May? Really?

So another month seems to fly by for us and more and more things are going on and keep popping up to get done...I like being busy, but I actually need to get a new purse calendar because mine is too small and I can't fit everything on it right now...crazy!

• Garage sale went well...crazy 40 mile an hour wind and super cold temps that AM kept a lot of people away or rushing through things when they did stop by.  We sold all of the big items from the backyard and so far the kids have said nothing about it, so I am feeling good with that.  
  
• My crown goes on May 4th...I am totally tooth paranoid right now because of it...eating is not as fun because I am fearful of cracking the temp.  
• I am the best wife ever...no really!  Brandon leaves Friday for Vegas for a going away night with friends....again best wife ever.  He will be back Saturday afternoon.  Then I get the crown Monday night, he will head to Long Beach that night for a TDY (work trip)...he then goes straight from there to Abilene and will be there until Saturday...he will fly into San Diego where we will meet him and spend mother's day weekend.  Yeah.  I am excited to get a trip into SD before we leave....we love it there and will miss it!  The drive is about 3.5 hours, so we plan to get up early on Saturday to meet him and have the day to play at the beach.  We stay at the navy lodge and it makes it really cheap and convenient....love it!!
• Got a call from the other behaviorist yesterday that we had an assessment done with back in February I think...finally got it approved through insurance...got an insane amount of hours and 6 weeks to use it...she is coming Friday...right after the other behaviorist.  Should be interesting to see if I can swing all of this. Technically I shouldn't have both coming, but as long as one doesn't know about the other I will play dumb.  :)  I have waited this long, I will take what I can get.  Zach is having some issues with the move, basically understanding it all...going to Texas helped some, but also confused him a bit.  He has been acting out the last few days and I am just frustrated to see some things he is doing...but I am hopeful I can curb it.  
• Found out Disney is doing a huge military promotion right now...30% hotel rates,  free passes for military member and reduced rate for dependents, etc.  Also if you go on someone's birthday you get their pass free and you get some perks.  So...for Zach's birthday we are heading to Disney...going on the 22nd and 23rd...We had thought of a party, but the weekend is memorial day and everyone goes out of town and never shows...the rates for the party place in town we used last year are high...so we are not sure right now if we will do a party somewhere in town that he can have his preschool friends or a party here at home with a few base friends...I just don't know.  If we do the jump place again it will have to be a joint party for the kids to make it fair.  We move on Erin's birthday.  But the Disney thing worked out to be really a great price and perfect timing.  Some friend that live at Travis will be there too and we hope to see them that first night.  Haven't seen them since we left Abilene!
• I am mildly stressed about the swine flu with us living in Southern CA...also the city in Texas we are moving to has had their schools shut down from it....ugh.  
• I am off to shower and get ready for my day...Not a dull moment this week!!!

The long, long, long overdue update....

Okay...here is the lowdown for all of you that have asked and shown interest. I have not been ignoring anyone, but literally stressed to the max and trying to make a good decision based on us and our family...Sometimes it is easier to do that with less input and distraction.

We traveled to AZ the day after Easter and got there late that night...Got the kids settled, to bed and my parents versed on Erin's needs.  She was getting over an ear infection, so I was a bit worried about leaving her.  Zach, Brandon and I got up early and headed to the airport and off to Texas.  Zach was remarkable on the whole trip and I really had to sometimes remind myself, he is only 4 and this is a lot for me, so it must be for him. He didn't whine or cry about the nine million houses we saw or things he never got to do...He was a great little boy. 

We got to SA and right away I was thrilled to see green and trees. The traffic that I had heard so much about was no where to be found and the humidity was really minimal compared to growing up in NC, so I was happy to see that the two things people had freaked me out about were not bad.  We got the Randolph and the TLFs and got our stuff in the room...base is so pretty and really a step up from most we have been on...I am glad however we chose to just not try for base housing there....the wait is 3 months and the houses while super pretty, are old (1920's) and have small backyards.  I have done base housing three times now in two old homes that were actually torn down after I moved out...I am not really interested in living in Temp living for 3 months to live in an old house again...call me a snob.  

We got to see the elementary school on base, which we are now for sure we will put Zach in...he can get a transfer since Brandon works there and go without an issue, so we are going to do that since they are a superb school...we had been concerned about some of the houses due to schools and this helped take that off the table. I think he will be happy there and it sounds like they are the best choice.  

We then went and looked at a few rentals...the first was not good.  We actually knew the people at the second one and liked it, the third beautiful, but overpriced for us.  

So then our trip took a detour.  We met with a guy that is in the AF, but also is a real estate agent...I know it is hard to grasp...he showed us some new builds that of course were breathtaking and awesome. I loved the floor plan and felt really "at home" in them.  

The next day Brandon had told him we would go with him part day to look at homes in a neighborhood we were very interested in living...heard a ton about the school there and the neighborhood in general. I was blown away with pretty green trees, a park, a pool, etc all in walking distance.  We tried to look at two rentals in that area and both already had rented...so our luck. We then looked a 4 to buy....one was great, but had some things that would have to be done to the house...white carpets for one...but we loved the neighborhood.  Our friends from Abilene actually live around the corner and watched Zach for a few hours while we continued the parade of homes...I was carsick and had the worst headache ever at this point.  We looked at a few more places to buy and all were just not as good as the new build or the one with the unfortunate white carpets.  

We spent all day looking and really were worn out...the next day we hit a preschool to look at for Erin on the way to the airport and headed home on overload.  

We got to AZ and tried to start thinking about what to do...this is when we started to forget our goal for this assignment and I think the carrot was being dangled too much in front of us.  We started to put in a bid for the house with white carpets....based on the neighborhood mainly.  I got cold feet and really started to think about several issues with the physical house that would make me unhappy that we bought it...renting it, sure, buying, not so much. 

We then looked at the new build with a lot more interest...it was the house we loved, floor plan awesome and hey it is new, so it is in perfect condition.  Up until last night we were buying it.  

Unfortunately as each day has gone on there have been more an more unforeseen expenses popping up that we didn't know about...then they wanted us to close next month, but we don't get there until June 23...that was my breaking point.  We would have put all of our savings into this home and it felt like they were pushing us too much...what if one of the cars break down, both are 6 and 9 years old, the 4 Runner is the younger one, but has been driven all over the past 4 years being here in the middle of no where.  What if there is an emergency...not to mention the furniture we need to fill a few of the rooms since the house is a lot bigger than this one on base.  

I broke...

I told Brandon last night I can't do it.

We had wanted this assignment for one reason...the kids, mainly Zach.  We wanted to give him a better school, access to therapies he can't have here and the chance to have friends, activities and outlets he has lacked living here.  We wanted Erin to have the chance to thrive and do things too and not be stuck being shuttled around or with a baby sitter while we are with him. We wanted a life that gave us the chance to go to the zoo, parks, sea world, travel, etc.  If we did this house all of that would essentially be gone...we would be strapped for money all to live in a house.  I had always said when we moved to SA I wanted to rent.  I let myself agree to look at the houses and be fooled into thinking the tax breaks and good market there for housing was a reason to live like a pauper for the next 3 years.  I don't care if we make the money back, in the mean time I want to be able to enjoy things. I want to go out to eat when I want and have some fun!  I have lived here, HELL, for the past 4 years with no chances to do a lot of things...I want and frankly deserve to enjoy this next assignment.

A house is a house...I am so not as into all of the razzle and dazzle as I think some people think I am...mainly my husband.  I don't care if the house isn't perfect, I am renting it...I pay my rent, I keep it clean, I give the keys back when I leave and move on...sounds great!

So we called Mike and Tabitha last night and accepted their rental...the second one we saw.  They are nice people that we met way back in Enid....their house is 2500 sq ft...so bigger than what we have now by 700....we will have to be creative with a few things, but won't be buying new rooms of furniture...we will need a kitchen table since our dining room set will be too big...it will go in their current den...which will work out fine.  The house has a lot of paint colors in it and we did ask if we can paint...I am much more vanilla in my taste on house paint...they said sure and I think we are okay doing that...the yard is huge, so good for the kids and Sally...it is a corner lot on a busier street, but the yard out back is fenced and that is where the kids will play, not out front...the rent is a great price and they are being very accommodating...leaving the fridge and offered to leave other items...they are also leaving their swing set, so we might try to sell ours prior to the move.  

In the end I know it isn't the choice that makes us giddy with excitement, but I also don't have an ulcer forming anymore.  I am not scared to live there and worrying about money, I am excited to get to the area, meet people, get involved and do things.  I think this was the right choice and I hate it took us 2 weeks to see that, but we learned a lot in the process.  

So...we will be moving to 245 Turnberry Drive in Cibolo, TX in June!

Erin and her Boo Boo Bear...

I know everyone is bugging me about the trip to Texas...did we find a house, etc. Well I promise to fill everyone in soon...for now here is a cute look at my daughter.
Erin is very attatched to her Boo Boo Bear. She LOVES him. He was given to her by my mom before she was born...it was in fact the first thing my mom sent me when I found out I was having a girl. It is a pink bear blanket...similar to the bunny one in her hands in the picture. But don't be mistaken, they are not the same. Nor is the identical boo we call back up boo...he is not the origonal. And I of all people get the boo boo bear obsession...I being the person that has loved Snoopy for oh so many years. I get it and I can't help but to smile as I watch her with Boo. She loves Boo and he was in fact one of her first words.
Erin being my daughter is quite dramatic at times and will always let you know what she is thinking and feeling. She was messing with Sally the other night while poor Sally was simply trying to eat...Erin dipped Boo Boo in Sally's water bowl and out came the cry of horror and the ranting..."Oh NO...Boo wet. Oh NO!" And so on for several minutes. I told her that is what happens when you put your stuffed animal in the dog's water and now we have to wait for Boo to dry. Well it was bedtime and she wanted (needed) Boo for bed...so she sat in the chair in front of the dryer and waited...watching him go around and saying, Oh No a million more times, hand over mouth for ultimate dramatic affect. Oh I love this little one even when I see too much of me in her. :)

You can see she is in utter distress....

Poor child was pretty patient I will say...

Happy Easter!

What a difference a year makes...just looking at the photos for one...Erin was so little!!! She was a baby last year and now a full blown toddler...She was so happy this Easter to be part of things and really got into it all...so much fun to watch her and Zach share the day together and have so much fun doing the same things. I had a great year with them and even though I must admit it is sad to look at the photos and see my babies growing up...they are growing up so well. I am so lucky.
We had a fun filled day...Egg hunt at home...brunch at the club and egg hunt there...then home to play and be silly...lots of fun together! Off tomorrow to our whirlwind trip...8 hours in the car to Arizona...spend the night, drop off Erin and head to Texas first thing Tuesday AM with Zach...hunt for homes until Thursday...return to AZ with Zach...Brandon will meet up with us Friday night, he is staying behind to do some work...then we head back home to CA and start the real deal...MOVING in just a few weeks...we will be out of here by Erin's birthday in mid June! I am excited about this whole move, minus the moving part...but so ready to get us there and start a new chapter in our life!

Happy Easter to all....

Inspritational

I just watched Larry King with Micheal J Fox as the guest...I was blown away by him and his philosophy on things.  I remember adoring him as a child and teen on Family Ties and in the Back to the Future movies...I felt so sad the day I heard he had Parkinson's....I now look at him with nothing but admiration and inspiration.

He is so full of optimism and hope.  He isn't sitting there feeling sorry for himself or playing the victim and he could be.  He could easily feel like he was cheated in life, but he is thankful for so much...I loved that. 

He also spoke about the fact that he is himself first and someone with Parkinson's second.  I just bought a book for myself that I started today, ironically.  It's called, "10 Things a Child with Autism Wants you to Know".  Basically one of the 10 things hit on that very topic...they are the person they are aside from autism...Zachary is Zach...not a child who is Autistic.  That hit home for me.  Especially now with us moving and him entering into elementary school next year.  I want to do my best to give him so many outlets to meet people, to do and become and not have Autism be the focal point. I don't love the behaviorist, but she made a good point on Tuesday.  She told me that she feels like aside from absolutely necessary therapy he needs she would not involve him in special ed or special needs programs and to mainstream him as completely as we can from here on out.  I have felt that way for a while and just haven't had the resources here. Let his Autism be something that is there, a part of him, but not what defines him.  

Michael J Fox also spoke about stem cell research. I know that the decision by Obama to overturn the Bush legislation was controversial to many people and I do get the moral, ethical and religious issues people have with it.  I respect that. I also vehemently disagree.  I would go as far as to say I would donate embryo of my own to help with the discovery of a cure that would save or help someone I love...to find the cause and cure for Autism for one. I live with this every day and know there are so many families that have it much worse. I watch my son at 4 years old read...he knows things he shouldn't know yet.  He is amazingly smart...he is loving...he doesn't know how to lie. So many things I could say about him...but sadly he doesn't know how to do the simple things most children know innately...how to make friends.  He can't determine by facial expressions easily what someone is thinking. He has a hard time maintaining focus and eye contact.  He is overly touchy and lacks boundaries...he will hug everyone...things that as a mom are painful to watch because they aren't easily taught and they do make him different.  I worry as he gets older not about him being able to go to school and do the work...not about him feeling loved or being successful in things. I worry about him finding friends, falling in love and having lasting relationships.  Maybe it sounds like nothing to you, but it isn't your baby.  I have two children that are amazing...Already I am seeing how different they are in ways I didn't even know before.  Erin wants my attention all the time...Zach just started to really crave that. Zach taught himself so many things through watching TV (very visual learner) books and repeated access to things.  Erin is learning by me showing. She is talking and picking up on things right now that we didn't see in him until he was about 3-4.  He repeated from TV or what you said verbatim.  She is talking and interacting.  It is so strange to see the differences so clearly.  I can say that if I was able to change him tomorrow to being a child without Autism I am not sure I would...now that I have had this child for almost 5 years, this is the child I know and love.  All of him...good and bad, as I love Erin.  I met him and have loved him all the while he has had Autism.  Now, would I have not wanted him to have it before I met him, you bet...what mom wouldn't? And not for me, but for him since he is the one that lives with this.  But this is the child I have now and to me, he is fantastic just the way he is.  I do think that searching for and finding the cures for diseases that rob people of their quality of life is so important...I know many of my reading friends disagree and I get that, but as I have asked before, try to just be open to why I see it this way...I don't want to change your mind, just share with you why I think this way.  

Anyhow...I watched this man tonight share his story and felt so moved.  Like Zach he didn't ask for what he has, but it is there. He is living with it, not suffering from it.  He is still the same person inside despite the tremors.  He is an inspiration to all of us.  

UGH...

So today was just ugh...

I took Erin to the doctor this AM while Zach was at school...she has been super crabby lately and I just had mommy instinct that she wasn't okay...so sure enough the right ear has a nasty infection and she is on meds to see if it clears up...Oh fun.  

Super windy here again today which means no outside play for her and I have to limit Zach since it is unfair for her to see him running around without her.  I hate the damn wind here in a big way.  

I have an ultrasound tomorrow at 10:40 and have to rush to get Zach at 12 from school when it is over...so my last day for a month in town with no child...is a busy day with no time to get things done...I also need to call and set up an appointment for my GI doctor visit. Oh!!!

Then I get a call from Miss Gerri about 20 minutes to 3....Erin arrives at 3 to watch little Erin...she tells me there is no appointment for Zach tonight.  Well I run a tight ship here with my babysitting and therapy stuff...so I was confused and irritated...I had told her last week we would be gone next week for spring break and double checked that we had an appointment tonight...she tells me she is sure she told me, etc.  I call Erin, cancel go about my day irritated...At 4:25 she calls to tell me she was wrong and wants to know if I can come in next week to make it up...I AM OUT OF TOWN!  Oh seriously people.  I have the behaviorist coming Friday again...always a snag in my day waiting around for that.  

We are heading to AZ Monday....spending Easter here with the kids at home and then off to AZ...leave Tuesday for TX and then will be there until Thursday mid day and back to AZ and then back here...Busy busy...

I am off to bathe my unhappy girl and cuddle with her some while the boys are off on a date...

Monday, Monday...

Well I finished my book, Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult.  I liked it...I like her books and style of writing a lot, so it was a good book and a different type of book than I had expected.  Have a few on my pile to choose from to start...not sure if I will read another one by her or try something new.  Jennifer Wiener's book Certain Girls comes out in Paperback tomorrow, so I will look for that while in town...

Doing a social outing with the behaviourist and Zach tomorrow...hopefully it goes well....meaning she can give me hints and helpful ideas.  He has been great the past few times we have gone out, so it figures he will be good tomorrow for her.

Speaking of good...my angel Erin...well I met her evil twin today...Lord help me!  That girl has got some pipes on her and will power that is beyond impressive...strong as an ox and determined...I am screwed.  She just has had a day today with a lot of attitude. Very out of character for her.  I am not sure to be concerned that she is sick or that she is now almost two and this is my new child.  I am not sure if it is bad parenting to hope for the first.  Needless to say even Zach was shocked at her tantrum tonight and just shook his head in disbelief.  She is talking a lot more and is able to make simple sentences.  I want snack (drink, boo-boo, etc)  She can count, name some colors, letters and most body parts...follows simple directions - well now that might be according to her mood.  :)  She is really doing well and doing things that I never saw in Zach until much later...so it is awesome and strange for me all at once.  To have a child able to be verbal this young is just not at all normal in this house and taking us completely off guard...Brandon was changing batteries in one of her favorite toys last night and she said, "What are you doing Daddy?'  Clear as day...we both looked at each other, then at her and she waited for an answer while we were lifting our chins off the floor...

Zach is doing well with things too...dressing himself and undressing without a meltdown...asking questions and answering them.  The asking part is awesome...it is great to see him show interest and be able to express it.  I am loving it.  He is doing well in school...sitting longer to do projects with teachers and doing more of his work without complaint...he is so smart it is scary sometimes...he knows all his states and pretty much where most are...plus a lot of capitals...has an atlas he reads before bed each night....his newest obsession. I figure that it is better to let him have an obsession that is educational. He can tell time, read...just doing well.  I am so darn proud of him.  

I am getting nervous and excited to go to San Antonio....I think it will be fun to see the city we are moving to...we have never done that before when we have moved, so this will be new for us.  I am hopeful we find a house and a good place, nice neighborhood...I feel pretty good about it actually.  I am nervous because we are leaving Erin with my parents while we are going...We will be gone Tuesday - Thursday...back Thursday afternoon...Brandon is staying one extra day to go into work and get acquainted with his new job.  I hope Erin is good for my parents and is the sweet Erin I know and love...the twin needs to stay here. :)  

Anyhow...I am off to get some laundry done...watch some reality TV that I have recorded and off to bed to start a new book...in other words...down time for mommy!!!!

Weekend....

Well first let me say thanks for all the sweet words and comment on the last post...I appreciate the love and support more than you know. 

I had some issues late in the week that led me to think I might have appendicitis.  Luckily I just now have to make a trip to get another ultrasound and visit the GI doctor.  My IBS might be acting up again...not sure. I was in a lot of pain Wednesday and just need to figure out what is going on with that.   

We had a good weekend...Friday we had dinner and some family time indoors...Friday was insane here with the wind.  it was windy in the AM, but by 11 when Zach got home it was awful.  The wind was 45-60 miles an hour all day...not gusts, that is just how fast it was blowing.  There was crap all over the street...lucky us it came on garbage day.  It was a mess and no one was out trying to clean it up.  Brandon had gone to LA Thursday, so came home to a nice messy street and front of the house.  

We ran errands in town Saturday with the kids...nothing exciting, but we enjoyed the time out and together and it was a nice day....then came home and got ready for a BBQ with some new friends...it was a nice night around some really great families we are lucky enough to have met lately.  

Sunday...well today was a day full of cleaning up and out.  I cleaned up some items in the closet (toyland)...I needed to just suck it up and clean out some toys of the kids that I knew they wouldn't want gone, but don't play with very often. I let Zach out with Brandon for a good chunk of the day so I could really get things out of the house, in the garage and ready for the garage sale later this month.  We have so much stuff I am willing and wanting to get rid of...It is nice to start to rid myself of it.  I have bought so much since we moved here....as I have said before I think I have filled that void of being bored and unhappy here with just stuff.  Buying to make me happier and hoping the kids will be happier...just an outlet that I needed to get control of and hopefully now do.  We are having a yard sale on April 25th....so excited to get things out of here and hopefully make some money at the same time.  

Finished my Christmas scrapbook finally...almost done with my book...

We are heading to San Antonio the week after Easter for a few days to house hunt...we have found some good properties that are for rent that we are interested in seeing in person...I am starting to lean away from base housing a bit now that we are being told the wait is about 3 months...with two kids and a dog, that is a long time to be without a house...I want to get a feel for the neighborhoods, schools, etc.  I think living in a city and having the chance to mingle outside the military will be great for all of us.  

Okay...off to bed now...

1 out of 150 and one is mine...

I apologize for the amount of photos I have posted...I went through his pictures and was just unable to narrow them down and even this is with cutting out half of what I had...I wanted to show my Zachary over the years to you as we see him and have grown to adore him. He is an amazing boy who has taught me more about life, love and purpose than I ever could have learned anywhere else. He is smart, kind, funny and loving. He has always been a happy boy as the photos will show...that was the hard thing with him...where was no trigger that we saw...no moment it changed...he has always been a happy child with smiles and laughter. In that sense, we are beyond lucky.
1 in 150 children are diagnosed with Autism...1 in 94 boys. It affects boys 4 times more boys than girls. It is the fastest growing developmental disability. More children will be diagnosed with Autism than Cancer, Diabetes, Down Syndrome and AIDS combined this year. It receives less than 5% of the research funding than the other diseases...there is no known cause and no known cure. It can cripple a child's ability to communicate with the world around them.
April 2nd is world Autism Awareness Day. You can search the web and look at lots of sites with information if you want to learn more...I encourage you to do that...not for me or for Zach, but for yourself....this is something we are going to see more and more of until there is an answer to this mysterious disability.
www.worldautismawarenessday.org
www.autismspeaks.org
I have been quite lucky in all honesty. Zach is high functioning...he is speaking very well and able to communicate with us. He is happy and full of life most of the time. He does have days where he is less alert than others...we have some bad tantrums that sometimes come out of no where...obsessions over things. But he is insanely smart...he can read, tell time, do some math, spell...he knows all of his states and can find most on a map. Knows some about money...all of his months, shapes, seasons, colors, etc. He loves maps and has an atlas he reads at night along with his children's encyclopedia. He is loving and kind. He gives the best hugs. He is a wonderful little boy...he didn't ask for this and most days I am sure he struggles with things he can't even tell me about...but he is making huge strides and doing so well. We are so blessed to be his parents and get to share his journey of life with him. He has enriched our lives beyond words. NO, it isn't a cakewalk being the mom of a child with Autism. I have many days I cry and feel like I have failed him. I live with so much guilt that I can't even describe to you unless you are in my shoes. But I also know how lucky I am...I want the world to know that this face, this child is the face of Autism. It isn't a cut and dry example. It affects so many children and so differently. He looks so normal and in many ways he is your average 4 year old...
So I chose to share some photos over the years of him...I apologize for the amount...I am so proud of Zachary Jay!

My wonderful angel....I love you Zachary!