outlets...

I have to say I was so excited to get so many comments on yesterdays post...this whole blog has been quite an experience. I am so thankful I decided to go down this road...thank you Kelley for the months of pressure...I needed the push and glad you gave it to me. Kelley is my friend from Abilene and someone I am so glad I still know and talk to...we both now have blogs and it is in fact a great way to keep in touch.
I have actually kept a diary since about 9th grade...It started as a great way to just focus my thoughts, give myself an outlet for emotions and vent. There were many times were months would go on and I didn't write and looking back it was always the happier times that I didn't write. I hate that I felt that it was a good outlet only when life wasn't going well. I wish I had taken the time to write about the happy moments as well as unhappy, but I was younger and drama was all consuming. As I got older I continued to keep a journal and I think it was a place just to keep memories and express my emotions...I still have it next to my bed, but I am enjoying this outlet. I feel excited to write my thoughts and share my day and now that I do know that people are reading, it makes it fun. I initially thought this would be a great to just keep my close friends and family up to speed on my life...but it is more than that now. I feel like I am getting to share parts of me that some of you don't know, some don't get to see often and the real me...not just generic quick emails. I like that. I hate that life has taken me so far away from some of the people I love the most...I hate that I can't just get in a car and go see my best friends, hang out and have fun and do all the great things we could if we were closer. But any chance I can to include the people I love in my life and feel connected with them, I will take it.

All in all today was good an bad...still more outbursts and issues with my Zachary...oh that boy is testing me. I am not the most patient sole and he needs much more than I have on most days...but it is my test and I am doing all I can to learn each day and change what I can...he did well at speech tonight with Miss Gerri...one of his better nights. His speech itself is coming along really well. We are mostly struggling with eye contact...still quite poor and has to be reminded of it a lot. He also has trouble initiating things, but has come a long way on that one. His biggest issue right now are the behavioral things...tantrums, screaming, complaining, whining, refusal, control...a lot of it is unfortunately part of being 4 and a lot is his inability to self regulate his emotions...all a work in progress I know, but SUPER frustrating to live with every single day and try to stay sane and raise another child. Some days we have one or two small issues, some days none, some days more than I think my brain can handle...tomorrow is preschool and hopefully it will be a good day...Brandon is gone tonight to Abilene and will be back late tomorrow night. Zach is still in his room not sleeping and it is 10 PM...Lord help me.