News...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br7nbQSIyhg

I have agree with Ellen and I am glad she said what she did. I am so sad to see so many stories on the news about this. Bullying in our schools is an overwhelming problem that has gone overlooked for far too long. Now in the age of 24 hour news media we are hearing these horrible stories and are learning that this is happening all the time. It isn't new, but it is possibly becoming worse. With the use of technology (facebook, my space, you tube), it is easier to spread rumors, embarrass and bully kids publicly. It isn't just gay students, it is any student that is different or threatening to the norm. Someone who isn't able to defend them self easily and is subject to having their self esteem shredded.

People don't realize how easy it is to destroy a child's self worth. Yes, children are resilient in many ways, but daily bullying is unimaginably cruel. To go to school and feel humiliated, unsafe and worthless is not what any child should feel or should it be what any school allows. Many schools know and are told of the events that happen and simply do nothing to change it. No protection for the children being bullied and no punishment for those doing the damage. It needs to stop.

As parents we should all talk with our children about this. From a young age we need to let them know it is never okay to bully anyone, let someone you know be a victim of bullying or to not speak up if they are being bullied. Let your children know they can come to you and tell you things, all things. Show them they can trust you and they will. If more children had families to turn to in the face of these bullies then maybe they wouldn't turn to suicide, but have choices. Have support and love to help them get through it.

I know what it is like to be bullied. I know what it is like to have people make school hell. I know what it is like to tell teachers and ask for help only to have it make the bullying worse and the problem brighter. I know what it is like to have my self worth hit rock bottom and to start believing what others say. I know how deep the wounds can go. I also know what it is like to have an amazing family that gave me love, support and a fresh start when I was a victim. I was lucky. So many kids endure so much worse and make choices that at the time they think are all they have.

Sorry to be so emotional about this, but it just makes me so angry to think of children and teenagers suffering by the words and actions of other children and teens. It shouldn't happen and we need to find a way to stop it.

Happy 40th Anniversary!

Today my mom and dad celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary...congratulations! May you have the time to reminisce and reflect on 40 years together and time to dream about the years to come. I love you both so much. Thank you for providing me so much love and happiness in my life because of your love. I love you!

Zoo...

Brandon returned on Saturday night from his TDY to LA...he had been gone a few days and the kids and I were happy to have him home for one weekend day. Zach had a good week, so we decided to go to the zoo per his request. The San Antonio zoo is pretty nice and the weather was a bit cooler today than it has been, so we were excited to go. We had a lot of fun and the kids did well. Erin seemed to enjoy the zoo so much today and really gets into see all the animals. I loved her excitement and comments. Zach had a good day, but some moments of spaciness...I wouldn't be surprised if something was brewing in his right ear...he messed with it several times today, which is a telltale sign of something. All in all it was a fun day and I am glad we got to go together...

Zach in front of the elephants...

Erin and Brandon in front of the elephants...
Erin and I...she is into this goofy grin phase right now that is not the best for photos, but she is still super cute.
Zach and I....
Brandon feeding the birds at Lorry Landing...they liked his hat a lot. :)
Zach so desperately wanted a butterfly to land on his finger in the butterfly exhibit...no luck today, but so many beautiful butterflies in there...my favorite part of the zoo for sure.
Feeding on the fruit...
So pretty....
Erin getting an up close look!
Loved this one...
Zachary...
Diva Erin!
Checking out the monkies!
Erin was so happy to see the monkies!
Zach waiting for a butterfly!
Great day for us...Zoo, good weather, lunch at Panera! Wonderful day!

Another weekend here and gone...

Oh how the weeks fly once school starts. I am not sure how to describe it...I feel like I'm trying to press the pause button about a million times a day to slow things down a bit. The kids are just growing up right before my eyes. Brandon tells me at least ten times a day, "This is a good thing, this is what we want them to do." He can speak for himself. I like them little. There I said it. I like them when they are little and mine to enjoy. These ages are so much fun...it is going too fast!

I really love Erin's age right now. I have to say I enjoyed 2 and 3 with both of my kids. So much fun, so much learning and discovering. SO much personality is blooming. And really the big one, they are so stinking cute at this age. SO CUTE! She is a doll most of the time and so very funny. She is loving school. Well, she loves her W/F school a lot more than the T/Th, but she loves school. She is really learning a lot already and the coolest thing is that she comes home wanted to share it all with me. She is literally bursting at the seams with information for me. I love it. I didn't get to enjoy that with Zach at this age. He was still struggling so much with his speech. Our drives back from Palmdale consisted of me asking endless questions and getting nothing in response. He just had no conversation then. Erin, is constant chatter. It is amazing how excited she is to share her day with me. I am loving it. She is very into pretending right now and using her imagination. Constantly wanting to be someone from a show or act out something. She plays with her toys in ways that make me stop and watch her play and just smile at her imagination. She loves being involved in games...well being involved in any activity makes her feel like big stuff and she loves that. She loves her cuddles and time to be held still too and for that I am so grateful. She is so much fun that if she didn't like school so much she would be home much more.

Zachary...oh my Zachary. He is growing up before my eyes. Not only is he getting big...physically he is growing. He is heavier for me to pick up and carry and that is killing me. I love this child so much and he loves to be loved (just like his sister). I am so thankful for that, but realizing the days of me picking him up and carrying him anywhere are going to be behind me before I know it. He's fitting into his bigger size clothes, his feet seem huge and in general he is looking bigger, older. He is also acting older. This weekend in particular I saw things. First Friday he made me pull over the car when we got out of the parent pick up line to look in his binder. Their color (behavior is kept on a color chart for all kids) is in his binder along with his communication log from his teacher. He told me I needed to look at it first, that he was on yellow and knew he would have some quiet time at home. He gets rewarded for green or purple , but other than that has quiet time. I was so impressed with his honesty that I actually rewarded him. Last year he would have hid his binder or screamed and cried when I tried to open it. This was a mature choice...one I was so proud of that I couldn't help but smile at the yellow, thinking I will take yellow as long as I get this from him with it. More than once this weekend Erin was asked to clean up a mess before moving onto a new activity with us. She more than once refused, standard Erin as of late. Zach jumped right in and not only offered but did clean up for her. As much as I was upset he did it for her only showing her that she will indeed get out of it if she protests, I was proud of him for wanting to help her and trying to be the fixer. Never have I seen that so much as I did this weekend. He has for 5 nights in a row showered in our room, turned the water off without us ever telling him, taking a shorter shower, dressing and appearing to tell us he is done and ready for bed or his snack. Wow. He has done chores without being asked and asking to do more. (We don't give money for chores). He has made several very mature decisions that have surprised me and made me feel so proud. He is a good boy. He has a huge heart and beautiful sweet side that makes me so proud to be his mom. With all of his struggles he continues to push forward and try. I admire him so much for the person he is.

This was a good weekend.

We did nothing special or out of the ordinary. In fact we did not a lot of anything. But it was fun, full of love and laughter and I saw so much. A good weekend it was indeed.

Slumber Party!

Tonight we thought it would be fun to let the kids have a slumber party...together! They loved sleeping in the same room at the beach and at my parent's house. We had thought about the guest room, but that is where the piano is and all my scrapbook stuff...so I wasn't sure we could trust them (Erin) in there alone. The sofa bed isn't super comfortable, so we pulled out the aero bed and set it up in the living room...that way we are right next door in case their is any funny business. I hope they have a fun night together and this is the start of a fun tradition they can have. ;)

Here they are enjoying popcorn and a movie...Zach's pick...Finding Nemo...what else of course?

Here they are only ten minutes after the lights went off...sound asleep...they slept in until 7 AM.

Important info...

I read this blog (See in my list of blogs I read, Diary of a Mom) and love it. I was especially touched by the topic today...

http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2010/09/18/act-today/

Not only do we have the deployments to deal with, but the moving and the lack of good locations. We move often and most kids on the spectrum tend to not be good with changes. The uprooting is hard for them, hard for the family and leaves no safety net of support. When you move every 2-4 years, making friends that will be there when you have an emergency or just need a break, gets hard. Your support network is often left behind at the last base. So much of the move is spent focusing on living in an area with good schools, getting therapies set up and worrying about making things routine in the mix of chaos. And sadly, most military bases are not stationed in great locations with the resources to support kids on the spectrum.

It is an issue I think our government and nation need to take seriously. Not just because it affects me. While at Edwards we had 3 kids in our TPS class diagnosed on the spectrum. Another has developmental issues. Two in the class above us and countless others I met while there and since moving. A large enough number that it often makes me think. In fact, if I could up all the people I know with kids on the spectrum, I would dare say there are more that are military affiliated than not. It is a large number considering such a small part of our population is in the military.

So, I simply put this out there not to be preachy, just to open up the opportunity for discussion and possibility. One day I hope this won't be a topic that hits home to as many Americans, but until it is, I think we owe it to ourselves, the families and most of all children who are living with this every day to do something. If you do nothing else, simply open your mind and educate yourself to what Autism is. Reality is, it is everywhere around us and unless you are living in a bubble, you will come into contact with someone who has it if you already have not.

Busy...

I don't think I stopped going today...it was busy! Erin had school at 9 and Zach had a re-evaluation with his occupational therapist at 9:30, so he stayed home in the AM and took Erin to school with me...He loved that. He got to see his teacher from the summer who was super nice to him. Shocked both Zach and i because the last day with her was a bit cold this summer. He was so excited to see Erin's room and send her on her way. We then went to his appointment. He apparently did very well. Improved on a lot of skills, but some he still can't master, even do. But, the great thing about it was that he tried. Everything his therapist asked him to do today, he tried. She said he didn't get frustrated or cry once. He didn't complain, he tried it all. That is huge progress for him and I couldn't be more proud of him. She gave me some great ideas for the types of things I can do at home with him too. She also gave me some advice for going into his next ARD at the school and fighting for OT, so we will see how that goes. All in all, I was happy with the results and we might be adding another OT session into his schedule to work on some of his sensory issues.

Took him back to school and got a chance to chat with his teacher while he was at recess. She surprised me with having a lot of positives. Her communication logs home are usually pretty descriptive of his behavior issues. So it was nice for me to hear the good. She said his behavior is a ton better and she only has to redirect him one time and he goes back on task. She is a very strict teacher and just what he needed I think. She said his wiggly stuff is the biggest issue and that is what we are hoping OT will help. She said she has found ways to help, but would love see that improve in time too...but she does understand that is an area he really can't control or help as easily. She said academically he was doing great and she plans to retest him for gifted. Apparently she tested him last year, but the school never told her he was special ed. She said she would have preferred to know so she could make sure he was in a less distracted environment and will request that he gets that in the ARD. I was so excited to hear that. His scores in Math and Reading were up in the next grade level, so all of that is great news. She said he is doing really well with the other kids and overall a great little boy. So nice to hear from someone that I couldn't read well at all.

I then went home to make some phone calls, do laundry and then off to get Erin. She had a good day, but no nap. We then got home, had about 3o minutes for her to snack, unwind and go get Zach...off to a play date with our neighbor who has a Kindergartner at Zach's school and she has a 2.5 year old girl. We played there for a few hours and came home to do dinner, bath, bed...

I am beat. Long, but good day. I am so proud of Zach. He did a great job today and is just working so hard in so many areas. I am so happy for him. So busy day, but very good one.

I am off to bed...tomorrow I get to do my weekly volunteer time at his school while Erin is at school. :)

Happy...

I am usually one to say that I feel content. I am not really a glass half full or half empty kind of person. Some days it is smashed on the floor in pieces and some days, it is overflowing. It really depends. But most days, I am content. I like content. It is safe. I don't expect too much and I am never disappointed. I am a pretty honest person. I will tell you when i am upset or mad and if you really know me, I don't have to tell you, you will know. I am much more sensitive than people think and I have to often step back and realize that not everyone else sees things through my eyes. I struggle with that a bit. Getting my feelings hurt easily. Even here in San Antonio where I am happy and have made a lot of friends, I find myself still feeling left out at times. Wondering if these are great life long friends or just for this assignment friends. Simply acquaintances. I wonder if the days of having a best friend are over. Like the best friend that lives near you and you can see all the time. Because I was lucky enough to have that and I miss that. Not that those ladies are no longer people I consider best friends, but distance changes things...how can it not. You move, you have kids, you are busy. It happens to all of us even when we don't move around every few years. Life gets busier and our friendships often are on the back burner when it is someone we don't see often. I hate that. I miss having girlfriends that know me and get me, right here. I miss being able to hang out with my friends whenever I want. I know I have been so lucky and blessed to have made some of the most amazing friends and I continue to cherish each of you...but I miss you. I wish you lived closer...I wish I didn't have to wait for spontaneous visits to Arizona or driving across the US to have a quick visit. Or hoping for trips to be able to see you. I wish you all lived closer...miss my friends...I am grateful for the new friends I am making and hopeful that the BF thing isn't behind me.

I am working on letting myself move past content and dare I say be happy. Making time for me. I have gotten more involved things, I do know a lot of people and try to go out and be involved each chance I get. I am working on taking time to do things for me, like my walks. It feels good.

But, I have to admit...There are two things in my life that have never made me simply content. I feel very blessed that even though there are days I miss my closest friends, my family and I muddle thru working to be content...these faces always give me a boost too happy. So for that I will be grateful and enjoy. They are getting so big so fast. I wish I could freeze them in time. I would give anything to make these years last longer.

They equal happy to me...

Zachary and the Piano...

This is Zachary at his 3rd piano lesson. We did not have a piano at home for him to practice on at the time this was taken, so he had really only been on the piano two times for 30 minutes a piece before this. He is loving the piano and we are so very proud of him. His face lights up as he plays...I think this was a good fit for him. Enjoy the video of our little Mozart!

Erin riding her bike...finally!

We all went out tonight to ride bikes...well all minus Brandon who doesn't have a bike yet. I brought my new bike and both kids had their bikes. I was so excited when I saw Erin finally start to peddle. It was great. I can't wait until we can all go for bike rides together. I haven't ridden a bike in over 15 years, if not more...I used to ride a lot when I was younger and loved it. I am so excited to have one again and hoping that we can all start making this part of our fun family time. Yeah for Big Erin on her bike!

A little break...

Some might have noticed I have taken a bit of a break on my blog. Not really intentional, but I suppose it was a little bit. I just had a lot on my mind that I didn't want to share and didn't feel like blogging about nothing...

Long story short, I had a lot of Dr. appointments to figure out my ongoing ear issue and it was a lot to worry about, think about, etc. On top of that Zach has had some behavior struggles at school that are emotionally draining to put it mildly. I try my best to stay positive...I try to always be fair and kind when talking about my children on here and to never make anyone think I feel more love or affection for one than the other. I know that often it is hard thru the medium of facebook, blogging, email to get the real view of what someone is thinking, so I never want to give the wrong impression. I worry if I complain on here, people will assume that I think Zachary is difficult. I never want anyone, especially him to think that.

Reality is, being his mom is hard work. It is a job I am honored to have, but it is difficult, challenging and keeps me constantly on my toes with new things popping up just as I have figured out the last problem. I want to be able to share and vent on here, but I want to be clear. Sharing and venting are simply a way to give you insight, not to complain about my son or demean him. I adore Zach and Erin, but on some days they both can drive me bananas. :)

So....Zach has had some struggles and we continue to work hard to make changes, adjustments, etc. I was so proud of him yesterday when the eye of the tropical storm Hermine went right over us, he stayed on green at school and was able to focus on school. So proud of him. He missed piano tonight because his teacher was sick. He is so far enjoying his piano classes a lot and I am so happy for him. He likes his teacher, his class and seems to be doing well overall back in school.

Erin started both of her schools this week. She went to Bracken yesterday...same school they both went to this summer. She is there from 9-2, so she naps and eats lunch there. I like the school and so far she seems happy, but she did cry when I left...It was hard to see and I hated for her to feel so sad and cling to me. But she pulled through and hopefully tomorrow drop off will be less painful for her and I. Today she went to Universal City...the school I love! She walked right in and had no issues. I think the school just does things right. They bring them in the room, meaning you don't walk your child in, the teacher meets you at the door and takes them in...for Erin, that is a huge help. They then bring them out one by one at the end of the day. So great. She was all smiles going in and coming out. I know two ladies who have girls in her class, and she apparently played with both today with no prompting from me, so that is fun to hear. I think she will thrive here. I do miss her a lot when she is gone, I can't lie. She is easy and fun and I am used to her company. But, I miss Zach too. I did get a lot done and hope as the days go on I get my system down and more and more things get done and become routine on those days for me.

I joined the PTA and have my first board meeting tomorrow and my first volunteering at the library starts next week...I am trying to get involved and keep busy. I am supposed to do my first scrapbook crop this Friday night...hopefully I will get to do that. I am contemplating joining the Y...right now it isn't in the budget, so I will be happy to see temps dropping and i can do my long, long walks again. I miss those and can't do them in this crazy heat!

We survived Hermine...lots of rain and wind. I will say, the wind at Edwards still packs a bigger punch than a tropical storm eye passing over my house, seriously!

That is all for now, I need to get to bed...

Meet the teacher!

Erin's new preschool...the one you remember I got up at 4 AM and waited outside to get her a spot at...yes that one....well this place is impressive and they seem to do things above and beyond. They have meet the teacher....one on one for 15 minutes at a designated time for your child the week before school starts. Erin was so excited to meet her new teacher and looked so pretty...I think she is really going to love school this year and love this school specifically. I am pretty happy too that she gets to go to a school I am so excited about. I loved Zach's school in Palmdale and now she will be at a place I think as highly about...makes me feel good to see her doing some special things.

What teacher wouldn't love to have this face in her class?