Lots of pictures and info...

I know several of you were concerned about poor Erin's thumb and her being bandaged up last night. In true Erin form, she took it all in stride. After I posted my blog I couldn't take the crying and went in to see her. As soon as I picked her up she stopped crying and was asleep in 5 minutes...slept through the night and was fine...I kept it on until about noon today and she did fine. She napped without the sock on, but we put it back on tonight for bed. Her thumb is improving, so we want to let it heal some more. She cried for only a few minutes tonight and it wasn't even real crying and is now sound asleep...my Erin...such a sweet, happy girl!

I am pretty sure there are some new teeth coming in too...look at that drool!

Daddy and Zach watching tv tonight before bed...I love these moments and will miss them a lot.
This is Zach yesterday afternoon in front of our house on his scooter. He enjoys doing this when Erin is napping later in the day...It gives me time to water my plants and he scoots around right in front of the house to the dead end where that green fence is...Don't you love the landscape? Sarcasm....
Erin and Brandon at the pool last night...she has her life vest on and is so darn cute...check out her pointing at something...
Finally this is the slide! Zachary's slide. I told you it was big! God bless him...he climbs all the way up himself and goes down by himself...with the biggest bug catching smile ever! I was so sad for him last night, but these are all lessons he must learn and in time he will get it. Hopefully our next visit up there will be a slide filled one for him.

I added a few more songs to my play list also...Found an Alanis one that I love! Incomplete...it really sums up how I feel some days...the whole idea of stopping and living in the moment each chance we have instead of searching for a finish line. Love it! A great patriotic one, God Bless the USA. I hear this at so many AF functions and it always gives me goose bumps...and a John Mayer song..Say. There is a line in there I love. "I would rather have said to much, then never to have said enough." So true...

I am almost done with my NC trip scrapbook...I have 2 pages left and plan to finish before bed tonight if I can, so I better be off and get that done. I still need to pack for San Diego too...we hope to leave around 12 if Brandon can get home from work by then...I am excited to get out of town for the weekend! I am hoping the hotel is nice too...San Diego has always been a great place for us to visit and so pretty.

We are staying at the Kona Kai resort on Shelter Island San Diego...found it on hotels.com. Here is the link if you want to check it out http://www.resortkonakai.com/. I haven't had the best luck in the past with Internet picks for places to stay, so keep your fingers crossed! I will post when I get back and share photos...if I get my scrapbook done tonight I will share that in the AM...Happy Weekend!

Tough Love!

Well Brandon made it back from his survival class...no bears seen!
The kids and I stayed in all day and were pretty stir crazy when Brandon got home tonight. We decided it was nice, why not head to the pool...I can't manage both at the pool yet, so it needs to be a dual parent outing...Poor Zach. He was so excited and ready to slide...the slide was BROKEN. It was bad...very bad. He cried, he screamed, he went to check the slide...he asked the lifegaurd to get a doctor. He was not happy. After 30 minutes of hysterics and about 15 more of coaxing we finally got him in the pool to play a bit before it was time to leave at 7 PM. So hard for him to understand and be okay with the alternative. He came home and was asleep in thirty minutes...he wore himself out for sure.
And poor Erin...I showed Brandon her finger and in typical Brandon form he was upset and had to "fix" it. Everything I read said not to be too concerned unless the child got an infection, but he thought it looked bad and was upset. So...tonight he put a sock on her hand that went up to her shoulder and taped it with medical tape to her pjs...we checked to make sure her circulation is fine Mom. She starred at me the entire time with this look of utter dispair. She is currently in her room crying like I have never heard her cry in her life. I am so distraught, but trying to ignore it and let her cry herself to sleep, otherwise this will never work. Yes, she has two thumbs, but that is the thumb she prefers and no amount of mild coaxing today helped her understand she should try the other one...she is just so upset. She is honestly the best, easiest baby...the one thing that comforts her and makes her happy is now something we have to take away...I just hate it. But I know her thumb looks awful and it would be wors for her to get an infection...oh this will be a long night for sure. Plus I have to drive to Palmdale tomorrow for preschool and sit in town with her while he is in school.
So...I am off to cry myself to sleep in commiseration with my sweet daughter...

random thoughts...

Random stuff tonight...
Earthquake in Southern CA today and even though everyone else felt it...I missed it. I think I was in the car on the way to get Zach at preschool and obviously didn't feel anything. Which is fine by me.
Brandon is off on his survival course...I have some issues with this...He did survival training right after he graduated pilot training...they all go through the course to learn to evade if shot down, how to handle capture, etc and so on...So they are making him do it again before this deployment. I find it puzzling frankly. He has deployed 3 other times and none of which did he do that before leaving and on those, he was leaving to fly. For those of you that don't know or haven't made it clear enough, Brandon's deployment is not normal. (Nothing about how this place works is). He is one person from his squadron going to fill a position...a desk job. It isn't something he has trained to do, it is the AF filling a spot. Adds to my bitterness a bit. I didn't mind him deploying before I think mostly because it was all part of his job. Anyhow...so if he isn't flying, then why the extensive survival course in the Kern Mountains...wouldn't it also be smarter to train him in a desert setting since he is going to a desert? I would think so, but the AF is sending him to the mountains tonight...Again why I am a spouse and not an active duty member.
Continuing on that note. Last night moments before I am going to bed...literally I am in my bed about to watch the last 10 minutes of Army Wives...we have this exchange...
Brandon. "Hey did you hear a woman was malled this weekend by a bear in the Kern County Mountains."
Susan, "Why?!"
Brandon, "Well I am guessing the bear was going after her food or she agitated it."
Susan,"Thanks for science lesson Sherlock! I was referring to the why would you tell me that when you are going to that location tomorrow night to camp?"
Brandon,"Oh!...well I am sure I will be fine and won't see any bears."
SERIOUSLY! Men amaze me sometimes. I have sleep issues as it is...I literally take sleepy time or Tylenol PM most nights of the week. I just can't stay asleep. Little noises get me up all hours oh the night, I can't turn my brain off and just sleep...so stuff like this, not so helpful.
Erin last night decided to get up from 3-5 AM for no reason what so ever...oh the joys!
Speaking of which...Zach is in bed, thankfully...Erin is still roaming around and being silly. I think she is having a hard time sleeping because she has a blister on her thumb...she sucks her left thumb and only her left thumb...she loves her thumb...when she is sleepy it is all about the thumb...I think feeling crappie this weekend she went over time on the thumb and now it is gross and red...so probably doesn't feel great to suck. Always something I tell you...
Other than that the day was pretty uneventful...did preschool this AM, came home and hung out around here...park in the old neighborhood and then the BX before home and tubbie time. It was sad to be in our old neighborhood. All of the houses are empty and the trees and grass are all dying or dead...the cute park that we visited for almost 3 years daily is now not looking so good. It was the first time I noticed something though...Zach looked bored. I used to be able to take him there and he would walk the perimeter endlessly...or swing forever. Tonight he was in the swing less than 5 minutes and then looked bored...unsure of what to do...we played the best I could with Erin there...but you could tell he was in need of friends and buddies...so great to see. Sadly...he now has the interest to play with people and we are lacking people to play with...
I am off to convince Erin bed is a good idea...

On the run...

Okay, as usual, I am running late today. For anyone reading that that really knows me, you are laughing. I am perpetually late. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much advanced warning I give myself...I am late. I have tried the tricks of putting clocks ahead...doesn't work. I have tried getting up earlier...doesn't work. I just am late. It has gotten better with age and kids. But honestly, I do try. If we have a place to go it always falls on a day the kids sleep in late...so my natural alarm clocks are off. It also falls on days Brandon is TDY...again no one helping me out here. It has no bearing on the importance of the event...it is just me! I would say that is by far one of my worst character flaws...
So my coffee is done...time to get going...
Will write more later...like the little rabbit in Alice in Wonderland said, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date."

Smoother Sunday...

Erin returned from the urgent care last night with a diagnosis that basically was she has a viral infection, rash and discomfort...big name for it, but don't have the paper in front of me...sorry! Anyhow, she can walk today, but has a rash still and isn't her usual bubbly self, but is better. So, we will watch her and see how it goes.

We got a lucky break, both kids slept in today...Zach until after 8 and Erin until almost 10...insane, but she was up so late last night. We made some waffles and enjoyed the late start to the day. Zach was desperate to return to the pool today and the Big Slide. It is seriously 3 stories up, maybe 4. Huge winding waterslide...pretty cool actually that they have that here. He wouldn't go down it at all the other day and freaked out a bit when we tried to get him...they won't let parents go down with a child, only catch at the bottom. Well Brandon had the lifegaurd throw him down yesterday...sounds awful but with Zach you usually have to do it that way...and he loved it...was there for 3 horus yesterday. So, we headed back up today and stayed for 2 plus hours. He had a blast again and had both of us catching him...for me a bit tricker since it is 4 feet of water and he comes at me full force. First catch I was a goner, but got used it after that. No words to describe how cute his big smile is coming around that corner at the end of the slide. Saw an old friend up there and hung out, it was nice. Erin got some water time too, so all in all it was a nice day for us.

Off to speech in the AM...Erin the sitter is off this week to Colorado to see her family...Brandon heads to survival for his deployment...gone Tuesday through Wednesday. Then Friday we head to San Diego (Sandy Diego as Zach calls it). I think it will be a fun trip, so I am excited and hopeful that it will go well...

Added some photos from tonight...I finally look like I live in CA in the summer...got a chance to get some sun at the pool...

Poor Erin

Well last night was odd...Zach spent like 3 hours at the big pool on base with Brandon. He went down the big water slide all by himself and he was then into that all day. He was so excited and proud of himself. He did give himself a little black eye I think on the way down, but I think it was worth it. Erin and I stayed back at the house because she was fussy and it was her nap time when they left. She usually sleeps around 11 -1, so it was a good time for them to go and us to hang out here. She woke up feeling a little warm and not her usual perky self...I chalked it up to cutting teeth. The day went on and she seemed okay...went down for a late nap...we ate a yummy meal (if I do say so myself) and then we decided to wake her up since it was getting late...that is when things got strange. She woke up and was a bit dazed, normal. But then she wanted me to her hold...I did for a long time and then put her down to get her something to eat...she started to cry and scream...she couldn't walk. So, we thought her foot was asleep...happened to Zach when he was little and scared the pants off of him. Well, it continued. We bathed her, fed her and still she screamed when we tried to let her walk...So, I of course was scared, Zach was ready for bed after his long day...so Brandon took her to Urgent care...She has a small rash on her body and a low grade fever, so they figured it was a viral thing...causing her to have discomfort...they told us to watch her and have her checked if it continued, but nothing showed a major problem. I woke up with the beginnings of a chest cold and feeling less than great...so, no beach trip today as Erin and I don't feel up to it. I would rather get better and fully enjoy next weekend...So...I hope to get some rest and feel better soon!!!

music -

Okay...so I decided to add some music to my blog...let me know what you think...I picked some songs that might seem random, but all have meaning to me...so here is the breakdown of the songs and meanings to me...
Better Days -Goo Goo Dolls
* I love this song and the Goo Goo Dolls...This song was played at Brandon's TPS graduation. It sums up the feeling of that evening and year, but also just the feeling of wanting more, seeking more and knowing there will be better to come, even in moments where it doesn't seem like it.
Bubbly - Colbie Calliat
*Ironically I think of Erin when I think of this song...she is just my bubbly happy girl that makes us all smile!
Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks
*I love the Chicks...don't care what they said about Bush, I love their music and always will. Freedom of Speech people! This has been my personal theme song since I left for Arizona from NC in 1995...I love it and it means a lot to me...
Faithfully -Journey
*This was a song Brandon always played when we were dating and said was how he felt about me...so it is a good song with meaning for us.
Home to You -John Micheal Montgomery
*Love this song! This was played at our wedding and in hind sight should have been our first dance...we both inscribed this in our wedding bands to each other and didn't know it until we exchanged them...so it is a very special song to us.
One Sweet World - Dave Mathews
*Well I love Dave...God bless my son, he does too! This is favorite song by them...he used to get in the car and ask for dunka dunka...it meant this song and was super cute to see his face light up when the first few notes began to play...Zachary you are awesome!
Wishlist - Pearl Jam
*Again, I love Pearl Jam and this is a relatively upbeat one for them...for someone like me that fights the urge to be a pessimist and is always a realist...this song is beautiful...

So there again is more insight to me...it is the play list of me for now...I tried to find an Allanis song, but they didn't have any...oh well...this fits me and if you take the time to listen you might get to know me even better...

Change of plans

Well we had planned to head south to San Diego tomorrow, but we changed the plans. We had booked a hotel that was super expensive for one night and then like morons we basically forgot we had a dog and didn't book a place for her...since we are lacking in people to watch said animal...she is insane and doesn't just let anyone come and let her out and feed...we realized it wasn't going to work. So...I found a place in San Diego where we could go and stay for two nights for the price we were going to pay for one night and it is a new area we haven't gone to before...always fun to explore a new place. I am a little reluctant to usually step outside my comfort zone sometimes and try new things...so this will be good. Sally will be off to her new kennel in Palmdale and we will go down Friday afternoon and stay until Sunday...Brandon has assured me he will come home early that day to get on the road...let's hope that happens. Sometimes being married to someone so driven and so type A has its pit falls...Sometimes I feel like I am farther down on the priority list than I would like to be and I am sure than I am...so this trip away will be nice...some family time and hopefully a nice new spot. We will try to hit Sea World as well...once a year a military family gets to go free, so we haven't been since I was pregnant with Erin...I was the second Shamu at the Shamu show. :)
Another hot one here today and I got a little burned sitting by the kids pool...Zach had fun again playing and took a nice long nap...now we are having our bedtime routine and time for me to go and help...

Another day...

Nothing super excited to share today...Zach had preschool in town this AM...Erin stayed home with Erin and I did my standard shopping and return rituals...I got to his school a bit early and planned to balance the checkbook from the above mentioned activities and to read my book...his teacher came to the car and told me he had a rough day. Ugh. She is usally the kinds of person to down play a lot of things, so it isn't usual to hear her say anything like that and she adores Zachary. Well apparently she went on break and he wasn't happy with her and let her know it. Oh I am now so nervous about him moving to the 4 year old room in a few weeks...his last day with Miss Jennifer is on August 8 and then he will go the new room on the 11th. He starts back at his special ed preschool through the school district on the 18th...I am excited for him to be back in school daily...I think it helps him so much to have that routine, direction and outside stimulation. In reference to my past emails...with me not having a ton of close friends, my kids then don't get to get out and have play dates, etc. So...school is a big deal for us.

Anyhow...the rest of the day went well. He actually acted well for me. We watched some tv and had lunch...then filled out the baby fold up pool out back and the fun splash pad and headed out to play. It was super hot, so we didn't go out until close to 4...still 106 at the time...Erin lasted about 20 minutes and then was done...she came in for a nap and then I continued out there with Zach until almost 6. He had so much fun and was interacting and being good...so I just soaked it and the sun up! He and I actually are one shade above pasty white now. :) Then we had dinner and some more tv while I chatted on the phone for a bit...then we took Sally for a stroll. I was so proud of myself. I asked if he wanted to walk the dog or ride his bike...he chose the dog and I started to second guess giving him a choice. It isn't easy to push the stroller walk Sally and have Zach holding the other leash at the same time (we hook Sally up to two leashes so Zach is walking her, but not really in total control of her). But, then I thought, I have to learn to do this stuff and be okay with it...I can do this and be okay with it. I will do this...and I did. It wasn't bad. We only had one time we had to stop and discuss the fact it isn't funny to make Sally choke...then it was home to tubbie and bed. He didn't want to get in the tub and I knew he was over tired, but I held my ground, both got bathed and he is off in bed....Erin is still up! Seriously!

So above are a few photos from the pool time today...Zachary likes to make the play slide his water slide...can't argue with that logic...Erin is just full of personality! Brandon should be home later tonight I hope...he flew to Abilene yesterday AM and was due in around 5 tonight, but delays have changed things...so we will see...

outlets...

I have to say I was so excited to get so many comments on yesterdays post...this whole blog has been quite an experience. I am so thankful I decided to go down this road...thank you Kelley for the months of pressure...I needed the push and glad you gave it to me. Kelley is my friend from Abilene and someone I am so glad I still know and talk to...we both now have blogs and it is in fact a great way to keep in touch.
I have actually kept a diary since about 9th grade...It started as a great way to just focus my thoughts, give myself an outlet for emotions and vent. There were many times were months would go on and I didn't write and looking back it was always the happier times that I didn't write. I hate that I felt that it was a good outlet only when life wasn't going well. I wish I had taken the time to write about the happy moments as well as unhappy, but I was younger and drama was all consuming. As I got older I continued to keep a journal and I think it was a place just to keep memories and express my emotions...I still have it next to my bed, but I am enjoying this outlet. I feel excited to write my thoughts and share my day and now that I do know that people are reading, it makes it fun. I initially thought this would be a great to just keep my close friends and family up to speed on my life...but it is more than that now. I feel like I am getting to share parts of me that some of you don't know, some don't get to see often and the real me...not just generic quick emails. I like that. I hate that life has taken me so far away from some of the people I love the most...I hate that I can't just get in a car and go see my best friends, hang out and have fun and do all the great things we could if we were closer. But any chance I can to include the people I love in my life and feel connected with them, I will take it.

All in all today was good an bad...still more outbursts and issues with my Zachary...oh that boy is testing me. I am not the most patient sole and he needs much more than I have on most days...but it is my test and I am doing all I can to learn each day and change what I can...he did well at speech tonight with Miss Gerri...one of his better nights. His speech itself is coming along really well. We are mostly struggling with eye contact...still quite poor and has to be reminded of it a lot. He also has trouble initiating things, but has come a long way on that one. His biggest issue right now are the behavioral things...tantrums, screaming, complaining, whining, refusal, control...a lot of it is unfortunately part of being 4 and a lot is his inability to self regulate his emotions...all a work in progress I know, but SUPER frustrating to live with every single day and try to stay sane and raise another child. Some days we have one or two small issues, some days none, some days more than I think my brain can handle...tomorrow is preschool and hopefully it will be a good day...Brandon is gone tonight to Abilene and will be back late tomorrow night. Zach is still in his room not sleeping and it is 10 PM...Lord help me.

Friends?

Okay...I have discussed the subject a few times in my blogs already, so here I go again. I really have been amazed over my time here at Edwards with how difficult and different it has been for me to find, make and keep friends. Literally at no time in my life has it been so hard for me and I am baffled by it to be honest. I am so very thankful to people that make up my life and are my dear friends. I am honestly blessed to have such amazing and diverse friends. It is hard to imagine my life without some of them in it...it would be quite an empty place. I have moved a lot in my life and been fortunate enough to keep up with a lot of friends over the years. Some friendships have gotten lost along the way and others have been rekindled. Some eb and flow like any relationship where we talk more some weeks or months than others...it usually is never a real reflection on the friendship. Simply we get busy. I can't say how thankful I am for the friends I have. I love the quote that says, "Friends are the family you choose for yourself." How true is that? I also like the philosophy that some friends come into your life for different reasons. Some are meant to be there for a lifetime and others for just a short time...I think you never know this until much later which one they will be...but it is so true. Some people are there simply to teach us a lesson or help us through a time in our life, but others are just meant to be in our life.
I have noticed a lot of things lately. I don't do the friend for convenience thing really well and it seems like a lot of people here are all about that. I just don't have that in me...I guess to me it feels like a waste of time. I want a friend for more than an assignment...a play date...to say hi to around town...I want someone that is my FRIEND. I am always amazed at how easy it is to just catch up and talk to my real friends. It is just like we saw each other yesterday and it could have been years...i know I should call my friends more often. Email is too easy! I hope I can make more time to call my friends, send more personal emails and even letters...to make that extra effort and above all visit them. I would love to plan a girls weekend with some friends...all meet at a spa...seriously anyone reading this that wants to even consider this I think it would be awesome! Yes, no kids...
I also am fascinated at the fact that there comes a point in our lives when we stop having friend of the opposite sex. Is it when we get engaged, married? I know I have friends, but they are usually Brandon's friends that are mine by default...or old friends that we share an email or two every few months and talk about superficial stuff. What happened to all those great guy friends I had at one time? I will say I have been lucky enough to find an old friend again and through the luck of things we have gotten back into talking and being friends...he is amazing. He always has been someone I can be very honest with and trust and I love that he doesn't put up with my crap...he calls me out on thing and I think that is great...I don't love it, but I need it and that is a true friend. (Renee and Kelly you are also in this category). I am glad to have him back as my friend and in my life, but how rare is that? It seems like we lose that ability to be friends with people of the opposite sex and have it just be platonic and that is sad...it is nice to have a friend that can see the other perspective at times. Lord knows I don't speak man and I can use all the help I can get some days!
I guess this is a post to all my friends...I love you all. I really couldn't have made it through a lot of the last year or two without some of your support, comments, love and concern. It is amazing how much that gives me strength. I am always hopeful that a new assignment and move will bring me closer to you and let us have more time together. Even when I don't show it or say it enough, I am grateful for each and every one of you...I love my friends...my family...the AF has taken me far away from my real family, but it has allowed me to meet and make a new family that I am forever thankful for having....

quick one

Quick blog today...I might write later, but didn't get a chance yesterday. My dad's surgery was yesterday AM...they went in and found a good size cyst on a nerve in his back...this was causing the issues he had been suffering with his leg. They removed it without issue and he came home feeling good...then went back to the hospital last night after being home and having issues being able to urinate...combination of medication and being put under for surgery they think...my mom sounds awful on the phone, stressed, tired and I am sure a bit scared. My sister thankfully is there and was able to spend the night with my mom and help her. One huge reason we pushed to have them move closer...since I move all the time they can't leave near me and right now these are reasons it is great to have family closer. My thoughts and prayers are hoping he get to come home today and feels great...
Long day with Zach again...lots of tantrums....we are really hoping that we get the referral for behavioral therapy...the poor little guy obviously has some stuff going on and I am not helping him the way he needs...
I am off to preschool...

Minature golf...

So we took Zach and Erin to town to a place called Mulligan's to play minature golf...it was a lot of fun and super empty there. He also got to go in and play some arcade games. He did pretty well with the golf and tried even when he missed or was all over the place. I left early with Erin to head to my doctor's appointment. He said he will remove my pilar cysts in 3 weeks...yeah! So excited for them to be out of my head...bumps be gone! I ran around town looking for stupid life vests so they can go to the base pool...must be coast guard approved...couldn't find any in his size anywhere...frustrating...I might order some, not sure. Just irritating to drive all over town and look for them. No time to work on my scrapbook today, so will try later to get that finished up. Zach has speech tomorrow and Wednesday this week...preschool Tuesday and Thursday...Brandon is heading to Dyess at some point I think...we might head to San Diego this weekend, but aren't sure...Trying to reconnect with some friends here on base and make some new ones...I am realizing how lonely this fall will be if I don't make the effort...some times we even have to suck up our pride to do this. I am not sure what it is here, but I have had such a harder time with friends here. Making friends here, having sincere, good life long friends...just hasn't happened for me...

Well that is about it....I am going to post some photos and head off to put the kids in bed. Please send some well wishes and prayers out to my dad who is having surgery in the morning.

Slow Saturday

Not too much excitement today...we had a slow start to the day. Brandon headed into work this AM for a few hours and no, I wasn't thrilled about it, but that is how it goes. We went to lunch at Domingo's...a great Mexican restaurant in Boron...about a 25 minute drive. Ironically it is the same town where Zach now attends his special ed preschool. Boron and Edwards are the only two schools in Muroc school district. They closed the elementary school on base for the fall and moved it to another building...the special ed preschool program was let go all together and moved to Boron. Zach saw his school off the road and was so excited...it is my green speech school! He will start back there August 18th and I know he is ready. Lunch was great as always...we then got home and just didn't do much. Brandon didn't feel great...he got all his deployment shots yesterday and is convinced the anthrax one is making him sick...baby! We then headed to a pool birthday party at the base pool...darn pool with nine million rules. I am off tomorrow to find life vests that are coast guard approved...God forbid it is anything less...no noodles, floaties, etc...just a bunch of bull if you ask me...but I feel bad my kids don't go to the pool here because I don't the right equipment...can they make things harder? It was nice to get out and see people...I really don't have a ton of friends here right now, so the chance to mingle and talk is always nice.
I have my dermo appointment at 12, so we are going to try to get our butts in gear and head to town early and try that miniature golf course...maybe take two cars in case the kids need to hit the road first...they told me they won't take my cysts out tomorrow anyway...Might even try the pool again after...we will see how the day goes. Trying to plan a trip down to the beach next weekend...take advantage of all we can while we can I say!
Worked on my scrapbook a little more today from my trip to NC...really like how this one is coming together and feel like it was a good idea...just fun to put it all together!
Okay...really nothing exciting as I said...maybe more tomorrow...

Accomplishing....

So I felt so great about finishing Brandon's TPS scrapbook that I wanted to get moving on some other projects. I have so much stuff...in fact I feel like I have been hoarding things...I needed to complete and actually do projects. I still need to finish both of the kids albums from this year. Both are close to being done, but I have a goal to have them done by end of the month. Before I left for NC I bought a smaller scrapbook album at Target. It is red with white polka dots and so cute...only 8.5 x 8.5, so much smaller than what I usually use. I thought it would be perfect to do my first book on one subject, the trip to NC...so I bought some items while there at Hobby Lobby and sent off for my photos when I got home...get them and have been working on it today...I have 6 pages done and I love it so far...great way to capture our trip in one simple book and finally I feel like I am getting everything in one place. I always feel like I can't put all the photos I want on a page, etc. I am glad I chose to go out of my comfort zone and do something different...I really like it and it is a fun way to chronicle this trip and time with the kids and my parents. I will post the photos as soon as I am done with it....
Made my appointment today for my dermatologist...yes mom I finally called...he actually is going out of town for like a month, so it was good I called...he is seeing me on Sunday. I have two cysts in my head that have grown over the years and are actually becoming uncomfortable...so it is time to just go in and have them removed...
Ordered some new books and the first one arrived today...I want to start reading again like I used to and just needed some new books to get me excited and interested again...
Got a few things sold on Ebay and off to the post office...love cleaning out my junk...one man's treasure and all.
Brandon made some calls today regarding things with Zach...when he first got diagnosed he was given a caseworker...worthless person if you ask me. As someone who formerly did the job of a caseworker, she is worthless. She never calls back, tells us to make calls ourselves, and doesn't ever have the information we ask for. Today she tells us he has somehow been dis enrolled in the ECHO program...program for families with members that have a disability...how is dis enrolled...does he not have autism and no one told us? Worthless I tell you. We have been asking for a year to get certain services that we are entitled to and asking to find out about ones we don't know about. We actually got an interesting letter in the mail last week asking if we would like to be involved in a support group for parents of kids that have been labeled on the Autism Spectrum. It was written by the pediatrician, not the one we go to, but the new one that just got here this past year. Obviously we are not the only family in need and finally walls are coming down, people are talking and hopefully more can be done...if not for us for the next family that has to go through this mess...
Well my house is clean, my kids are sleeping and Brandon is looking tired too...I am off to bed as well...

A little soapbox talk...

Okay...I will warn you that this one will be less how my day is and more what is on my mind. With that being said, be prepared...I do plan to offend anyone, but might. I am not trying to preach or condemn...I am just sharing my feelings.
So here is the deal...
I married someone in the Air Force. I met someone in college that was unlike anyone I had met before and I fell in love. Brandon is smart, determined, loyal, kind and a hard worker. He continues to do well at work (CGO of the quarter...just a little bragging to add into my rant) and he is a great dad that really in the past year has devoted himself to being home more and doing much more with his family. I feel really lucky to have him be my husband. When we met and fell in love I had no military understanding...my dad was in Vietnam, but that was long before I was born and it never impacted me directly. Brandon and I have just learned as we went and made this our life.
So, yes it is a life we chose and I accept that label to some degree. I accept the fact we move often, we live in different and all too often in our case, not glamorous or great places. We have to follow different rules, some of our choices are often not our own and our opinions don't matter. We give up basic things many don't even realize. Example...moving here we had to live on base, it was a requirement...so with that comes the limitations of being on base...we are 30-45 minutes from town...we have a clinic not a hospital, so no ER access...we did live in an old house with a swamp cooler and asbestos...we are limited to the people we meet....we have to abide my rules when there are exercises...it is harder to have family come and go...etc. There are also lots of pluses and I am FULLY aware of those...but in that misconceptions. We don't get our house for free. We fore go a housing allowance to live on base. However, I do not have a utility bill, just pay for phone, cable, etc. We don't get the same services or access to some things...and the beurocracy to get things done is insane...don't get me started on the fisco with Zach's autism diagnosis and services we are still seeking!
I have always said I don't mind deployments, TDY's, the moving, etc...it is part of the job. One we accepted...but our kids didn't. And no matter what you say, it is hard on them. I don't complain about Brandon leaving, but I am scared and worried and sure, sad. I will say that I am appreciative of those who thank service members for what they do...I think that is great. I do get tired of the people that say things that are just...dumb. My friend Christna send an email about a year ago about what not to say to an AF wife when her husband deploys...that was great because it covered it all...I would love to make on for people of what not to say to someone whose child has autism, but that will be a later soapbox post...
First...I know that we have it "easy" compared to the Army and Marines...but in fairness, I didn't marry someone in those branches and it sucks that my husband and many others are being tasked to do those jobs. Brandon isn't in an operational squadron here, he is in a test one...he shouldn't be deployed...he is to go do a desk job...not even fly and do what he is trained to do...to me that is a wasted time for all, but I am not in charge and no one asked me, right? Even still he going and he will do his job and do it well. So, don't say to me,"How long is he going? Oh, 4 months, that isn't bad" Where is he going? Well at least it isn't Iraq." Please refrain...I know 4 months is a cake walk compared to a year...I know he won't be in Iraq, but he will be in the Middle East and very far from home. We only get an hour a week to talk. He will miss so many moments and memories with Zach and Erin. They will miss out on so much they could do and enjoy with him. What amazes me the most is that most of the people, about 99% of the people that say this stuff to me are people with no direct military connection. It is easy to say that when it isn't your loved one going away. It is easy to say that when it doesn't affect you. It is easy to say that when you aren't the one having to sacrifice...
I am proud of Brandon and his choice to serve his country...I am proud of the sacrifice we make as a family to do it. I only ask others to think about what they say...No amount of time without your loved on is easy, fun or something you would choose...it is a sacrifice and a duty. So...that is my rant...

Ebs and Flows...

Well as bad as yesterday was with Zachary, today couldn't have been better. He woke up in a great mood, very alert, talkative, and happy. He told me he was going to school, it was Thursday, water day and he gets to wear his swim suit to go down the slide...he proceeded to eat breakfast, get dressed and get off to school with no issues...oh how nice! He had a great day at school and the afternoon continued to be good on through the night...he went to bed at 8 and is snoring now...again, so nice! I have had a raging headache since about noon, so that is not so nice...but at least it comes on a day he is doing well rather than the other way around. Brandon's TDY to Travis AFB got moved to August...he will go to Dyess next week instead....always changes at the last minute, never goes as planned. But we will take what we can get and not complain. I ran errands to Walmart and Big Lots today...man can you find a lot of junk you don't need in those places...I did get a few good buys though and things I needed. Tomorrow is family day out on South Base (where Brandon works on base). I am not sure if we will go, I am still deciding...it is supposed to be hot and the morons there hold the event outside from 11-3...it is the desert people...no trees, shade, etc. We are going to attempt miniature golf (or garfing as Zach calls it) on Saturday. My parents live on a golf course in NC and Zach loved going out with Brandon...this might be a fun thing to try out for him. Not much else on the plate...a birthday party Saturday that we might go to, depends on the rest of the days activities...then maybe a meal out...who knows. It should be a nice weekend and fun family time...I am off to find more drugs for my head...I had so much I wanted to do tonight, but not sure if I will get around to it feeling like this...

Today...

Started out great...I finished my book...love finishing books! Even when I love the book and don't really want it to end, it is that little feeling of accomplishment I like. Easy read, but still nice to just finish it and start back into my habit of reading before bed again. I need those habits back in my life. I finished Brandon's TPS (test pilot school) scrapbook. Yippee!!! I swore when he finished that year, which was two years ago last month...I would go ahead and make a scrapbook. I never did. So, now I can say I did and it turned out pretty well. He flew a ton of planes that year and it was nice to have them all on pages, labeled and of course looking cute too! I doubt some of the cute embelishments I chose would have been his top picks, but you have to have cute sometimes too! Glad to have done that for him and have a place where he can look back on that experience fondly. The kids will enjoy it one day too I hope.
My day with the kids was pretty uneventful. Pretty much if we don't have to go out, we don't most days. So Zach and I did finger painting this AM...he loved it. We had breakfast, standard pancakes...he was good most of the day, but seriously I could tell he was bored and as the day went on he made it clear with comments...I want to go to speech school....I want to fly airplane to see Nowie and Grandpa....Can I go play with Jacob...it was sad, but we hung in there. We got to enjoy an afternoon storm. Short, but a treat here and stayed out to watch it and got a few drops on us. Then I made dinner and the switched turned. Zach has these awful tantrums sometimes. It is like he just loses control and isn't there anymore. You can't get through, you can't calm him down...it is not good. They aren't often, but they happen enough that they are an issue. Today was long with him...just different behavior that was getting to me, I had to redirect him a lot, he started something and then walked away...So tonight was not easy. He flipped out about his dinner, wanted to go to bed...always giving excuses to get out of things. For me it is so hard...I know that I don't handle it well, but I continue to handle it the same bad way each time. I get so mad at myself after, but in the moment I never see that I am not helping, but making it worse. I push his buttons, he pushes mine and we just set each other off. So many people think that Zach looks like me and Erin looks like Brandon and that is partly true...but personalities...not the same. Zach is stubborn, like Brandon and myself, but he has more of his dad in him in a lot of ways...mainly the ones that make me so darn mad!!! Anyhow. It is so hard for me right now with him...I used to be the one person that always could get to him, calm him, help him, understand him. I was that person that was who he needed and wanted and now I feel like I make so much worse. I see behaviors forming in him that I either directly or indirectly caused and that kills me. I just hate ending our day like this...it makes me sad! I know that it is one day and we have a lot of good ones here too...we just really need to get a handle on his behavior right now. I think I need super nanny!
I am hopeful tomorrow will be better and I can learn from each day and be a better mom than I am...he deserves that!

Erin's turn

Okay...so I re-read a lot of my old posts and realized...not much is being said about the other mini Miller, Erin. I know it is easy for me to talk about Zach and not include Erin on here for a lot of reasons...so let me share.
Zachary for obvious reasons, takes up much more of my time daily. He needs more attention, requires me to refocus him and keep him busy with things, he needs help with certain things and we are always aware that some things he does become obsessions or bad behaviors, so watching him is key. The last week or so it has been harder...he is acting like we have fed him pure sugar...very hyper and bouncing from thing to thing. Now that one of his preschools is off until August 18th, he is only at school two days a week and has much more "free" time...not always good for him or for me...Zachary has come a long way in one year. He has accomplished so much. Ironically some things are often ones parents take for granted or for most kids aren't a big deal. So, for us, they are huge. He is insanely smart, but simple things are struggles, change is hard, he is super picky about so much, his behaviors can be odd and he is having temperament issues that are difficult to manage...but he is also the most amazing little boy and I would be lost without him.
With all that said, we turn to Erin. Erin Taylor. She is just a blessing. I often refer to Zach as my purpose. I am more religious than people think despite my lackluster record of church attendance. I think I was given Zach as my child for a reason. He has taught me so much. But, Erin...she is my gift. Erin was not a planned baby. Zach was. I even found out I was pregnant with her by accident while at the doctor to discuss the possibility of getting pregnant again. Brandon and I were in a rough spot and going through a lot with Zach, although at that time we had no idea what it was. My first weeks pregnant with Erin were tough and the doctor had concerns about her even making it...so she is my miracle. My pregnancy was good, but I had so much stress during it. My c-section was easy and when I woke up I was so ready to meet her...she spent the day in the incubator and we didn't meet until 10 PM that night...I fell in love!
Oh my Erin...I don't even know what I can say about her. She is easy. That is the best word to describe her, but it sounds too simple. Erin doesn't fuss or complain. She goes with the flow. Very little upsets her. Zach can be having a full fledged fit in the tub next to her and she just sits there and goes on playing with her toys. She is only whinny when she is hungry...she LOVES to eat. She eats everything...not picky. She is a great sleeper. She is smart. She is sweet and loving. She is funny. She has a personality on her that makes me smile. She loves to be loved...social bug! Erin just is...there is no drama or huge effort. She goes anywhere with us and never do we have to make huge adjustments. It is like God knew exactly the baby to give us.
Don't get me wrong...I love both of my children more than life. One is not better than the other...but they are quite different people with different needs. Zachary is amazing, but is sensitive to a lot and needs much more hands on attention for a lot of things...Erin is just easy and willing.
I often feel guilty that I don't have the time with her that I wish I did. I know every mom with more than one child feels this, but it is different. We do so much for Zach, with Zach, about Zach...I never want to her to get lost in the shuffle or feel that. I feel like the luckiest person in the world that Erin Taylor is my daughter. I watch her grow and learn things every day in amazement...she is doing things that I didn't think a child her age could do. She is my gift and I am grateful every day that someone else knew exactly what I needed even when I didn't and sent it to me...
Thank you Erin!

My musings...

Today was a pretty typical Tuesday...Zach has preschool in Palmdale every Tue/Thr. Erin now stays home with her sitter (I hate calling her that since she is really becoming my friend and does so much with Erin)...she is really getting a lot out of being able to stay home and not run around with me...better naps, eating better and able to do some fun things...plus learning Mommy isn't the only one that can take care of her. Erin is awesome with her and I am so thankful to have her in our lives right now. She is a blessing for sure...
Zach had a good day at school...at first he was a bit apprehensive since his teacher was busy with a meeting and he had to go to a new room and wait...but he saw his friends and warmed up once one came over and said hi to him. He then waved at me and said, "You can go now." Gotta love it. He got Panera for lunch and so did I...yummy! I love their soups! On the way home he said, "Mommy, where did my pretty green trees go?" I was impressed with his big sentence, but so sad that he said that...being back in NC only further reminded all the kids really miss out on living here...it isn't just being in a city and having those amenities. It isn't just that we are so far from family being here. It is the little things...It just makes me sad.
On another sad note...my mom told me dad met with his neurologist today and he has decided to go ahead and have back surgery...he has been having issues for a while now and they are affecting him more and more...a lot to go into...but he will have it on Monday...all of you that read this, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers...he means the world to me and I just want him to be okay and feel okay. I hate that he has to go through this, but hopefully it will ease his suffering.
Brandon is supposed to fly to Abilene at some point this week...as always the B-1 is a bit unreliable and the plans continue to move around and make it hard for us to make plans. I would love to keep our weekends full and busy until he leaves. It is so sad to think he has such little time left before he leave. I was at Sams today and just got a wave of sadness looking at stuff...just knowing it will be 4 months before I go out and buy his favorite things for dinner, etc. Just made me think...
I am not unaware that this deployment is more scary for me than before...two kids, one with special needs, living far away from family and having limited friends here...I try not to dwell on it, but today it just hit more...I will try tomorrow not let it get me down!
Not much else to report today...Zach is still off on his sleep here...woke up Sunday and Monday around 5 AM and today at 6:30...usually he is the late riser of the crew...Hoping he gets his clock back on track soon. He has been so wound up lately...ADD and Autism are not the best mix, so I am hoping that I don't have both on my hands.
Okay...I am off to fold the rest of my laundry and clean up my beautiful mess of a house. More tomorrow...

photos...

Just some photos from this trip I wanted to share...Miss you mom and dad!

Returning home....

It is always an adjustment to return home after a trip anywhere, especially one to see my parents. It is like we all go into a withdrawal. The kids are so used to the love, affection and extra attention, being back home with less of that is hard. Erin was glued to me most of yesterday soaking up every hug and kiss with desperation....not that I mind! Zach's time is all messed up...he did great out there and Erin was the one that couldn't adjust to the time change...now that we are back his clock is off....he has been up at 5:30 the last two mornings in a row...not fun! He has speech in town around 12, so lets hope he doesn't start to get tired by then from being up so darn early. He asked right away yesterday to get back on a plane and go back to 51 and see Nowie and Grandpa. (He calls my mom Nowie instead of Noni...that was all he could say at the time and it stuck!) 51 is their house number and the boy loves his numbers...
I also had the issue of just house stuff. I had to vacuum, but I love that since I love my vacuum...I know I am pathetic, it is the little things that make me happy people. There was a huge power outage while we were gone...10 hours! So, needless to say my frig had to be emptied. I was not too happy with that since it was pretty full of things I had bought pre trip so I wouldn't have to go the store right away...On the positive side, it gave me an awesome excuse to clean out my fridge and it needed it. I spent over $200 at the commissary though...not good.
My friend Erin that watched my Erin took care of our mail, plants and house...my plants looked awesome! I was so happy to come home and see that...usually they die sad deaths when I am gone. Sally was picked up from her new kennel...she had been going to a place in town for about 2 years and suddenly when we called to make her reservation their answering machine said they were closed...strange. Big for sale sign out front...I am sure mortgage issues to blame. So we got her a new place and she did well...she slept all day, exhausted from her week there. Got a nice bath and is so soft. She will be back to being insane tomorrow!
For me it is always hard to leave my parents...it just is. I tried this time not to cry, it only freaks out the kids and has me feeling worse. It is hard to know they aren't as accessible to me I think. I am glad that I got to see their new house though. It was so great to see...my mom did a fantastic job decorating it and the area they live is so nice. It was wonderful to be back "home". They live in Greensboro which is part of the triad...my sister lives in High Point and we grew up outside of Winston-Salem. So, I was able to go back to Winston and see that area too....always makes me feel good. I always wish I had more time to be with my parents, but so thankful for any time I get. They are amazing parents and wonderful grandparents. My children are so lucky! I honestly just love to watch them interact...to see Zach and Erin around my mom and dad is a gift and something I will treasure always. They know they are loved and are just so happy with my parents. I am glad they have them in their life.
But, now it is back to reality...Brandon will be on TDY this week to Abilene...then next week to Travis AFB...I was planning to go, but now think I won't because we would have to change around lots of appointments for a short trip...maybe another time. Lots to do before he leaves...time is fast approaching. I hope it goes this fast when he is gone, but I know that it won't. I will post this now and add some pictures...I will do that in a separate post though...
Happy Monday!!!

Heading Home...

These trips always seem too fast...the kids always have a rough start with the time changes and travel days...the first day is usually a lot of sleeping, yawning, wacky eating and just not fully together. Then they get to be themselves and just start acting like they are at home here...it is awesome to see. Both kids love my parents and have just grown to share amzing relationships with them...I am thrilled to watch them evolve over time. Erin has quite a personality for 1 and she is in love with my dad...she thinks my mom is a God send since she is always with food...Zach has loved them both since he was a baby...I am just so lucky to have such loving, involved, supportive and kinds parents...I am so blessed. I am sad to head home, but glad we had the time here...it will be a long day tomorrow and lots to do, so I will close now and post at home with lots of photos...much love to everyone...

More NC stuff...

We took the kids yesterday into Winston-Salem and went to the children's museum. We had breakfast first at my favorite place, the Desertery and then off to the museum...had a blast and it was well worth it. Then off to my other favorite, TJ's Deli for lunch then home. My parents live in Greensboro, my sister in high point and Winston is the third city in the triad area. I actually grew up in Winston and in an outer area, Clemmons (mostly of there). It was nice to be back in my old terrain and I felt comfortable...funny how that is. Knowing roads, seeing old places, having a favorite place to eat and knowing just what you want before you even go in...stuff I miss.
I can't deny these trips make me homesick. Moving so much with the AF life homesick is just part of it. I was so homesick for Tucson when we moved to Idaho after we got married...I cried all the way to Utah I think. I was still home sick when we got to Enid, OK...At that point NC was always my home, where my childhood and past lived...but Arizona had taken on a new place in my life. My parents were there, my life in college, friends, new memories...so much of the new part of me had been born there. Then we went to Abilene and I missed Enid a bit...friends mostly, but soon grew to like life there and it became home after four years. Now I find myself missing Abilene a ton when I am at "home" at Edwards. I will always miss here like most people miss where they grew up...memories are amazing like...they become more like dreams with time I think...you forget so much bad and remember so much good. :) I would love to live here one day to be closer to family and friends and to be settled somewhere I think would be great to raise a family...but I know that might not be in our cards. I am right now pretty okay and even excited at the thought of going back to Abilene...so we will see...homesick is relative I guess...
My day today was going to Hobby Lobby...something I haven't done since I left Texas...Oh how I miss that store and my HUGE bill today proved that...so I bought 3 years worth of not buying in one day...I guess that is a way to look at it. I got a ton of scrapbook items and things I don't have access to at my house...and some cute home accessories too. Couldn't resist really. I had a nice time out by myself...Brandon golfed and the kids and grandparent time. We had dinner with my sister and her family...I have to say one thing...my kids are eating machines on this trip. Zachary is a toothpick...33 pound at 4...tiny. Erin is 19 at 13 months...not big either...but man can they eat here. Zach has eaten more here than he has eaten at home for months...so great to see him trying new foods and meals aren't a nightmare for me...well until we get home. Erin has rejected her bottle and formula for 2 days straight. Our doctor had talked me into keeping her on it for a few more weeks since her weight was off so much from how her growth was going earlier in the year...I guess she has discovered food and is over it...she eats everything...it is adorable and wonderful...
As always my time with my parents seems too short...I feel like tempers run short and we all just get so worked up with such limited time...trying to fit it all in and enjoy...I know I am guilty of it as much as anyone. I miss them so much and really feel so blessed to be so close to them and have the relationship we do...they are awesome parents. Life is short and I have to learn to calm down, take a breath and live each day...I wish it were that easy for me some days to just do it and not know I need to do it...be patient, be kind, use a nice tone of voice with people, enjoy all things good and bad and just live in the moment...not worry so darn much...this is what I hope I can achieve in myself in the next few months...things are going to suck time to time...I need to get over it and just live my life the best I can.
OK...off to bed now I hope. Erin has had an off day with sleep and refusing her bottle...so we hope that she isn't sick with ear issues and is just showing her personality...I will get pictures up soon...

First days in NC

Well we had a long day of travel on Friday, the 4th. The kids couldn't have been better though. Zachary was a bit frustrated with the layover in Phoenix...just in a hurry to get on the next flight and get going. I couldn't look out the window, it was really a little hard to be there. I loved living in Tucson and all my years in Arizona and it will be a while until I am used to that not being home base for me. I love North Carolina though...this is my home...I grew up here. It is so pretty and green and just feels like home to me. I love the trees...something we never see at my house. My kids are in awe I think of the green and tall trees. My parents new house is beautiful...they have this awesome view of the golf course and of course as only parents can do it, live by a resort here in Greensboro. They have a beautiful sun room that I would spend every day in if it was mine. My mom always does a beautiful job making every house look amazing and I love how this one looks.
We got to see my sister and her family last night and that was great...all the kids did well together and the boys actually played together. It was awesome to see them interact that way. Zach actually was asking to play with Jacob and excited to see him and do things...it was a nice change...we had some meltdowns and issues, but not as bad as before. He has a bit of an obsession with his leapster right now and I am frustrated with that. Otherwise he is doing well and has accepted the change pretty well.
As always it is bittersweet to come home. It is harder now to be here with my parents and sister so close together and me now so far away. I know this is the life we have with the AF, but it doesn't make it easier. I would love to have a place that was mine and feel at home in a community.
And for those out there who love to comment, "well you chose that life". Yes and no. I get really pissed off at that. Yes, I chose to marry Brandon and I knew when I met him what he was doing with his career...however I was not aware of the military life and all it entailed...most people aren't. I had no idea some of the places we would live...and FYI we don't get to pick. I had no idea that some people would get great locations, no deployments or even stateside ones and others would be gone more than home...there is no instruction manual that comes with it. So while I chose my husband, I didn't knowingly choose so much of this. I don't complain endlessly or play the poor me card, so that is even more why that comment irritates me. I take things with a grain of salt and try to always remember ever single day so many military families have it so much worse than us. Many wives have their husbands gone for a year or more...some deal with injuries and worse yet, some suffer the ultimate loss. I know how blessed I am for what I have. But, it never makes it easier to watch friends come and go from my life and move so often. It doesn't make it easier to watch your children just learn to not expect daddy to be around and if he is it is fantastic. It is not easy to prepare for deployments, make out wills and say goodbye to the person you love for months. It just isn't easy...sorry. I accept my life and gladly accept the sacrifices that come along with it and try to do so without bitching and moaning...so for those of you that don't live this life and don't understand, think before you speak. No one really asks for their life...things happen to all of us and we all just learn to adapt...I am so thankful and grateful every day for so much I have and that others have sacrificed for me.

So...just wanted to share that while it was fresh on my mind...I hope everyone had a great fourth...photos to come soon.

Just a quite post...wanted to share Erin's Happy 4th outfit...she looked so cute in it going up the club for dinner Tuesday...it is a family tradition now to go up for Tuesday night buffet...all four of us eat for less than $12 and it is super close to the house, literally behind us. Since going into town is just too far for a quick dinner, and I need a break from cooking...we have made this our thing. Works well for us and the kids. Anyhow...just wanted to share those cute pictures...

Our Bakersfield evaluations weren't exactly what we had expected, so it was awkward at the end...we left unsure of what we would get out of it. Basically they spent the time gathering information from us and while Zach was in the room, no real interaction with him or evaluating of him occurred. We hope that we can still get some behavioral help through them, but looks like they plan to pass the occupational off to the school. It is the typical left hand not talking to the right. No one knows who is supposed to provide what service and no one wants to pay for any of it. It wasn't a waste, but not what we had thought. So...we will be hopeful and maybe we can get some additional help. For now we are packed and ready to head East to NC. The flight leaves Ontario around 1 PM tomorrow and gets into Charlotte around 10:30 PM...add on the 2 hours to the airport on either side of the trip...long day!!!!! So, pray for us and safe, meltdown free day...I am just excited for what is on the other side and will stay focused on that.

Hope all of you have a safe and happy Fourth of July...

bakersfield...

We are off to Bakersfield this AM for Zach's evaluations with the county regional center. They will be doing an occupational therapy assessment and a behavior therapy one on him. If he gets assessed as to needing these things, then apparently these would be offered by a therapist in our home. I can't stress what a relief that would be since things are so far away from us and gas prices so high...one less drive would be great and less stress on all of us. So...we leave early this AM, Erin is going to stay home with Erin R, her sitter and Brandon and I are taking Zach. One of those rare times I hope he doesn't do too well so they see has a need for the services...I will post more later and let you know how I think it went and share some photos.
I'm off to wake up the boys!

Completely self serving post...

WE own the 4Runner! We paid it off one year early and now we proudly own two cars....granted one is 8 years old and the other is almost 6, we own them and they are both in very good condition...so nice to be done with that payment and to own both cars! Granted we now are placing that money to pay for a part time "nanny" to help me with the kids while Brandon is deployed, but oh well. I have hired someone, also named Erin, to help me. Her husband works with Brandon...she has an early education background and is great with the kids. She will be watching Erin when Zach goes to school in Palmdale Tuesday and Thursday...basically Erin was getting to big and busy just to drag around town for those 4 hours two days a week and it was very unfair to her. She is such a happy girl and this way she can have time to enjoy things for her, not have to miss a nap and get meals that aren't on the go. I had looked at day cares and preschools, but nothing that I was happy wtih taking her to and nothing that was affordable for the time she would be there. She will also watch her when Zach has his therapies. I took Erin a few weeks ago and having her there was a big distraction for everyone. So...it will help keep Zach on track and give Erin some one on one time with another adult...something she will need more and more wtih Brandon gone. Erin will also be available to help me with both kids or even watch Zach...just a huge bonus to our household in during this time. I am excited to have her! So...I felt the desire to share that...
Gotta get Zach on the "white van 41" to speech school.

Busy days...

Well the next few days are busy prior to our trip. Tomorrow Zach has his last day of speech school...they had a summer program for the kids for only a few weeks...he will return to that school in August. This is the school he goes to through the school district...it was on base and has been moved to a nearby town...it takes the van to and from school...about a 30 minute drive from our house. He loves his teacher and seems to like the new school and longer drive. His days there are not as fun as his other school...more directed work on things like speech, motor skills, group work...all the things that are struggles. He has done well there and learned a lot...he goes there 3 days a week starting August 18th...His other school in Palmdale is two days a week...he is attending their summer program and it continues until August...he has a week break between the fall semester starting and moving to the 4 year old class there. I am excited to know he will move up with his age group and hopeful he will do well and have no issues with that transition. He has so much ahead of him...I hope that at least the school situation will be a place he feels safe. Tomorrow he will go to school in the morning and then we have speech therapy in town at 5 PM. Thursday we are heading to Bakersfield to get him assessed to see if he qualifies for occupational and behavioral therapies...we live in Kern County and Bakersfield is where the regional center is located. If he is approved these would be therapies he would get at home. I am hopeful he qualifies...any additional help is something we are glad to take! Then we have to run Sally to the kennel that night and we are off Friday AM to the airport and our trip to NC...so much! I just feel like time is ticking away for us and each day we get closer to Brandon leaving and things we need to do. I hate that feeling...something I haven't missed since leaving Texas, but I remember it well. I am sad to know Brandon will be gone so long and be so far away. It is hard not to be jealous a little of people's whose husbands don't have to go or got stateside "deployemnts". I am not a jealous person usually. I know he will miss so much of the kids lives. He will be alone and not with friends or people he knows and doing a job that isn't something he has interest in, just filling a position. I know the kids will miss him desperatley. I know it will be hard and confusing for both of them in different ways. I am sure I will have a lot of acting out from them and issues that arise due to his abesence. And selfishly...I am a bit scared for me. I don't have a good support network here. I have a serious lacking in friends at this time. I just don't feel very close to the friends I do have and sometimes question the sencerity of those friendships. I know that I have great friends and family in my life, but no one here wtih me daily and that is scary. I won't lie. Before I have had people I rely on and close friends to help me get through those moments. I haven't had two kids and one with special needs to be met. This will be a challenge for me and as much as I know it, I hope I am prepared for it. Most of all...I will miss him. We fight...we piss each other off...we communicate poorly...we aren't a perfect couple by any measure...but we love each other and we love our kids and our life as a family. I will miss having him to turn to in a time of need and to share those special moments...the ones only he really gets.
Like tongiht. Another little thing for most, but big thing for us. Zach was a pill most of the day. Just crabby. He has had a few meltdowns (fits, whatever word you choose) the past few days that are just a bit more than normal. Today he was just full of whining and crabbiness. So tonight I was shocked when Brandon got him out of the tub and told him to get dressed by himself. I tried this technique this morning and was met with tears and total refusal. So...tonight he whined and he said he couldn't, but he did. He was offered 20 minutes with his Leapster before bed if he did it himself...and God Bless him...he did. He struggled, but he did it. And he was so proud of himself...he danced around the room, gave us huge hugs and kisses...it was great. Those moments are special, but even more so when we can share them together...I will miss that the most I think...
So...that is where I am tonight...a bit sad, but there are lots of highs and lows to come in the next few weeks and for sure months...Hopefully tomorrow I have more pep in my step...