One more month...anxiety!

Well the countdown is on...One month to go until Brandon should be returning to the states.  My mom arrives Tuesday afternoon and we drive to Arizona Saturday...spend the night with her friend Pat (thank you Pat) and then fly to NC on Sunday. My dad will be at a medical meeting in NYC that week, so he will get back on the 20th (Brandon's birthday).  So...we will be busy!

I can't believe this is my last Saturday AM in my house for the next month. I don't love Edwards, but I do like my house.  It is weird to think I won't see it for a while...but I am so excited to head to NC and to see my family.  

I am getting anxious about it all...for anyone who has gone through a deployment you know the drill too well. Pre deployment is insane. Your to do list is too long to ever get done and you always forget some things that should have been done.  You get so ready to get them to leave...hurry up and go already...the sooner they leave the sooner they get home mentality kicks in. Sadly I never treasure those final days enough and end up feeling awful about it after he is gone.  Then the first few weeks go by...usually for me they are sort of easy...Brandon goes on TDY enough that I am used to him being gone, so him being gone for a week or two isn't a big deal.  But then reality sets in...something breaks, someone gets sick, etc.  We have had a pretty okay deployment I must say.  I think we have all handled it better than I had hoped and learned a ton in the process. I am constantly amazed at my kids and learning I have a lot I need to improve on within myself...but those are important lessons and I am thankful for the chance to learn them and change while I can.  I can't get these moments back and I know Brandon is sad to have missed so much. I am grateful I get to be the one here to see the kids do things. 

I am anxious for the trip across the US...the drive, flight, etc.  Always an adventure traveling with kids.  Zachary is an awesome traveler....really I can't even think of one thing that is hard about it with him except that when we have delays it upsets him...he likes to know when things happen and that is hard.  But, I planned a direct flight to try to avoid that.  Erin...well she isn't a great traveler.  Miss busy likes to get up and go and isn't at all happy being strapped in her seat for that long...so I plan to load up on snacks and hope for the best with her.  I can't win them all....one out of two crying I can handle.  My mom is flying on the plane, but not in our row, so I can always ship Erin up to her. :) 

I am excited to get back to NC for the holidays...I grew up there and always feel happy to go back...home is always in Winston/Clemmons for me, so the area my parents and sister now live isn't too familiar to me. I love being there, but I am not sure of the area as well.  I do have some friends that will be home over the holiday break and I am anxious to see them....even a party planned.  I didn't go home too much after I went to college in Arizona, so I lost touch with a lot of people...another reason I have become so into facebook...great way to reconnect.  I miss that area, the trees, friendly people, the whole atmosphere.  I will actually miss going to Arizona this year. My best friend from college won't be there, so that makes it a bit easier to know I wouldn't get to see her anyway.  I love Arizona, can't lie. It is comfortable to me and I know my way around...I will miss that this year, but happy to go to NC...just bittersweet I guess.  I love both places and have things in both that are special to me...

The end of the holidays will be crazy awaiting word of Brandon coming home...those days are always long and filled with last minute changes.  I am excited and ready to see him. Ready to get home and have things happen....we should be ready for a new assignment this year...so we hope to hear news of that in the early spring, maybe late winter...should move this summer if all goes according to the "plan".  Funny as it sounds, that makes me super anxious too.  Just moving itself is so stressful...now with two kids and not one...ugh. We want to make sure we pick a house with the best school for Zach, so I will be heading to the "new" place to scope it out for sure. If we go back to a previous place we have lived I have a bit of an easier task in that area, I know my way around...but then there is that saying, "You can really go home again." So we will see what the AF has in store for us.  I am not going to miss Edwards terribly, but to be honest...like any place we have lived...it has things I have grown found of.  I love my hair dresser Julie...she rocks! I love Zach's preschool...even though he would be graduating this year, I would have sent Erin there in an instant.  I like my new house, but miss my trees.  I have just gotten used to things and that is always a silent comfort that you gain with time spent somewhere...no matter if you like it or not, you know it.  

So...we will see what happens what this next year has in store...I am anxious to know and see.  I have a million things to add to my new years resolutions this year...patience...calmer temper....learning to leave in the moment...we will see!!!