So the reality is setting in tonight as I watch the kids get in their bath with daddy and laugh...this won't be happening again for a while. It sucks...no other word fits...it just does. I hate it for them and for me...I will miss Brandon so much. The kids will miss him...Sally will miss him. I know he is having a hard time leaving this time too, and maybe that is why it is harder for me too...we are feeding off of that from each other. He is sad to leave me here (physically here at Edwards) and with two small kids that require a lot of needs...and I am sad to have him going to do a pretty worthless job in the grand scheme of things.
But...my new mantra is suck it up....I just have to no matter how much I hate this and don't want this to be happening, it is...so suck it up. I must just accept it and deal with it. I can't change the circumstances of all of this for any of us no matter how much I want to or even try.
We are going to try to drive to the beach tomorrow...why not? We mine as well try to have some fun and get out of here while we can.
So Wednesday is just around the corner now and I am hoping to feel prepared and okay...right now I am just going to enjoy...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday came and went...
Friday went well...Zach had a good day at school and got a good report...always nice! I took a long walk with Erin to the post office and then child development center(CDC)...I wanted to get the kids signed up for "Give Parents Break"...you can take your kids there for one Saturday a month when your spouse is deployed. I didn't use it at Dyess since Zach was so tiny, but I might here and the kids might enjoy it. Plus I wanted to get Erin set up for the option to go to hourly care if I ever need to use that while Brandon is gone. So...we will see.
Went back to my doctor to get the stitches out...another hour and a half in the waiting room...ridiculous! They are out and that is good.
Had a nice dinner last night, nice walk to the park behind the CDC with the kids...since we don't have one in the neighborhood I wanted to be able to take our nightly walk and go to a park all in one...so this one is close enough to make our walk longer and give us time to play...should be nice and add some time to that part of our night when Brandon is gone.
It was super hot the past two days here. Last night it was 99 degrees at 9 PM. Hoping for a cool down...might run to the beach tomorrow AM, not sure...just want to use to the chance to get out of here while Brandon is here. I want to do a lot with the kids when Brandon is gone, but I have to be realistic to what I can do and handle by myself. So...we will do what we can. Zach isn't self sufficient enough and Erin isn't at all, so there are some things I know I can't try to tackle and others I might try and just see how it goes...I did the math last night and it is 18 weeks...I will be in NC for the last 4 and my mom and dad will be here for about 3 in October...Visitors are welcome!!!
We did have some cute moments last night and this AM with Zach. We were walking home last night from the park and he was riding his bike...I wanted him to see the sky...so I turned him and showed him the clouds...I asked what colors they were etc. He said, "Wow, that is a pretty sunset." I never used that word...I was impressed. Then at home last night and this AM he has been telling us he is playing school in his room. He gets out a book and sits in front of his closet (it has mirrors) and he acts like a teacher with students. It is so cute.
Erin is also gaining some more spunk and personality. She is so funny...she takes stuff out of my bathroom drawers and scatters them through the house, she is like a squirrel hiding nuts. My makeup is usually in the pantry now. :) She also does this cute thing with her feet when she is happy or excited...she gets a big smile and then steps in place super fast on her little feet....we call them her "happy feet". I love it.
I am off to enjoy my family...have a great day!
Went back to my doctor to get the stitches out...another hour and a half in the waiting room...ridiculous! They are out and that is good.
Had a nice dinner last night, nice walk to the park behind the CDC with the kids...since we don't have one in the neighborhood I wanted to be able to take our nightly walk and go to a park all in one...so this one is close enough to make our walk longer and give us time to play...should be nice and add some time to that part of our night when Brandon is gone.
It was super hot the past two days here. Last night it was 99 degrees at 9 PM. Hoping for a cool down...might run to the beach tomorrow AM, not sure...just want to use to the chance to get out of here while Brandon is here. I want to do a lot with the kids when Brandon is gone, but I have to be realistic to what I can do and handle by myself. So...we will do what we can. Zach isn't self sufficient enough and Erin isn't at all, so there are some things I know I can't try to tackle and others I might try and just see how it goes...I did the math last night and it is 18 weeks...I will be in NC for the last 4 and my mom and dad will be here for about 3 in October...Visitors are welcome!!!
We did have some cute moments last night and this AM with Zach. We were walking home last night from the park and he was riding his bike...I wanted him to see the sky...so I turned him and showed him the clouds...I asked what colors they were etc. He said, "Wow, that is a pretty sunset." I never used that word...I was impressed. Then at home last night and this AM he has been telling us he is playing school in his room. He gets out a book and sits in front of his closet (it has mirrors) and he acts like a teacher with students. It is so cute.
Erin is also gaining some more spunk and personality. She is so funny...she takes stuff out of my bathroom drawers and scatters them through the house, she is like a squirrel hiding nuts. My makeup is usually in the pantry now. :) She also does this cute thing with her feet when she is happy or excited...she gets a big smile and then steps in place super fast on her little feet....we call them her "happy feet". I love it.
I am off to enjoy my family...have a great day!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Busy Day!
So today we had a busy schedule and by tonight, it was clear the kids were done...
Zach had preschool this AM in town...Brandon went with me since he isn't going into work until he leaves Wednesday AM (9/3). He spent most of the AM on the phone with people trying to tie up loose ends. A bit annoying to me, but it was nice to have him around none the less. We got a few items for the kids for Christmas gifts...since he won't be here, it was a good chance for him to get things for them with me. Picked up Zach and he had a good day at school...he had a picture he colored in his cubby box...I took it out and then rechecked the name on the box...sure at first it wasn't his. It was actually colored, not scribbled in a rush. You could tell he pressed down with the crayon, stayed in the lines more than normal and put time into it...I was shocked. I asked the teacher if he really did that or they helped him. She told me, "No, that is his. I told him he is in pre-K now and he has to do work...no scribbles in my room anymore." I like this lady. She says it in a nice way with a smile, but she means business. I could have kissed her. I kissed Zach instead.
We got home to have the fan repair guy arrive within the hour... he happens to be the only cute maintenance guy on the whole base. I was happy he showed up since he also is one of the few to speak English...sorry, it is hard to ask for help when no one understands me. He fixed our fan and Erin's closet door that had an issue...all is well with that for this week...the house will implode next Thursday and the kids will be sick by the following weekend...that is how deployments work.
Then Brandon's new commander came by with his wife and two kids. He just took command about a week ago from the commander we have had for 2 years....He was a piece of trash in my opinion as a leader. Anyway...this man is very nice, sincere, and easy to talk to from my stand point. I didn't feel that air of attitude, but genuine interest in me and my children. His wife was great...spoke to me about my daily life to get an idea of our schedule, the kids personalities, etc. She knew about Zach and asked questions and offered information that was appropriate. She even offered to help if I ever had an issue getting someone to watch Erin for his therapy or school. It felt like she meant it. So...that was great. Their kids are young, so they get that aspect too. All in all it was nice they came by and offered help to us and reached out in a sincere way when I really needed to hear that...I am not too proud to ask for help now (I am wise enough now to know when I am in over my head)...so hopefully I will be able to turn to them if I am in need.
Then we had some time before the speech school open house in Boron...Erin was fussy and went back down for a nap...she slept late and we were rushed to get to the school. It was about 108-109 today...super hot outside with no breeze, no clouds, just heat! The school is small about a 30 minute drive from our house...so we got there only to wait while everyone was jammed in the cafeteria with no air...we hung out under a tree...HOT...a friend of mine whose son also has autism was there...she and her husband aren't super warm, so it is sometimes awkward to chat...should be easier since we live here and have things in common...our boys are in different classes and also at different levels right now...Zach has had marked improvement in a year and theirs seems to be having more issues pop up than go away. She did offer to hang out next Friday afternoon, so I will go...I refuse to say no...seems like if I do that here no one asks me again. :) She also mentioned that if I don't have plans for Thanksgiving they will be here and I can join them if I don't mind it being simple...I said sure...so we will see if I get any other offers...I am game!
Then we tried to go to dinner...it didn't go as well as we planned...it was busy and the kids were hot, tired and done...we rushed and left with a box...so not the best, but we tried.
I cleaned the back porch up today too and we moved the table into a better spot and set the umbrella up...hopefully the insane winds here don't knock it over...All in all a good day, busy and long...I am ready to watch some CNN coverage of the DNC that I missed....
I enjoyed watching Senator Biden last night and loved his speech. I like him a lot and wish he was the nominee to be honest. After working at a domestic violence shelter, he is a hero in our books for writing the violence against women act...He had some wonderful comments about his family, his thoughts on life and I loved his comments on power.
So...tomorrow I head to get my stitches out again...plan to read most of the rest of my book while there. :) No fun plans for the weekend...packing and spending time together...whatever it is.
Zach had preschool this AM in town...Brandon went with me since he isn't going into work until he leaves Wednesday AM (9/3). He spent most of the AM on the phone with people trying to tie up loose ends. A bit annoying to me, but it was nice to have him around none the less. We got a few items for the kids for Christmas gifts...since he won't be here, it was a good chance for him to get things for them with me. Picked up Zach and he had a good day at school...he had a picture he colored in his cubby box...I took it out and then rechecked the name on the box...sure at first it wasn't his. It was actually colored, not scribbled in a rush. You could tell he pressed down with the crayon, stayed in the lines more than normal and put time into it...I was shocked. I asked the teacher if he really did that or they helped him. She told me, "No, that is his. I told him he is in pre-K now and he has to do work...no scribbles in my room anymore." I like this lady. She says it in a nice way with a smile, but she means business. I could have kissed her. I kissed Zach instead.
We got home to have the fan repair guy arrive within the hour... he happens to be the only cute maintenance guy on the whole base. I was happy he showed up since he also is one of the few to speak English...sorry, it is hard to ask for help when no one understands me. He fixed our fan and Erin's closet door that had an issue...all is well with that for this week...the house will implode next Thursday and the kids will be sick by the following weekend...that is how deployments work.
Then Brandon's new commander came by with his wife and two kids. He just took command about a week ago from the commander we have had for 2 years....He was a piece of trash in my opinion as a leader. Anyway...this man is very nice, sincere, and easy to talk to from my stand point. I didn't feel that air of attitude, but genuine interest in me and my children. His wife was great...spoke to me about my daily life to get an idea of our schedule, the kids personalities, etc. She knew about Zach and asked questions and offered information that was appropriate. She even offered to help if I ever had an issue getting someone to watch Erin for his therapy or school. It felt like she meant it. So...that was great. Their kids are young, so they get that aspect too. All in all it was nice they came by and offered help to us and reached out in a sincere way when I really needed to hear that...I am not too proud to ask for help now (I am wise enough now to know when I am in over my head)...so hopefully I will be able to turn to them if I am in need.
Then we had some time before the speech school open house in Boron...Erin was fussy and went back down for a nap...she slept late and we were rushed to get to the school. It was about 108-109 today...super hot outside with no breeze, no clouds, just heat! The school is small about a 30 minute drive from our house...so we got there only to wait while everyone was jammed in the cafeteria with no air...we hung out under a tree...HOT...a friend of mine whose son also has autism was there...she and her husband aren't super warm, so it is sometimes awkward to chat...should be easier since we live here and have things in common...our boys are in different classes and also at different levels right now...Zach has had marked improvement in a year and theirs seems to be having more issues pop up than go away. She did offer to hang out next Friday afternoon, so I will go...I refuse to say no...seems like if I do that here no one asks me again. :) She also mentioned that if I don't have plans for Thanksgiving they will be here and I can join them if I don't mind it being simple...I said sure...so we will see if I get any other offers...I am game!
Then we tried to go to dinner...it didn't go as well as we planned...it was busy and the kids were hot, tired and done...we rushed and left with a box...so not the best, but we tried.
I cleaned the back porch up today too and we moved the table into a better spot and set the umbrella up...hopefully the insane winds here don't knock it over...All in all a good day, busy and long...I am ready to watch some CNN coverage of the DNC that I missed....
I enjoyed watching Senator Biden last night and loved his speech. I like him a lot and wish he was the nominee to be honest. After working at a domestic violence shelter, he is a hero in our books for writing the violence against women act...He had some wonderful comments about his family, his thoughts on life and I loved his comments on power.
So...tomorrow I head to get my stitches out again...plan to read most of the rest of my book while there. :) No fun plans for the weekend...packing and spending time together...whatever it is.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wednesday already...at least things are getting done.
So more exciting speeches tonight from the DNC...it has been fun to watch and get my interest peeked in the election!
Brandon took Zach to speech tonight and he had a great night. He had a good morning at speech school too, so all in all a good Zach day. He was tired tonight at bed time, so I think the full week of daily school is catching up to him, but it works for me...I like tired kids at bed time. :)
Erin and I walked to the salvation army truck on base to drop off some items this AM while he was at school and Brandon was doing his finally out stuff for work...long walk, but nice! We stopped by the old neighborhood and again I just get so sad seeing it all abandoned and depressing. Houses of friends that have moved empty...just sad...so I might have to stop going to that park for a while.
Got some things done for Zach's school...finally I think progress is occurring. We have his IEP (individualized education plan) yearly meeting set for September 25th...I have a sitter set up and that should be to discuss his progress, adjustments, etc. Last year at the meeting I got his diagnosis....I was alone (had Erin in my arms) and again this year I will attend alone. It can't be as scary as that since he has a diagnosis already...so I am hopeful it will be a good meeting and we can make some changes if needed. I did learn that the OT (occupational therapist) at his school quit. Seriously...we have been asking for OT for a year now. So, I called the special education coordinator and spoke to her for over an hour today. He has an IEP for that particular issue on September 3rd...Brandon deploys that day, so I will not attend, but allow them to add that to his IEP and I will sign it. When they get the new person hired and on board, he will get that while at that school. Currently he gets speech therapy while there for about 20 minutes out of his hour and a half school time. I know it isn't much, but it is what we have to work with and I will take all I can get. I also got a call from his new caseworker for behavior. I think he has 4 or 5 caseworkers...insane. This man also wanted to meet on the 3rd, but I told him no...he will meet me on the 8th and talk about what to do with Zachary's possible behavioral therapy. We go in spells...some weeks he is an absolute angel...this week and last being one of those...and then we have weeks that just make me want to lock myself in my room. Mostly the big issue is we hear over and over that he has a hard time sitting still in class and is squirmy. I know that is a normal 4 year old thing, but also a normal autism thing...so we must have it assessed to see which one his is, or if it is something else entirely. Regardless I am glad to see that after a year of these therapies being requested we are making progress to getting them. He has an open house tomorrow at his speech school, so we are planning to go to that from 5-6 PM. There is a great Mexican restaurant there, so we can tie that into our night.
Tomorrow he has school in Palmdale...Brandon and I will go together to take him...then housing is coming to fix our fan in the bedroom...then apparently Brandon's new commander wants to come by and see us...I am not sure what to think of this, but I will try to stay positive and not judge. I am so used to be in a squadron that works differently...where we go to First Fridays, know the leadership and they know us. I would have already talked to them before since Brandon is deploying in a few days...So...I will see how it goes. All in all, a busy day ahead for sure...
Below a few random photos, just for fun!
Erin being silly and sweet...stealing my shirt I am trying to photograph for Ebay...stinker.
Zachary...home after speech...super tired and ready for bed, but still oh so cute.
Crazy Sally...Oh my silly dog...she makes me laugh and the kids love her...
And me...Photo by Zach...I look so tall! Gotta love that he can make me look tall in a photo...
Brandon took Zach to speech tonight and he had a great night. He had a good morning at speech school too, so all in all a good Zach day. He was tired tonight at bed time, so I think the full week of daily school is catching up to him, but it works for me...I like tired kids at bed time. :)
Erin and I walked to the salvation army truck on base to drop off some items this AM while he was at school and Brandon was doing his finally out stuff for work...long walk, but nice! We stopped by the old neighborhood and again I just get so sad seeing it all abandoned and depressing. Houses of friends that have moved empty...just sad...so I might have to stop going to that park for a while.
Got some things done for Zach's school...finally I think progress is occurring. We have his IEP (individualized education plan) yearly meeting set for September 25th...I have a sitter set up and that should be to discuss his progress, adjustments, etc. Last year at the meeting I got his diagnosis....I was alone (had Erin in my arms) and again this year I will attend alone. It can't be as scary as that since he has a diagnosis already...so I am hopeful it will be a good meeting and we can make some changes if needed. I did learn that the OT (occupational therapist) at his school quit. Seriously...we have been asking for OT for a year now. So, I called the special education coordinator and spoke to her for over an hour today. He has an IEP for that particular issue on September 3rd...Brandon deploys that day, so I will not attend, but allow them to add that to his IEP and I will sign it. When they get the new person hired and on board, he will get that while at that school. Currently he gets speech therapy while there for about 20 minutes out of his hour and a half school time. I know it isn't much, but it is what we have to work with and I will take all I can get. I also got a call from his new caseworker for behavior. I think he has 4 or 5 caseworkers...insane. This man also wanted to meet on the 3rd, but I told him no...he will meet me on the 8th and talk about what to do with Zachary's possible behavioral therapy. We go in spells...some weeks he is an absolute angel...this week and last being one of those...and then we have weeks that just make me want to lock myself in my room. Mostly the big issue is we hear over and over that he has a hard time sitting still in class and is squirmy. I know that is a normal 4 year old thing, but also a normal autism thing...so we must have it assessed to see which one his is, or if it is something else entirely. Regardless I am glad to see that after a year of these therapies being requested we are making progress to getting them. He has an open house tomorrow at his speech school, so we are planning to go to that from 5-6 PM. There is a great Mexican restaurant there, so we can tie that into our night.
Tomorrow he has school in Palmdale...Brandon and I will go together to take him...then housing is coming to fix our fan in the bedroom...then apparently Brandon's new commander wants to come by and see us...I am not sure what to think of this, but I will try to stay positive and not judge. I am so used to be in a squadron that works differently...where we go to First Fridays, know the leadership and they know us. I would have already talked to them before since Brandon is deploying in a few days...So...I will see how it goes. All in all, a busy day ahead for sure...
Below a few random photos, just for fun!
Erin being silly and sweet...stealing my shirt I am trying to photograph for Ebay...stinker.
Zachary...home after speech...super tired and ready for bed, but still oh so cute.
Crazy Sally...Oh my silly dog...she makes me laugh and the kids love her...
And me...Photo by Zach...I look so tall! Gotta love that he can make me look tall in a photo...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I had planned to talk about something else...
Okay I planned to talk about something else tonight...I was going to bitch and moan about the 2 hours I spent at my dermatologist only to have him tell me I had to come back on Friday to get my stitches out then...I read some of my new book, My Sister's Keeper and love it...was going to chat about some things from my day...but I am shifting gears...
Brandon flew tonight and wasn't home....I had planned to stick to my schedule and have the kids in bed on time, but got sidetracked watching the Democratic National Convention...I know my kids didn't love it, but I felt like I needed to watch...I am glad I did...
Okay...for all of my republican friends...I have a lot of you...please either open your mind and hearts to appreciate my opinion for what it is, mine...don't hold against me what I think and feel...it is politics! Or stop reading now and come back tomorrow...
I am not going to be politically correct for the sake of my readers...sorry, but I refuse to censor myself. I am not 100% a democrat or 100% a republican...in all fairness my ideals fall on both sides. I do tend more often than not to find myself on the democratic side of a lot of issues, not all. I will be upfront on that and debate that if you would like...I will also be clear on the fact that I like John McCain...I think he is great man, Senator, leader and American...I would have gladly voted for him 8 years ago if he had been the nominee and not Bush...I am a proud military wife and I support my husband, our troops that serve now at home and abroad. I also have a lot of personal experience in the social services world and have opinions from that...
I have been closely watching this election process. Like I said, I like McCain...I don't like Bush.I don't like the America we have after 8 years of Bush in office. No, it isn't gas prices, or the war...I don't like his policies on a lot of things and the way he has led our country. (keep in mind readers, my blog, my opinions)! I started watching the primaries and was so interested in seeing a black man and a woman doing so well. I will be honest...I really was blown away to see that diversity and amazing progress stand in front of us as presidential hopefuls... I won't lie, I like Hillary...I would have voted for her...I don't have any reservation saying that. I am sad that I won't get the chance to in November. Not just because she is a woman, but I like what she says and stands for and I could support her ideas. When she wasn't going to be the nominee I wasn't sure if I would jump to the Obama ship or wait and see....I waited and I have watched. I am not 100% sure yet what I will do, but I do want to see changes in this country and hope we can get them. I think we have failed in so many areas domestically and abroad...systems are broken and we aren't a stable and strong nation today that we should be.
I will say I was impressed by Hillary tonight and her speech...I still like her....I am not afraid to say it or own it. I think she proved she would have made a great president and is someone that can stand alone from her husband and be a leader our country needs right now. Her speech was great. I am enjoying watching this all unfold and see America in a place where we tonight...
Republican, Democrat, Independent...American! I just want to see a better America for my two children to grow up in...a place where the school systems are not so failed that more people on this base home school then send to the public school. Where services that are supposed to be paid for federally for my son to get therapies aren't available simply because they don't the money to support them...I want to see changes in immigration laws...I won't get on my soapbox on that one tonight...I want to see things in the world change, diplomacy needs to return! I am excited by the fact we have a real election on our hands and hopefully a change to our country in 4 more months...
Monday, August 25, 2008
Another Monday...
Today was pretty uneventful...Zach went off to school with a new van driver and no issues. He even told her that she was a good driver on the way home...she thought he was so cute. I did get an email report later from his teacher. She said he had a hard time today that they didn't do the letter A as planned...again, kids with his issue struggle with change, so I don't know why this is so hard for his special ed teacher to get...He apparently whined and even cried a bit, but wasn't awful...so to me that is progress. Whatever...I have taken a new approach...what he does at school is for them to start to address...I can't fix it once he is home and I am not there to help him deal with it. I do his homework and we talk about things, but otherwise I refuse to get upset about stuff I can't change or fix. Deep breath....
We played in the play pool out back while Erin napped and just had a lazy day...all in all good. We had dinner and a bike ride tonight and he had fun with that.
Tomorrow I get my stitches out in the morning while he is at school. That office is overbooked and super busy, so I will get nothing else done I am sure. Brandon has a flight tomorrow and will stay late to finish up work so he doesn't have to go back in the rest of the week.
Again I tried to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to friends...I know this deployment is going to be hard for me. It is unlike others before with the support of a squadron...no one else in my shoes to go through it with me. No one giving me information or offering assistance. But beyond that I am lonely here...lacking in friends to be honest. Last fall the lady that watched Zach for over 2 years moved...then we moved to a new neighborhood on base and with that our neighbors moved. Two families we were close to moved off base...A family we were really close to moved to Vegas this summer. My parents moved from AZ to NC in April...so I am feeling more alone now...I know I will be okay and can do this, it just would be easier with a better support network. I emailed two friends and basically said I know this will be hard so I would love to get together for play dates, even dinners if your husbands are TDY or will be home late some nights...anything. Here is Zach's school schedule and when we are free...didn't even mention poor Erin's naps...just hoping for offers to get together. One hasn't emailed back yet and the other spent a paragraph telling me how busy she is next month with her family in town, a trip to LA, then one to San Diego and her kids schedules down to nap times...but if I need them for an emergency don't hesitate to call. Thanks...I will be sure not to bother you if I am just in need of good ole adult conversation and oh what is that word....ah...frienship. Insert bad language here.
So...I refuse to get down and frustrated...I will stick to my schedule, try to do fun things when we can and take anyone up on any offer of fun, help, etc. I will look forward to my time in October with my parents...they don't know yet, but they might never make it off the base again once I get them here!!! :) I plan to enjoy every moment of their time and my time at Christmas. I refuse to let people get me down...My kids need me to get through this and I can do that for them and for me. I have people that love me and support me even from far away and I will let them help with love, support, phone calls, emails, whatever...
Okay...now that I have bitched and given myself a pep talk I am good...Off to watch my TV shows nicely recorded by me beloved DVR and head to bed...
We played in the play pool out back while Erin napped and just had a lazy day...all in all good. We had dinner and a bike ride tonight and he had fun with that.
Tomorrow I get my stitches out in the morning while he is at school. That office is overbooked and super busy, so I will get nothing else done I am sure. Brandon has a flight tomorrow and will stay late to finish up work so he doesn't have to go back in the rest of the week.
Again I tried to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to friends...I know this deployment is going to be hard for me. It is unlike others before with the support of a squadron...no one else in my shoes to go through it with me. No one giving me information or offering assistance. But beyond that I am lonely here...lacking in friends to be honest. Last fall the lady that watched Zach for over 2 years moved...then we moved to a new neighborhood on base and with that our neighbors moved. Two families we were close to moved off base...A family we were really close to moved to Vegas this summer. My parents moved from AZ to NC in April...so I am feeling more alone now...I know I will be okay and can do this, it just would be easier with a better support network. I emailed two friends and basically said I know this will be hard so I would love to get together for play dates, even dinners if your husbands are TDY or will be home late some nights...anything. Here is Zach's school schedule and when we are free...didn't even mention poor Erin's naps...just hoping for offers to get together. One hasn't emailed back yet and the other spent a paragraph telling me how busy she is next month with her family in town, a trip to LA, then one to San Diego and her kids schedules down to nap times...but if I need them for an emergency don't hesitate to call. Thanks...I will be sure not to bother you if I am just in need of good ole adult conversation and oh what is that word....ah...frienship. Insert bad language here.
So...I refuse to get down and frustrated...I will stick to my schedule, try to do fun things when we can and take anyone up on any offer of fun, help, etc. I will look forward to my time in October with my parents...they don't know yet, but they might never make it off the base again once I get them here!!! :) I plan to enjoy every moment of their time and my time at Christmas. I refuse to let people get me down...My kids need me to get through this and I can do that for them and for me. I have people that love me and support me even from far away and I will let them help with love, support, phone calls, emails, whatever...
Okay...now that I have bitched and given myself a pep talk I am good...Off to watch my TV shows nicely recorded by me beloved DVR and head to bed...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
fun photos...sweet moments
Just wanted to add some fun photos and sweet moments from the weekend. Time is passing way too quickly right now and I am capturing as much as I can. We had a nice weekend...Saturday Zach and Brandon went to the pool for several hours and Erin stayed home with me and napped while I did some things around the house. Today I got to take Zach while Brandon stayed home and got things done during Erin's nap time. It was nice to break up the time for us with him and also take the time to get things done around the house. Brandon got the spot light in the back yard up...we had it in the other house and it is so nice to have when it starts to get dark early here...the kids can still access the yard and play outside even after dark...without a local neighborhood park now, this is a big bonus for all of us. He also serviced the Civic at home, changed oil, fluids, inflated tires, etc. So nice to be married to someone so darn handy. This is why I get nervous when he leaves...he can fix almost anything and usually does. Literally around here if something breaks Zach turns to me and says, "Oh no it is broken....daddy will fix it." We clean out the garage a bit and have some items to give away, get rid of and get to the thrift store. The kids and I watched the Sesame Street DVD about deployments...trying to get the point to Zach. He watched it a few times and wanted a calender...the kids on there used one to cross of the days until daddy comes home...so we went and let him pick out a calender tonight in town. He seemed excited about it, so we will go with it. Got the webcam to work! Little by little things are coming together. I won't lie, I am sad and scared...but I can do this. Some days are going to be easier than others and some days I will want to crawl right back into bed...but I can do this. I am not aiming for perfection, just day by day. I have some goals while he is gone that I will try to work toward...a stack of books to read too! Before we know it January will be here!
So...the last week begins tomorrow and we are getting prepared as we can...and enjoying all we can...
Here are the photos...Erin in the tub last night...all smiles my little ham.
Yes, she really is this happy about 98% of the time...
My handsome boy...
Giving her brother love taps...
After dinner bike ride...he will be getting a new bike over the holidays since he is getting so tall!
Off he goes...
The boys...
The girls...(my house is the one directly behind me head in the background)...I kid you all not when I tell you we have no grass...enviroscape they call this...sandbox is what I call it...
Cuddle time with daddy...precious moments...
So...the last week begins tomorrow and we are getting prepared as we can...and enjoying all we can...
Here are the photos...Erin in the tub last night...all smiles my little ham.
Yes, she really is this happy about 98% of the time...
My handsome boy...
Giving her brother love taps...
After dinner bike ride...he will be getting a new bike over the holidays since he is getting so tall!
Off he goes...
The boys...
The girls...(my house is the one directly behind me head in the background)...I kid you all not when I tell you we have no grass...enviroscape they call this...sandbox is what I call it...
Cuddle time with daddy...precious moments...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hidden Treasure...
Well I meant to post last night, but ended up reading and watching the Olympics...it was nice to just unwind a bit. Yesterday I went for a long walk while Zach was at school...went with Erin and the Erin that watches her. She got a part time job offer yesterday and took it...I am hoping it doesn't grow to conflict with her time with us and most of all that in a pinch I can still ask her for help with things here. Little things like getting my hair cut will be difficult now...my hair dresser is no longer working Tuesday and Thursdays (the days I am in town with Zach and not Erin) and not working Saturdays...seriously! Just little things like that will take some juggling and adjustments...
Got his IEP scheduled for September 25th...they scheduled it for me at 7:30 AM on the 18th, so after several emails and a threat to call the principle...I got a time that works for me...hopefully they will make some good changes and we can get his Occupational Therapy included.
Last night we went for a trip to the park after dinner...yummy dinner!! Had fun playing and of course I forgot my camera...next time...then we headed off to the BX to get ice cream and look for an extension cord for the backyard light Brandon will be putting up this weekend. We all enjoyed ice cream, except for Zach of course...he doesn't like it...oh Zach. So we wandered the BX and got a few items we needed and of course ones I didn't. I said we should check outside in the garden section for any plants or sale stuff...as always the plants are on deaths doorstep...walking in we stopped to reprimand Zach for something. Brandon looked over and squealed..."It's Boo Boo Bear". Boo Boo was sitting right there on a display dinning room table. Just laying there...probably where my daughter flung it well over a week ago...seriously people! I have called that place, been up there three times...searched the store...I am actually happy for Zach's misbehavior for once, it lead us to Boo Boo!!! He is now being washed for the 3rd time in the washer! Erin was so excited to see him too...so sweet!
Today I am off to the commissary...yuck! Then hopefully some pool time and just good ole family time together. September 3rd is fast approaching...lots to do...
Here are some cute photos of Erin from the other night...I brought out an old baby stroller we had when Zach was tiny...she loaded her baby doll in it and cruised the house forever with it...laughing all the way!
Got his IEP scheduled for September 25th...they scheduled it for me at 7:30 AM on the 18th, so after several emails and a threat to call the principle...I got a time that works for me...hopefully they will make some good changes and we can get his Occupational Therapy included.
Last night we went for a trip to the park after dinner...yummy dinner!! Had fun playing and of course I forgot my camera...next time...then we headed off to the BX to get ice cream and look for an extension cord for the backyard light Brandon will be putting up this weekend. We all enjoyed ice cream, except for Zach of course...he doesn't like it...oh Zach. So we wandered the BX and got a few items we needed and of course ones I didn't. I said we should check outside in the garden section for any plants or sale stuff...as always the plants are on deaths doorstep...walking in we stopped to reprimand Zach for something. Brandon looked over and squealed..."It's Boo Boo Bear". Boo Boo was sitting right there on a display dinning room table. Just laying there...probably where my daughter flung it well over a week ago...seriously people! I have called that place, been up there three times...searched the store...I am actually happy for Zach's misbehavior for once, it lead us to Boo Boo!!! He is now being washed for the 3rd time in the washer! Erin was so excited to see him too...so sweet!
Today I am off to the commissary...yuck! Then hopefully some pool time and just good ole family time together. September 3rd is fast approaching...lots to do...
Here are some cute photos of Erin from the other night...I brought out an old baby stroller we had when Zach was tiny...she loaded her baby doll in it and cruised the house forever with it...laughing all the way!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Making progress...
I feel so boring this week...nothing too exciting to post about...I took some cute photos of Erin tonight, but didn't have time to upload them yet. Will do that tomorrow for sure.
I took Zach to school today and stuck to my plan to go do a long walk at the park...yeah! The weather was beautiful. That part of Palmdale is actually semi pretty, so it was a nice walk and the sky was just breathtaking blue...love those days. Not too much wind, but enough to make it nice. I did 3 miles and felt great. I was a bit bummed that last night my IPod went on strike...it had to be reloaded...okay to be fair I rarely use the thing, but it still made me mad today that my standard play list I like to walk to was no more. So, I just walked my butt off to my Dave Mathews albums on there and that was fine.
Side note...so sad to learn of the death of their saxophone player Tuesday...he was one of the original band members...for anyone that does not know...I LOVE Dave Mathews. I am a huge fan...been to over 5 concerts I think...just love him and the band...very sad news!
So, I will need to get my IPod back on track...I am not a technological person, my husband is. I forget to charge my cell phone...thank God for car chargers so I can charge it on the way to town. I love my email, facebook, ebay, etc...but that doesn't mean I am super into gadgets...Just figured out a few websites. :)
Brandon took Zach bowling tonight on base...he loves to go bowling (throwing marbles). Good daddy time too. No matter how much I am trying to approach the subject of Brandon leaving, I feel like I am getting no where with him. In the end I think he will have to just have it happen to get it and I hate that for him. It is going to be so hard for him to understand and I just hate that he and Erin have to be without Brandon...I am an adult. It sucks for me and I will miss him, but I understand this is his job and will cope as best I can. They will just miss their dad!
Got a few books I ordered online today...yeah! More things to keep me occupied at night and on down time.
Got information about things on base too...Plan to try taking Zach to gymnastics on base on M/W from 2-2:50. There isn't anything offered for Erin (that is who I had hoped to get into it), but they have something for his age group and honestly he is not super coordinated, so I am hoping this will help. Found out the pool is open some good hours starting after labor day and we can take part in going there...hoping I can convince some of my girlfriends without kids to assist me on a few occasions. :) All in all I am making progress with some things.
Found out that Zach will qualify for a casework from the county (Kern County). He will be given a case worker out of Tehachapi...area about 45 minutes north of us. That person should then help us set up behavioral therapy. Finally some progress...should hear from that in about 3 weeks. Also copied the Rules and Regulations for CA laws for kids with disabilities...plan to be prepared for his IEP meeting next month...and placing that big book on the table next to me will show them I mean business...
Brandon has a lot on his to do list before he leaves...I better go and get some of my things done too...Photos tomorrow I promise.
I took Zach to school today and stuck to my plan to go do a long walk at the park...yeah! The weather was beautiful. That part of Palmdale is actually semi pretty, so it was a nice walk and the sky was just breathtaking blue...love those days. Not too much wind, but enough to make it nice. I did 3 miles and felt great. I was a bit bummed that last night my IPod went on strike...it had to be reloaded...okay to be fair I rarely use the thing, but it still made me mad today that my standard play list I like to walk to was no more. So, I just walked my butt off to my Dave Mathews albums on there and that was fine.
Side note...so sad to learn of the death of their saxophone player Tuesday...he was one of the original band members...for anyone that does not know...I LOVE Dave Mathews. I am a huge fan...been to over 5 concerts I think...just love him and the band...very sad news!
So, I will need to get my IPod back on track...I am not a technological person, my husband is. I forget to charge my cell phone...thank God for car chargers so I can charge it on the way to town. I love my email, facebook, ebay, etc...but that doesn't mean I am super into gadgets...Just figured out a few websites. :)
Brandon took Zach bowling tonight on base...he loves to go bowling (throwing marbles). Good daddy time too. No matter how much I am trying to approach the subject of Brandon leaving, I feel like I am getting no where with him. In the end I think he will have to just have it happen to get it and I hate that for him. It is going to be so hard for him to understand and I just hate that he and Erin have to be without Brandon...I am an adult. It sucks for me and I will miss him, but I understand this is his job and will cope as best I can. They will just miss their dad!
Got a few books I ordered online today...yeah! More things to keep me occupied at night and on down time.
Got information about things on base too...Plan to try taking Zach to gymnastics on base on M/W from 2-2:50. There isn't anything offered for Erin (that is who I had hoped to get into it), but they have something for his age group and honestly he is not super coordinated, so I am hoping this will help. Found out the pool is open some good hours starting after labor day and we can take part in going there...hoping I can convince some of my girlfriends without kids to assist me on a few occasions. :) All in all I am making progress with some things.
Found out that Zach will qualify for a casework from the county (Kern County). He will be given a case worker out of Tehachapi...area about 45 minutes north of us. That person should then help us set up behavioral therapy. Finally some progress...should hear from that in about 3 weeks. Also copied the Rules and Regulations for CA laws for kids with disabilities...plan to be prepared for his IEP meeting next month...and placing that big book on the table next to me will show them I mean business...
Brandon has a lot on his to do list before he leaves...I better go and get some of my things done too...Photos tomorrow I promise.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Another day...
My head is feeling much better tonight...I took a shower in the late afternoon and got a chance after to clean it well with some peroxide...it looks and feels a lot better now than it did last night at this time. Another good day of school for Zach and a good report from his teacher. He had a good night at speech too...all in all his day went well. I let him nap before speech because he seemed tired and a bit out of it, but the payback is that he wasn't as tired for bed. So, back to no napping we go unless he falls over. :) It is so hard on speech nights since I want him to be bright eyed for Miss Gerri, but then I pay for it when he doesn't get enough sleep for preschool tomorrow. Always making adjustments. I plan to go the local park while in town tomorrow and do some walking...my IPod is all charged and ready to go...I am excited! I miss walking Sally every day...that doesn't seem to happen much now, or at least not the long walks I am used to with her...just quick ones around the block to get the mail. So, this will be nice for me. Got some good info today with all my phone calls about the things that will open and available once summer ends here. I am hoping I can tackle most on my own, but if not that I can recruit help with the kids.
Shared some photos from last night and today of Erin playing in the backyard...She is really starting to enjoy some of the fun stuff we have...She loves the playhouse! Off to read and bed...always long days when I am in town in the mornings....
Erin at the playhouse...
Love this one...just like grandpa, checking her mail!
Posing for me...she is so sweet!
Playing in the water table...full access without Zach around.
Trying to go up the slide like her brother does. :)
Like my dead grass!!! I am so done with the housing people on this issue!!!
Shared some photos from last night and today of Erin playing in the backyard...She is really starting to enjoy some of the fun stuff we have...She loves the playhouse! Off to read and bed...always long days when I am in town in the mornings....
Erin at the playhouse...
Love this one...just like grandpa, checking her mail!
Posing for me...she is so sweet!
Playing in the water table...full access without Zach around.
Trying to go up the slide like her brother does. :)
Like my dead grass!!! I am so done with the housing people on this issue!!! Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Bumps be Gone...
Well I had both my cysts removed today...both were about marble size and required a few stitches in each. I will be going back next week to have those removed. It was actually a bit more painful than I had expected and still hurts tonight more than I had thought it would. But, they are out and hopefully in the end that will be a good change. I have had one of them forever...the other has grown and gotten painful over the past few years...so it was time. So, my bumps are gone!
Zach had a good day in school, got a good report from his teacher that he did well and was a good listener. Yeah.
Brandon and I spent the AM together after we dropped him off...we went to Super Walmart and stocked up on items to send him to his deployment....snacks, on the go drink mixes so he can add to his water...got a new web cam from his laptop...I realized I don't need one...my mac has its own built in...whoo hoo! Hopefully we can practice using that this week and get it down so we can use that when he is gone...that will help both the kids a lot to be able to see and hear him. It was nice to have some time together to get a few things...he went back to get Zach while I was getting scalped....then we headed home...
We are hopeful that things with the behavioral therapy we have been requesting will come together soon...sounds like he will be given a case worker through the county...spoke to the lady in Bakersfield today and she said we should he definitive news in a few weeks. Finally. I also got the name of someone about piano lessons. We are thinking about trying that with him. He has an insanely good memory and loves music. He was looking at sheet music the other night and telling us, "That is a whole note, that is a crescendo, that is a quarter note." It was crazy, he was right. We are also hoping to get the kids into swimming stuff even after the pools clothes, hoping the indoor pool will be accessible to us. I want to do gymnastics with Erin, but there are no times when they offer it on base that I can take her alone...I will work on that one and see if I can get help to watch Zach...it is a simple mom and me class, so nothing big...Just stuff to keep us all busy out here while Brandon is gone. The lack of friends to do things with is really what concerns me the most...I just want to keep us busy and hope that helps the time fly by faster.
Okay...I am off to soak in the tub for a bit and to bed!
Zach had a good day in school, got a good report from his teacher that he did well and was a good listener. Yeah.
Brandon and I spent the AM together after we dropped him off...we went to Super Walmart and stocked up on items to send him to his deployment....snacks, on the go drink mixes so he can add to his water...got a new web cam from his laptop...I realized I don't need one...my mac has its own built in...whoo hoo! Hopefully we can practice using that this week and get it down so we can use that when he is gone...that will help both the kids a lot to be able to see and hear him. It was nice to have some time together to get a few things...he went back to get Zach while I was getting scalped....then we headed home...
We are hopeful that things with the behavioral therapy we have been requesting will come together soon...sounds like he will be given a case worker through the county...spoke to the lady in Bakersfield today and she said we should he definitive news in a few weeks. Finally. I also got the name of someone about piano lessons. We are thinking about trying that with him. He has an insanely good memory and loves music. He was looking at sheet music the other night and telling us, "That is a whole note, that is a crescendo, that is a quarter note." It was crazy, he was right. We are also hoping to get the kids into swimming stuff even after the pools clothes, hoping the indoor pool will be accessible to us. I want to do gymnastics with Erin, but there are no times when they offer it on base that I can take her alone...I will work on that one and see if I can get help to watch Zach...it is a simple mom and me class, so nothing big...Just stuff to keep us all busy out here while Brandon is gone. The lack of friends to do things with is really what concerns me the most...I just want to keep us busy and hope that helps the time fly by faster.
Okay...I am off to soak in the tub for a bit and to bed!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Random thoughts...
Today was a good day...love those! Zach did really well heading off to school this AM. He noticed right away it was not white van 41 that picked him up...he said, "Uh oh, it's not van 41, it is a 42." So observant. He got right in, said hi to the other child and was all smiles. He came home all smiles too...thankfully! He was able to tell me several things about his day. He got a good report from the teacher in her afternoon email to me and it was great to know it started off well for him. I hope that it continues...
Erin and I took a long walk to the post office to mail my ebay stuff...it was a nice walk for me and hopefully something we can do often. I will admit I miss the days of my long walks with Sally just to think and unwind.
We went to the pool tonight briefly when Brandon got home. I stuck to my schedule and fed the kids at 5 and he got home at 5:30...we then loaded up and went to the pool...they close at 7. We stayed about an hour and got home for baths and bed. He is so tired now at the end of the day from waking up so early and being on the go all day with no nap.
Sally is continuing to make me happy with her no barking...I love her bark collar!
I never blogged that I did get my Mac...I am still not super comfortable on it, but using it and enjoying it a lot.
All in all it was just a good day...no issues or problems...it was fun. I am always thankful for these! Tomorrow I am off to the dermatologist to have my cysts removed from my head...sounds worse than it is...Brandon and I will take Zach to school and then go shop for a bit before my appointment...then get Zach and be on our way...wish me luck!
Erin and I took a long walk to the post office to mail my ebay stuff...it was a nice walk for me and hopefully something we can do often. I will admit I miss the days of my long walks with Sally just to think and unwind.
We went to the pool tonight briefly when Brandon got home. I stuck to my schedule and fed the kids at 5 and he got home at 5:30...we then loaded up and went to the pool...they close at 7. We stayed about an hour and got home for baths and bed. He is so tired now at the end of the day from waking up so early and being on the go all day with no nap.
Sally is continuing to make me happy with her no barking...I love her bark collar!
I never blogged that I did get my Mac...I am still not super comfortable on it, but using it and enjoying it a lot.
All in all it was just a good day...no issues or problems...it was fun. I am always thankful for these! Tomorrow I am off to the dermatologist to have my cysts removed from my head...sounds worse than it is...Brandon and I will take Zach to school and then go shop for a bit before my appointment...then get Zach and be on our way...wish me luck!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Good Weekend...
This was a good weekend...too fast, but good!
Saturday day we hung out in the morning and had a yummy breakfast. We went to the BX so the boys could get their haircuts and then did some shopping at the commissary. Nice to have the company and get it done together. Then back to the house to get Erin a nap and the boys headed to the pool . Erin and I met them up there after she got up. We got a fun surprise to have Erin who watches my Erin up there with her husband and Rozlyn and Erik...they were coming to watch the kids later. So we stayed and played and had fun. Zach spent most of the time with Roz or Erik and had a blast. He has known them since we moved here, he was Erin's age at the time. He adores them! It was fun and we promised him to go back since he had so much fun and was actually in the big pool and trying to swim with the life vest...no slide again! But, he didn't care this time.
Later we went on our date. The night together was nice, but the date didn't pan out as planned. The restaurant we went to was new, so we of course got all the kinks that later maybe they will fix...poor service, food not as expected, no liquor license...lots of issues...ended up actually getting the meal for free...long story...headed to our favorite sushi place and ate that. Then got Sally a bark collar at the pet store...I am so happy today...the sound of silence! Then off to the movies...saw Tropic Thunder and have to say, it was funny. Kids did great and we had a nice night...
Today we had breakfast and back to the pool at 11 when they opened. Zach got right in his life jacket and then was a water bug all day. He was jumping off the side to me most of the day and then we would swim around. At one point he told me he wanted to do it all by himself and for me not to hold his jacket...from that moment on, I never had a hand on him except when I caught him...he was awesome. Erin faded around 12:30 and went home with Brandon. I got to stay until 3 with Zach. We had a blast together alone and just both love the water and pool...it was so much fun to get to stay and play. I am usually not the parent that gets to do that fun stuff with him so it was a treat.
Tomorrow he is off to his "green speech school" in Boron. I got an email from the teacher tonight and she commented that she hoped he did well with the time change...what? Turns out he got moved to the early class and no one told us...so he will be going from 8:50-10:20 and the van should be hear around 8...I am glad she told me or else we wouldn't have been ready until 9:30. This will work out well for us though since that is the time we leave for his school in Palmdale on T/TH...so our days will all be the same as far as time to get up and get to bed...yeah! Hopefully he will have a good day and all will go well.
So here are some photos from the weekend...
Getting ready to jump in...
Big jump...
Letting go of Dad and swimming back on his own....
My little man....
Climbing out on his own...
Us before our big date night...
Erin and I before we went to the pool this AM...
Big hugs!
Big Smiles...
So proud of himself...
Saturday day we hung out in the morning and had a yummy breakfast. We went to the BX so the boys could get their haircuts and then did some shopping at the commissary. Nice to have the company and get it done together. Then back to the house to get Erin a nap and the boys headed to the pool . Erin and I met them up there after she got up. We got a fun surprise to have Erin who watches my Erin up there with her husband and Rozlyn and Erik...they were coming to watch the kids later. So we stayed and played and had fun. Zach spent most of the time with Roz or Erik and had a blast. He has known them since we moved here, he was Erin's age at the time. He adores them! It was fun and we promised him to go back since he had so much fun and was actually in the big pool and trying to swim with the life vest...no slide again! But, he didn't care this time.
Later we went on our date. The night together was nice, but the date didn't pan out as planned. The restaurant we went to was new, so we of course got all the kinks that later maybe they will fix...poor service, food not as expected, no liquor license...lots of issues...ended up actually getting the meal for free...long story...headed to our favorite sushi place and ate that. Then got Sally a bark collar at the pet store...I am so happy today...the sound of silence! Then off to the movies...saw Tropic Thunder and have to say, it was funny. Kids did great and we had a nice night...
Today we had breakfast and back to the pool at 11 when they opened. Zach got right in his life jacket and then was a water bug all day. He was jumping off the side to me most of the day and then we would swim around. At one point he told me he wanted to do it all by himself and for me not to hold his jacket...from that moment on, I never had a hand on him except when I caught him...he was awesome. Erin faded around 12:30 and went home with Brandon. I got to stay until 3 with Zach. We had a blast together alone and just both love the water and pool...it was so much fun to get to stay and play. I am usually not the parent that gets to do that fun stuff with him so it was a treat.
Tomorrow he is off to his "green speech school" in Boron. I got an email from the teacher tonight and she commented that she hoped he did well with the time change...what? Turns out he got moved to the early class and no one told us...so he will be going from 8:50-10:20 and the van should be hear around 8...I am glad she told me or else we wouldn't have been ready until 9:30. This will work out well for us though since that is the time we leave for his school in Palmdale on T/TH...so our days will all be the same as far as time to get up and get to bed...yeah! Hopefully he will have a good day and all will go well.
So here are some photos from the weekend...
Getting ready to jump in...
Big jump...
Letting go of Dad and swimming back on his own....
My little man....
Climbing out on his own...
Us before our big date night...
Erin and I before we went to the pool this AM...
Big hugs!
Big Smiles...
So proud of himself...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Serendipity...
I spend a lot of time on my blog chatting about things in my life, the kids and sometimes even ranting on my soap box...tonight I decided to devote some time to someone that means a lot to me, but I don't talk about enough...Brandon.
He is leaving soon...September 3rd. I feel so unprepared even though it feels like we have known for an eternity. So much about this deployment is harder for me than the past. Unlike in previous squadrons this deployment is totally different. Brandon will be heading to an AF base in the middle east, so relatively safe. He will not be going with a squadron, just himself. He is going to fill a job basically. The AF has AEF cycles...during that cylce you can be picked to fill a job for the AF...his name was in the bucket and he got picked. It doesn't have to be a job you are trained to do, just a job that needs to be done. Because the squadron here is a test unit, they don't deploy...that isn't their job. So he will go there to do a totally unrelated job, no flying...not a ton of fun for him. There is no support network here for me since no one else's husband is leaving too. It is just so different that how we have gone through it before. It feels scarier and a lot lonelier. But, we are strong and will get through it day by day. I worry about the kids. Zach is old enough to be aware, asks a lot of questions and will miss his dad terribly. Erin adores her dad and will just be sad not to have her person here. I will miss most watching him with the kids. Just to see their faces light up when he walks in the door at night, hear their laughter when they play and know they have him here to make life brighter and more fun.
Brandon and I are not perfect...not together or separately. I wish I could gush on and on about our amazing love story, but that isn't me. As Renee would say, "You aren't a gusher". Brandon and I met on a fluke. I was talked into going on a blind date to an ROTC function by my friend Joe...went and didn't have a good time (understatement). At the end of the night met a nice guy who asked who I came with...told him a guy whose name was a car (Ferrari) and I was having an awful time...needless to say that as his friend and roommate. Foot in mouth. We talked later that night and hit it off well. He said he would call, but never got my number. Days later he did call and asked me out. On our first date he brought a photo of me he had taken at Joe's Halloween party. We later discussed the number of times through college we had crossed paths and never really met...serendipity. When we did meet in November of 1998 it was the right time for us and it stuck. We dated a short time and were engaged in August of 1999...he gave me a great proposal that was a huge surprise...I love surprises! We were married in January 2000 in Vegas and again in March of 2000 in front of friends and family. We have never had honeymoon...we didn't even have a honeymoon period. We have had our ups and downs and several bumps in the road. We fight....we get upset with each other...we don't always see eye to eye...we push each other's buttons and often don't act as mature as we should. However...beneath it all we love each other.
Brandon is a very different person from me on a lot of levels...how we grew up and where we came from and the way we go about life. But we somehow met, connected and got each other. Brandon has always made me feel safe. I know I can count on him and he will always be there for me. He is my best friend. He is smart. He is loyal. He is kind. He is generous. He is funny. He is a genuinely good person. He is determined and motivated and a hard worker. He makes me laugh. He is a great dad. He has given me two amazing children and a life that I am glad to share with him.
I will miss him. I will miss telling him about my day and what the kids did. Sharing moments in our home as a family...having his love and support up close and there. I will miss his hugs and his smile. I will miss sharing jokes and laughs with him. I will even miss some of the super annoying things he does. I will miss him a lot...
No we aren't perfect, our love isn't perfect, our relationship isn't perfect and our life isn't...but I don't do perfect. I am glad we have had struggles and moments that were hard so we can appreciate the ones that are great. I don't say it enough or brag about him enough and I should do that more...I love you Brandon.
This is a picture taken of us in Tucson two years ago...I love this photo because we had a great time on that trip together and we are there in the place we met and fell in love...just a great memory...
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
He is leaving soon...September 3rd. I feel so unprepared even though it feels like we have known for an eternity. So much about this deployment is harder for me than the past. Unlike in previous squadrons this deployment is totally different. Brandon will be heading to an AF base in the middle east, so relatively safe. He will not be going with a squadron, just himself. He is going to fill a job basically. The AF has AEF cycles...during that cylce you can be picked to fill a job for the AF...his name was in the bucket and he got picked. It doesn't have to be a job you are trained to do, just a job that needs to be done. Because the squadron here is a test unit, they don't deploy...that isn't their job. So he will go there to do a totally unrelated job, no flying...not a ton of fun for him. There is no support network here for me since no one else's husband is leaving too. It is just so different that how we have gone through it before. It feels scarier and a lot lonelier. But, we are strong and will get through it day by day. I worry about the kids. Zach is old enough to be aware, asks a lot of questions and will miss his dad terribly. Erin adores her dad and will just be sad not to have her person here. I will miss most watching him with the kids. Just to see their faces light up when he walks in the door at night, hear their laughter when they play and know they have him here to make life brighter and more fun.
Brandon and I are not perfect...not together or separately. I wish I could gush on and on about our amazing love story, but that isn't me. As Renee would say, "You aren't a gusher". Brandon and I met on a fluke. I was talked into going on a blind date to an ROTC function by my friend Joe...went and didn't have a good time (understatement). At the end of the night met a nice guy who asked who I came with...told him a guy whose name was a car (Ferrari) and I was having an awful time...needless to say that as his friend and roommate. Foot in mouth. We talked later that night and hit it off well. He said he would call, but never got my number. Days later he did call and asked me out. On our first date he brought a photo of me he had taken at Joe's Halloween party. We later discussed the number of times through college we had crossed paths and never really met...serendipity. When we did meet in November of 1998 it was the right time for us and it stuck. We dated a short time and were engaged in August of 1999...he gave me a great proposal that was a huge surprise...I love surprises! We were married in January 2000 in Vegas and again in March of 2000 in front of friends and family. We have never had honeymoon...we didn't even have a honeymoon period. We have had our ups and downs and several bumps in the road. We fight....we get upset with each other...we don't always see eye to eye...we push each other's buttons and often don't act as mature as we should. However...beneath it all we love each other.
Brandon is a very different person from me on a lot of levels...how we grew up and where we came from and the way we go about life. But we somehow met, connected and got each other. Brandon has always made me feel safe. I know I can count on him and he will always be there for me. He is my best friend. He is smart. He is loyal. He is kind. He is generous. He is funny. He is a genuinely good person. He is determined and motivated and a hard worker. He makes me laugh. He is a great dad. He has given me two amazing children and a life that I am glad to share with him.
I will miss him. I will miss telling him about my day and what the kids did. Sharing moments in our home as a family...having his love and support up close and there. I will miss his hugs and his smile. I will miss sharing jokes and laughs with him. I will even miss some of the super annoying things he does. I will miss him a lot...
No we aren't perfect, our love isn't perfect, our relationship isn't perfect and our life isn't...but I don't do perfect. I am glad we have had struggles and moments that were hard so we can appreciate the ones that are great. I don't say it enough or brag about him enough and I should do that more...I love you Brandon.
This is a picture taken of us in Tucson two years ago...I love this photo because we had a great time on that trip together and we are there in the place we met and fell in love...just a great memory...
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Just because...
Just thought I'd throw on some photos for the night...nothing too exciting to share...I am heading back to my hair dresser tomorrow...she seemed to have missed a section of my hair and it isn't layered like the rest and driving me bananas. Erin is coming to watch the kids so I can run to town...
Brandon and I are going out Saturday for our date...think we will try the new Japanese steak house in Palmdale that just opened. Always a fan favorite. Any movie ideas? We haven't been to the movies for a date since...well we went to see Juno over the holidays while my parents watched the kids, but before that it was Fever Pitch when we lived in Abilene...so sad I tell you! Send ideas my way!
Finished my book this AM while in town...Resistance by Anita Shreve...liked it a lot...good read.
Kids are both doing well and all of us sticking well to my Super Nanny schedule. :) I am loving having it in plain sight for Zach...I think it will be a big help for me in the coming weeks. Plus getting him to bed by 8 is awesome...mommy has mommy time. I need that.
Sprinkler guys coming tomorrow AGAIN! Our stupid housing is on sections for the watering...so 4 houses get watered on a zone that we don't control. Well we have had issues from day one...we have a small patch of crappy grass and it is about 75% dead...4th time they have come out to look at it...I am pretty irritated and will try tomorrow to convince them to re sod it...my dog and kids have so little play area as it is, to have it dead isn't okay.
So here are some random photos for you to enjoy...
Zach and Erin yesterday watching Sesame Street...Erin just woke up, so she is a bit dazed...
Playing on the trusty train table...both kids have loved this more than any other toy...Erin plays with it all the time!
Pebbles pony tail...so funny!
Brandon and I are going out Saturday for our date...think we will try the new Japanese steak house in Palmdale that just opened. Always a fan favorite. Any movie ideas? We haven't been to the movies for a date since...well we went to see Juno over the holidays while my parents watched the kids, but before that it was Fever Pitch when we lived in Abilene...so sad I tell you! Send ideas my way!
Finished my book this AM while in town...Resistance by Anita Shreve...liked it a lot...good read.
Kids are both doing well and all of us sticking well to my Super Nanny schedule. :) I am loving having it in plain sight for Zach...I think it will be a big help for me in the coming weeks. Plus getting him to bed by 8 is awesome...mommy has mommy time. I need that.
Sprinkler guys coming tomorrow AGAIN! Our stupid housing is on sections for the watering...so 4 houses get watered on a zone that we don't control. Well we have had issues from day one...we have a small patch of crappy grass and it is about 75% dead...4th time they have come out to look at it...I am pretty irritated and will try tomorrow to convince them to re sod it...my dog and kids have so little play area as it is, to have it dead isn't okay.
So here are some random photos for you to enjoy...
Zach and Erin yesterday watching Sesame Street...Erin just woke up, so she is a bit dazed...
Playing on the trusty train table...both kids have loved this more than any other toy...Erin plays with it all the time!
Pebbles pony tail...so funny!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Just my thoughts...
Okay...after back and forth on the topic for two days we have decided not to return to SD this weekend and go on a date. Several factors. Not often do we get dates. Reality, we usually only get them when my mom and dad are around and nice enough to offer. Zach loves the couple that have offered to watch the kids, so we feel like he will have a good night too. This is a young couple we have known since we moved here and they are great to me...always there in any time of need! She is a nurse and he is a big kid...safe and fun! So dinner and a movie I think for us. I would go to San Diego a million times if we could...I would move there. Reality is that we have a lot going on and stuff we need to do. Brandon has a lot of packing and some household things we need to work on and being gone just seems to procrastinate that. Zach starts back at his speech school Monday, so I want him not over tired for that. Also...he still doesn't get some things easily...he is going to just think we do this on the weekends and expect it...so I don't want to start a routine we can't continue. We can always run to a beach next weekend if I am in dire need to see it one last time. :) So...dinner and a date...
I have been watching the Olympics at night when the kids go down...always love to watch them! I actually have a "friend" running in the women's marathon...I have known her since elementary school...used to carpool with them and she was only two years ahead of me in school...Best of luck to her...Go Blake!
Gotta say I am a bit baffled about people's shock to the issues with Russia right now. Listening to the news I just don't get it...do we teach history in school anymore. Did anyone hear of Ivan the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Stalin? (I know my dad is reading this and waiting for me to say something wrong). All I am saying is the cold war didn't end that long ago...it isn't a shock to me that a country that was so completely consumed with power and conquer wouldn't have that still in their makeup...I think we as a society should take a long look at the world right now and the powers that are rising up...history does repeat itself...we need to learn from it eventually.
Okay...I am off to work on our things to do list...I know I have a lot I want or need help with, but I will forget if I don't ask...and bed...so tired...stayed up too late watching the Olympics!
I have been watching the Olympics at night when the kids go down...always love to watch them! I actually have a "friend" running in the women's marathon...I have known her since elementary school...used to carpool with them and she was only two years ahead of me in school...Best of luck to her...Go Blake!
Gotta say I am a bit baffled about people's shock to the issues with Russia right now. Listening to the news I just don't get it...do we teach history in school anymore. Did anyone hear of Ivan the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Stalin? (I know my dad is reading this and waiting for me to say something wrong). All I am saying is the cold war didn't end that long ago...it isn't a shock to me that a country that was so completely consumed with power and conquer wouldn't have that still in their makeup...I think we as a society should take a long look at the world right now and the powers that are rising up...history does repeat itself...we need to learn from it eventually.
Okay...I am off to work on our things to do list...I know I have a lot I want or need help with, but I will forget if I don't ask...and bed...so tired...stayed up too late watching the Olympics!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Good Start
Well my Zachary Jay always amazes me...he handled today so well. We got to school...ON TIME! Yes, I was on time. I was even shocked by that. He walked in and went right to the teacher, said, "Hi Ms. Fabi!"...then he hugged her. He showed her his new lunch box...I got him a new one and wrote his name on it. He packed his own lunch...most of which he didn't eat, but he packed it and was proud of that. He saw his name on his cubby and was thrilled,"That says Zachary...that's my name." Then he thanked her. So cute. I left and went about my day with lots of butterflies and nerves...it went too well...I couldn't help but worry that he wouldn't do as well all day. Well, I got him at 12...went early to spy on him on the playground. He greeted me with a huge smile and hug. She said he did really well and had a great day...he was a bit fidgety...but have been dealing with that issue for about 6 months and have our eye on that being a new problem...always something. He seemed excited on the way home and that is all I can ask for. Otherwise the day went well. He was good and had a good day. He did some good pretend play...built things out of blocks in his room...I took photos, but didn't have time to upload. He usually doesn't build much, stacks and destroys...he built a freeway in his room for his cars. :) He kept getting upset with Erin and I told him if he wanted to play and not have her get in his way he would have to go in his room and play by himself with something. He went in and shut the door after I took out the blocks and got him started on building...when I left it was a crappie tower and came back to an interstate. I was so proud of him. Hopefully he will continue to understand he has to share his house, some toys and me with Erin. This is all becoming more and more of an issue as she is getting more mobile, curious and aggressive. She sleeps less so there is less alone time with me and with his toys around the house. So...all a learning process.
I supper nannies myself tonight and wrote a daily schedule for us. Basically a chart of times and activities. He does so well with schedules and his one at school. I think him having the visual aid in the house will be a big help in the coming weeks to keep us on track for bath, bedtimes, meals, etc. NO, I don't think it will fix the meltdowns and missing daddy, but will help him know what to expect and get him in schedule we will keep every day...continuity where I can get it.
We had a long talk tonight about learning to be a big boy in the house, sharing mommy and daddy leaving. We have slowly been gearing up for this since we wanted him to start school without added stress...but it is time to talk about it and get him aware that soon it will be just me. He has started to get more jealous of Erin and vice verse. It will be a test for both of them and for sure me, but I know we all can do it. It is wonderful to have him want me and need me...he asks me to play and do things now. So, I hate to turn him down, but some times he has to wait or do something else because of Erin...
I continue to read my Serenity prayer at night...always a good reminder.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I can't change autism...I can't change the things in him that work differently, I can work on helping him learn and understand the right ways to do things and new options. I NEED to work on knowing when to push and when to not...that is my big job and something I am working on daily...
So...off to read and get to bed...thankful for some prayers answered!
I supper nannies myself tonight and wrote a daily schedule for us. Basically a chart of times and activities. He does so well with schedules and his one at school. I think him having the visual aid in the house will be a big help in the coming weeks to keep us on track for bath, bedtimes, meals, etc. NO, I don't think it will fix the meltdowns and missing daddy, but will help him know what to expect and get him in schedule we will keep every day...continuity where I can get it.
We had a long talk tonight about learning to be a big boy in the house, sharing mommy and daddy leaving. We have slowly been gearing up for this since we wanted him to start school without added stress...but it is time to talk about it and get him aware that soon it will be just me. He has started to get more jealous of Erin and vice verse. It will be a test for both of them and for sure me, but I know we all can do it. It is wonderful to have him want me and need me...he asks me to play and do things now. So, I hate to turn him down, but some times he has to wait or do something else because of Erin...
I continue to read my Serenity prayer at night...always a good reminder.
God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I can't change autism...I can't change the things in him that work differently, I can work on helping him learn and understand the right ways to do things and new options. I NEED to work on knowing when to push and when to not...that is my big job and something I am working on daily...
So...off to read and get to bed...thankful for some prayers answered!
Monday, August 11, 2008
photos from San Diego - Sea World
Okay loads of photos...sorry....Wanted to get them all on here. Here is Zach at the base watching his dad do a low level fly by in the b-1...you can see if by the telephone pole if you look close.
Beach photo....Brandon and Erin... my photos on here are all out of order, but no time to change...
Erin at the park...
Zach found a big pile of leaves...so many dying trees here..,he had a blast playing in them.
My handsome boy...love that smile!
Zach and I soaking up the beauty of the ocean....he is so much like me in some ways!
My Erin...she loves the sand and playing in it, but still isn't sure about the cold pacific water...
Sweet girl...she tries and hangs in on the hot days with us....
Zach and I full of smiles, in our favorite place...the beach!
The little man and the sea....
Erin and her Zoe doll she got at Sea World...she was so done...
This was the beginning of the day...so happy then!
Both of them really done on the car ride home...love this picture!
Buried in the sand...and full of smiles!
My crew...I couldn't love them more!
They had this great jumping area for kids Zach's age...he had a blast in there and just loved it.
Sea world - Shamu show!
He loves his Shamu!
Erin liked it, but wasn't as impressed...
All in all we had a blast...so many more photos to share, but didn't want to overwhelm...will try to post more tomorrow...Brandon is at Travis for the next few days doing more training for his deployment...Zach has his big day tomorrow at preschool...same school, new room and new teacher. Bound to be a little stressful for him. I am off to get some things done and then myself to bed...
Beach photo....Brandon and Erin... my photos on here are all out of order, but no time to change...
Erin at the park...
Zach found a big pile of leaves...so many dying trees here..,he had a blast playing in them.
My handsome boy...love that smile!
Zach and I soaking up the beauty of the ocean....he is so much like me in some ways!
My Erin...she loves the sand and playing in it, but still isn't sure about the cold pacific water...
Sweet girl...she tries and hangs in on the hot days with us....
Zach and I full of smiles, in our favorite place...the beach!
The little man and the sea....
Erin and her Zoe doll she got at Sea World...she was so done...
This was the beginning of the day...so happy then!
Both of them really done on the car ride home...love this picture!
Buried in the sand...and full of smiles!
My crew...I couldn't love them more!
They had this great jumping area for kids Zach's age...he had a blast in there and just loved it.
Sea world - Shamu show!
He loves his Shamu!
Erin liked it, but wasn't as impressed...
All in all we had a blast...so many more photos to share, but didn't want to overwhelm...will try to post more tomorrow...Brandon is at Travis for the next few days doing more training for his deployment...Zach has his big day tomorrow at preschool...same school, new room and new teacher. Bound to be a little stressful for him. I am off to get some things done and then myself to bed...
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