One little word...

My friend Kelley got me into reading a blog by a woman names Ali Edwards...her blog is in the list of blogs I read below...she is a scrapbooker and mom and happens to have a son with a very similar diagnosis to Zach's. She has had a a tradition of choosing one word to start each new year...for that word to be what you strive for in that year or what you are feeling. A word that gives you focus. I liked this idea and really took some time to think about my word. At first I was set on Change. I thought it fit perfectly for me right now and when I reveal my list of "resolutions" or goals for 2010 it most likely will seem like a good fit. But I then thought more of a word that I want to fit my mood, my spirit. I wanted to be filled with this and I am not sure change was that word. I don't like change, so it is something I am striving for, but not good at being able to do.

So I chose Appreciate. In the dictionary it says this...

1. To be grateful or thankful for.

2. To value or regard highly; place a high estimate on

3. To be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect

4. To raise in value

When I read these I realized that fits a lot of how I am feeling right now. I want to be more appreciative of so many things. I am so grateful for my life, my amazing children, my husband, my family, friends, living here in San Antonio...so much is going well and I am thankful beyond words for the blessings I have in my life. I also want to be thankful for more...by appreciating more. I think it is important to appreciate what we have, but what we take for granted....this goes with my desire to make changes and do things in my life that are outside of my comfort level and maybe things I will be challenged by and uncomfortable with doing. But for me that is a goal I need to make.

So that is my word...I think 2o1o will be a great year to appreciate so many things in my life!

Fun stuff...

So I thought I would share some of my recent scrapbook pages...I haven't done a lot, but these are some I worked on a few months ago when I got some time. I haven't had a space to work on them here and have found it hard to pull out all my stuff and get things done. So my Christmas present was perfect...a scrapbook - craft table. I love it....I posted a photo of that too below...yeah! The little things in life I tell you. :) So hopefully I can get caught up and back on track with my scrapbooking...

A few pages I did...I like how they turned out...

Zach's preschool graduation page...

A cute one of him and a ladybug he found at Edwards last spring...we had a ton in our yard and it was a big thing for him to go out and get some.
Being silly and pumpkin carving...
Apple Orchard with my parents in Tehachapi last fall in CA
Halloween in CA
Pumpkin Patch in CA
Our trip to Disney...two pages for this one...for his 5th birthday...
Pumpkin painting...
My new table....side view...look at all my storage...
Other side...more storage!
Front on view...
The rest of the guest room...
So happy to have a spot now for me to do my stuff...I rearranged the closets up there too so now things are a bit more functional...I love reorganizing, cleaning out...feels so good. Got some items off to good will today and a box ready for the thrift store in town of old toys...I feel productive!!!

Bad back go away!

I have suffered for a few days with a bad back and I am hoping it is getting better, but honestly I think I am just trying to will it to be better. Brandon is able to take some free time this week from work and be home more, but still has to go in...so hopefully that will help me heal up a little. I am going to try to get in to see someone at the clinic too, so lets hope that works. :) Just not comfortable and unable to get a lot of things done I have on my list!!!

Speaking of Lists! I looked over my New Years Resolution list from last year while trying to think of what will be on mine this year...interesting to see how I did and didn't do...Here is the old list...

1. My patience...need to not jump the gun with the kids so much...
2. My tone of voice and temper...kindness works wonders if I can muster up the self restrain.
3. Making real dinners now that Brandon "will be" home...
4. Making time to walk...I miss my long walks with Sally.
5. Continue my reading...I have loved being back into books so much and taking time for me to read good books...I have been about a book a week or two weeks this deployment and it feels great...
6. SCRAPBOOK...I fell sadly behind on this one during the deployment and have nine million pictures and supplies awaiting me.
7. Continue to do individual things with the kids to make them feel special and foster those one on one times that are so great...
8. Try to live in the moment as much as I can....this is actually my number one. Be thankful for all I have and not let a moment go by that I am not realizing life is such a great gift...letting things that don't matter go and working on what does...love life for now and as it is...

I did okay on some of them, but some will need to be improved upon again this year and others added. My patience and tone of voice are a work in progress...while I am better about it than I was a year ago, I am no where near where I would like to be...but I do see changes and awareness which I am thankful for.

Dinners are still hit and miss...Brandon's schedule isn't as 9-5 as we thought and with Zach having several nights being busy with swimming, soccer, therapy, etc., it was harder than I thought. But again, working on it and making steps to improve.

Walking with Sally was going great in CA before the move...we had a good route there and good times to go with the schedule...here it hasn't been as easy...hope to change this one.

Still reading a lot...one thing I have for sure kept on...did start a playgroup that has a book club, but so far it is not an avid reading group, so I shall stick to my own thing on this one.

Scrapbooking has been awful. I got about 12 pages done 2 months ago, but since then nothing. I got a scrapbook table for Christmas and it is going to be in the guest room. It is super cool, bookshelves on either side for storage and a large top on top for me to work on...once it is built I think this will be easier for me to have a space to get it done. My friend Kelley set a goal for herself for the year and I think that might be something I will do for myself...we shall see.

I have much more time this year with Erin to do one on one with Zach at school. I have worked at trying to make time for just Zach and I as well and it is more of a struggle some times than I wish, but we work on things together when she is napping, still do slumber parties and fun things...I love my one on one time with both of them.

The last one I am still working on as well, but trying more and more each day to remind myself of this. I have done a better job on it than I probably would have predicted.

I have lots of new goals for next year....will share that list soon...I hope I can give myself some good challenges and some that are easy positive changes to make...

Christmas was a HIT!

Christmas was awesome this year. This was the first year we stayed in our own home...now that we have two children it was a real treat to be able to stay home and let them experience the miracles of Christmas at home. We had a lot of fun preparing for the holiday and I think Brandon and I were just as excited to get up in the morning as the kids...we actually were up before them waiting. :) Both of them had a great time...arrived a bit sleepy, but soon got into the groove and squealed with delight. It was wonderful...I am so thankful that we had at least one Christmas that was like this. We had a big breakfast, eggs, bacon, pancakes (I tried to make Mickey pancakes, but poor Erin was appalled at the thought of eating Mickey), mimosas and fruit. Yummy! The kids played all day with their new toys and had a blast. Great day! I missed my family, but I was able to talk to everyone and that helped a lot. I think it was important for us to do this and while I missed my parents and sister...it was good to be home. Here are some photos for everyone to see...

I think the smile on his face shows you that he is super happy with his Wii! Awesome to see him open and enjoy his gifts...what a treat for us! Erin played with her toys and dollhouse all day too...she really loved everything!

Santa Claus is coming...

We headed to church for 4 PM mass...knew the kids couldnt' handle midnight...it was packed, but still a nice service and I really like this priest a lot, so we will be switching our service time now so we can attend his mass times...he was funny. I love that. Always important to remember why we celebrate this time of year and what the true purpose is before we indulge in the comercial side tomorrow.

The kids did wonderful and looked so darn cute, note photos below....

Came home to spread reindeer food and make Santa Keys...since we don't have a chimney we had to make keys for him to come in the door. One for the back and one for the front, in other words one for each child. So the photos below show them throwing hte reindeer food out and then ready for bed in their matching Snowman jammies...super cute and I think they are excited...I am excited...SANTA is coming. Merry Christmast Everyone!!!

Ginger Bread House or Sugar Rush!

Made gingerbread houses last night with the kids...always fun...Erin ate most of the icing...Zach ate his fair share, but not as much as she did. They had fun and it was a nice little project for them to do together...almost Santa time...can't believe it. So crazy to think last year at this time we were in NC awaiting Brandon's return. Keeping busy back there in the cold weather...Erin had no clue what Christmas was and Zach was not nearly as interested as this year. I think I am more excited about tomorrow then they are...Hope everyone has a great day!

No No Nannette...

That is the nickname my dad (king of giving nicknames) gave my dear, sweet Erin...and it fits oh too well. She is all about telling me no. No Mommy - Be Me Alone! In other words, leave me alone. Her new phrase, said nine million times a day with all the attitude a 2 year old can muster while still looking a little too cute.

I chose the holiday break as a perfect time to potty train...ah...long days with both kids at home, no therapy for Zach, no appointments for any of us...just days of being together. What the hell was I thinking?

Where Zachary is very rule driven, to a fault at times...Erin is all about do it herself, independence and her way. Zachary is quite often lazy about things...the one big flaw I can point out in my son would be that. Erin is not...she is a bull...stubborn, determined, strong and able. Zachary often is compliant...Erin defiant. Seeing a trend here? Zach was potty trained in 3 days over Columbus day weekend in 2007....not a problem after and the easiest kid about it. I thought 2 weeks with Erin would be over kill. I might be in over my head.

Zachary gave me permission to put her on ebay...he might be on to something. :)

She is doing pretty well, but this shall be a great challenge than I bargained for and I am not sure what I will do if Santa doesn't have a big box of patience waiting for me under the tree in two days.

So here she is in all her glory (Kelley I know you thinks he will hate me one day for this and honestly, right now I don't care!)

Happy Birthday Brandon!

Not sure what the heck was wrong with my camera....Zach had it before I started snapping and changed some settings on it...shocking I know...

So here are some photos from birthday fun for Brandon's day...cake with the kids and dinner at home tonight...fun day and weekend as a family...can't beat it. Brandon and I went to dinner at the Riverwalk Friday night...awesome food and restaurant. Had a nice night together and liked the sitter...lets hope she comes back and we can do that again soon. We talked about making it a monthly date and just work around her schedule, so we will see what she says to that. I think Brandon had a good day...I know the kids and I did. :) Happy Birthday Brandon!!

He and Erin had fun playing with the blowers....
He had a lot of fun I think....
April this one is for you...if you remember dinner in Ft. Worth a lifetime ago, this will make you laugh out loud. We miss you!

Canyon Lake Lights!

Saturday night we took a drive north to Canyon Lake. It is a beautiful area that we have heard a lot about and hope to go back again....apparently it is a military R and R spot, like the one we used to go to in Mountain Home. They had a great Christmas Light show there that you drove through and at the end got to see Santa. The kids loved the light show and I have to admit, it was a great one. We saw a bunch of deer running while there too and that was a bit highlight...my kids are more used to seeing stray coyotes, so seeing deer was a much happier animal to find on the side of the road.

I hope in the spring we can go back up there and enjoy the beauty of the area. They have tons of places to stay, camp, vacation, etc. I think it would be a lot of fun. Some photos of our trip. Erin of course wouldn't look at Santa much less sit on his lap. Zach was first in line. :)

Telling him what he wants for Christmas...a Wii, Telescope and Shake and Go Freeway. Same items for last 6 months...he also put in a good word for his sister. This kid is amazing.
Loved the Arizona themed light display...my favorite of course.
Very pretty and the back drop was the lake...
Super excited in the car.
Ready to check out the lights!

Christmas stuff...

Last night was Zachary's Christmas program at school. It was actually held at the high school and they had all 6 kindergartens and one 4th grade class sing together...then you left after your child's portion and the next grade and parents came in...interesting concept for schools so big. It worked well actually and we enjoyed the show...perfect length for the performing kids and the people watching. Erin loved it...she was so proud and excited. Zachary did really well and had a ton of fun too. I loved watching him and even teared up. So much fun to see him so excited and engaged. He had a rough start to the week and has had a great week since.

Erin at his show...

His side of the stage...if you click on the photo to make it bigger you can kind of see him...Child number 8 from the right.
Bigger shot of the stage and group.
Zach with Santa last weekend at the Children's Museum. I think he likes him. :)
Today was his holiday party at school in his class. I went early and had lunch with him...brought chick fil a...I am a good mom I know. He walked in with a boy that he had trouble with earlier in the year...they asked if he could sit with us, the rule is you can have one friend sit with your parent for lunch. So I said sure and it was a very nice lunch. We all talked and the boy was quite nice to Zach. Surprise! I then ran two quick errands and came back for the holiday party. Yeah! He was excited to see me and I was thrilled to be able to spend that time with him. He did really well and had fun doing the crafts. I like his teacher a lot and had a nice time getting to see him in his element and get to know his friends more. I stayed until they did the eating of tons of treats...I headed off to get Erin from her school. She had pajama day. She wasn't too sure of it this AM and cried when I told her it was time to go to school. "No Mommy...I no wear Pajamas...I need get dressed!" Good thing she had fun once she got there.

We have a holiday party with my playgroup next week and I am excited to see how he does with the kids. I would love to start having playdates for Zachary with some friends. I think it would be fun for him and help me see how he is doing in that social arena.

Big plans for the weekend...Date night! Brandon's birthday is Sunday, so we are heading out Friday night for a date at the Riverwalk. The kids will have a new sitter...fingers crossed. She came highly recommended, so I am hopeful this will be a good fit. Sunday Brandon is getting a massage for a gift. I think we are driving to the light show at Canyon Lake on Saturday night with the kids. So fun stuff.

Not much else to report...I am excited for the holidays and to enjoy some time with the kids home together. My goal...potty train Erin. We will see. :)

The W in Christmas....

A cute little something to help keep us all in the true holiday spirit!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

The "W" in Christmas - Author Unknown

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.
I had cut back on nonessential obligations -- extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.
Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year.
It was an exciting season for a six-year-old.
For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production.
Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher.
She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.
All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.
Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down.
Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were led into the room.
Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor.
Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.

Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row-center stage -- held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love".

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down -- totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W."
The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake.
But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W."
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

" C H R I S T W A S L O V E "

And, I believe, He still is.
Amazed in His presence...
Humbled by His love.

May each of you have a Merry Christmas as you reflect on His Love for us. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.

Rough day....

Well yesterday was a bit rough around here...Zach has had an off week in my opinion...much more out in left field and more behavioral issues than we have had to deal with in a while. Trying to narrow down the cause, but really I am not seeing much to send me in one direction for an answer. He has been yelling at me a ton, talking back, refusing to do things, not using his words well or often when he is upset and overall behaving more like the age of his sister than himself. Before church yesterday he was just a mess...got very upset with me when I was trying to simply ask what we should do for the day. We had several things on the list and it was clear we wouldn't be able to do them all, so why not just try let everyone have a say and decide that way. Well he got upset, didn't understand me apparently and began to just scream at me. Thankfully Brandon was home and jumped in, because it is tough to always be the one getting the attitude and then handing out the punishment.

We then went to church about an hour later and he swore he was going to be good, he was excited to go, etc. UGH. Erin sat in my lap the whole mass. She smiled and waved at the baby next to me. Got down when we stood up and stayed by my leg....the best she has been yet. Zach was all over the place...laying down, pulling on the kneeler...humming loudly...touching me or Erin all the time...Brandon was done and told him he needed to talk to him outside for a minute...just to remind him of how to act. He yells, "Don't Spank Me Daddy!" Oh goodness...poor Brandon turned red and I could tell he wanted to crawl in a hole. Funny thing is I am more the spanker or heavy hand if you will...They came back in and we finished mass...had plans after but decided to head home. On the way we asked Zach why he behaved that way and got a bunch of excuses, no apologies and a lot of attitude, tears and hysterics. Brandon and I have rarely been on the same page, much less chapter when it has come to parenting Zachary. That child has tested us and our marriage in a lot of ways. He is a challenge in the discipline area for sure...You never know if he gets it, if it is too much or not enough, he over reacts or under reacts...on and on. Well yesterday we didn't speak...we walked in the house and both did the same thing...it was pretty drastic, but also amazing that we both were working together so well. We went to his room and cleared out every single toy. We left only his books, but did take his prized atlas. He cried so hard and screamed at us to give it all back...then he was going to go to the store and buy more books. It was pretty awful, but necessary. We through the toys and put a big pile for goodwill and thrift...others went into a toy closet that we are going to buy a lock for this week. We told him he has to earn back his toys with good behavior. In reality some of them he doesn't even play with...I think he just likes to have them in his room. He will be getting new things soon...we hope Santa can still come by the house after this weekend...and some he had outgrown. It was time for some to go and more importantly it was time for some tough love. He needs to know having toys and getting to play with them isn't an automatic for him or for any child. Most kids have much less than him and a lot have nothing at all. That he needs to respect us...Brandon, myself and Erin all have feelings and needs too and we can't always give up for him...some times he has to do things that are for our benefit. AKA - Sacrifice. Perfect day in church for this as it was the reading on having more than you need and sharing what you have with those that have nothing. Insert the ahhhhhh music!

I ended up taking Erin to a birthday party last night that both kids had been invited to...a lady from the play group...I was struggling with this...taking her and not him was a bold move and one that did get him to think. We made it clear that Erin was going because her behavior was good and his was not. Thankfully hers was beyond good yesterday. It is like she knew. She had a blast at the party too, which was good. She has never done anything like that, going to a function without Zach. He teared up as we left and told her to have fun and when we got home asked her how the party was...she ran in and couldn't wait to tell them...I jump bouncy house, I eat cake, I play friends...she was quite proud of herself. :)

I hated yesterday and I hope he follows the steps today to earn a toy back. He had no tv last night or this AM and no computer... have been hard core...He yelled at me this morning again and I am trying to remind myself this is all for a greater good...stay the course. Easier said than done. I hope he has a good day...I hope he realizes the meaning behind what we have tried to do...

His ABA therapy evaluation is next week...couldn't have come any sooner. We will work on switching speech and OT most likely after the new year...too much going on right now.

I have a huge list of new years resolutions to work on as well and will post those up here soon as a reminder to me and maybe some of you will hold me accountable. :)

Here's to a better day and some positive changes around here!