Reunion - high school!

My first few days here didn't feel too much like I was home...I didn't grow up in the area my parents now live, but about 45 minutes away...I lived most of my life here in Clemmons, a small town outside of Winston-Salem. I got the chance last week to go to Winston and see some old friends at a make shift reunion we had and then had some extra time the next day with two of my oldest and best friends...it was great and I felt like I was me and that I was home. Nothing like real friends who know you and get you to just let you be you. I added some photos from my night out...It was great to catch up and see people again...wish more people had gone and I had gotten more photos of those that did, but so happy I had the chance to go...

My "playdate" with Emily and Leslie...we chatted while my kids and Emily's son ran around. I went to school with both of them...they graduated the year below me...I have known Emily since I was 5...she grew up in the same neighborhood as me and we always played in the summers...I always feel at home with her and her family...Leslie and I became great friends when I came back to NC after living in TN...I had a lot of classes with their grade that year and got to know her well...she is a friend that no matter how different our lives are we get each other...it is easy and comfortable to be with her and I never feel like I have to explain myself. I love her to bits. I miss them both and hope that we can see each other more often and make special trips to do that...
Emily, Leslie, Me
Another person in the grade below me...Scott...he definitely had more fun at the bar than I did.

My friend Anna and her husband Brad...

Two of my favorite people....Leslie and Mike...Mike's sister was in my class and he was in Leslie's...he was one of my best guy friends in school and I love him to bits...So glad I got to see him on this trip...

Mike and I...Such a cutie!

Leslie, Me, Carey and Aliana...Carey and Ali both were in my class and I have known them since kindergarten...Carey is a singer and Ali is a doctor...both are super sweet and amazing...

Me and Emily...

Lindsay, Leslie and I...known Lindsay since Pre-K actually...

COLD!!!!

Okay it is 20 degrees outside with windchill at 5...going to get up to 31 today and it is windy...I am freezing. So very well aware of why I headed to Arizona for college and really wouldn't have left if I didn't meet Brandon...minor guilt trip thrown in there. ;) I am just not a cold weather person. The kids were so bundled yesterday and it was like 15 degrees warmer, I am not sure I have more layers or clothes for them. Oh my. Should be nicer by Christmas and then the weekend. We haven't done too much with the weather being so cold and the kids and I getting sick. So many friends I have here aren't home or available now, so that stinks. I do have plans Saturday to see my oldest girlfriend....I have known her since I was 5. She and I grew up playing together all the time and were so close. Emily's mom lives out near the area I grew up, so I am heading there with the kids to play...she has a little boy, so we will have fun catching up with the kids and letting them have some fun. I will also get to drive by where I grew up, where I used to ride horses and see my old "stomping" grounds so to speak. It will be nice and always warms my heart a bit to really be home and see things that are close to my heart. I also will get to see one of my other old friends and one of my best friends in high school and since...I am so excited she is tagging along with us for the play date and then we are going out that night to a party with a bunch of my high school friends. I am nervous and excited to see everyone...it has been so long. I am most worried I won't recognize someone...I think that would be odd. I think it will be fun to see everyone since it has been almost 15 years with some people. Amazing to think it has been that long since I left here for school. I do miss Arizona right now though...mainly the weather. I am a sucker for that warm desert weather. Seriously it lead me there. I have always said Tucson felt like an old comfortable chair to me...just fit. I love being "home", but it really isn't the same as it was when I was younger or even when I came back here years ago...
I finished the Pact...I really loved it. I really like her writing though. Her books move very quickly for me and I always get into them super quick...I don't feel that suffering through pointless crap to get to the story, it is just on...Love it. So, I am going to start my next book tonight, the Doctor's Wife...Kelley I stole this from you...I think you read it this summer...I bought it and left it here for my Christmas trip. I then need to read my book club book too...But for now I am just going to enjoy some good books when I am cozied up at home. Hope it is warm where some of you are...Okay April, stop laughing! Maybe I will head up to visit you in the summer and I will be the only one in Alaska with a parka.
Off for now...hope everyone is having a great Christmas week...HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENEE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday to my dad and my brother in law today...
And to my dear husband tomorrow...I hate that you are alone on your big day and that you are so far away....but I can't wait to get you home and with your family who misses you so much. We can't wait to see you and spend time with just you...enjoying our family. You are a wonderful man and I am so very lucky to be your wife and share two amazing children with you. I know that often times in life I am guilty of taking many things for granted and sadly even you and our time together. As much as I hate having you gone on a deployment it is a good reminder to me and dose of reality. I know how lucky I am to have you in my life and to share our life together. I love you so much and just am so ready to have you home...happy birthday!!! I might even be willing to co-share my birthday with you next month...THAT IS HUGE...you know how I love my birthday...I will of course take top billing on it, but I will share...hey if I can teach Zach and Erin to share, I can try it too. I love you Brandon.

So ready...

I am just getting so ready to have Brandon home...the days can't go by fast enough now at the end. I am ready to enjoy and do things as a family again. I love my family and I am so grateful to be with them, but I miss my husband. His birthday is Saturday...I hate he will be alone. Not the first birthday he has been deployed for, but to me it seems sad. I feel bad knowing that he is alone there with no friends. I wish he had someone to spend his day with or eat a meal...something. But we will spoil him when he gets home. :)
I am still yucky, the kids are yucky...yuck! Tried to get some gifts bought, but I have no umphf....so gift cards gallore this year for people...it happens. I am sleepy today...I know I wouldn't make it in Seattle, the cloudy weather is not good for me. :) I have to say even the few places we ran to get gift cards and such, it was sad how not busy it is out there this year...people are usually in a rush and running and doing...seemed slow and sad to me. So many good sales too!!!
Will try to write again soon...Enjoying my book the Pact...about 1/3 the way through and so far it is good...I like her books, so I am sure it will end well too...Off I go!

ho ho ho...

Well I still feel crummy...but I need to get out and get some gifts bought....I took some medicine last night and can breathe better today, but I can feel it all settling in my chest today...so I will try my best to feel better and get things done so I can start to enjoy my time here. The weather is crummy too...rainy and overcast...cold, dreary...i am not a cold weather fan. I do enjoy the change of scenery from Edwards, but I am not used to the cold and the rain, so it is an adjusment...One thing about Edwards that I like it the weather (minus the dreadful wind). I am trying to think of some fun things to do with the kids and for me, but until I feel better I am not sure what I will do. I need to take some photos and get some uploaded too. I plan to do another vacation scrapbook from this trip...I loved how the one from this summer turned out, so I will try again....started a new book...the pact, Jodi Pichoult...lots of books here to read too....love it! So upset...I was 30-50 pages from being done with Breaking Dawn...had it in the back of the 4Runner...left it there by mistake when getting out at the airport...UGH! So will try to sneak a peek in one if I can get to a bookstore...so my luck!
Off to get ready to run around with the munchkins...wish me luck with the weather, yucky cold and Christmas list...

Quick recap

I know I have been out of the blog land for a while now...busy and not feeling super motivated to write anything. Last few days in CA were busy, stressful and just had me in a crabby mood. I got bad news that a friend I was planning on seeing here had a tragic loss, her husband died unexpectedly in his sleep...they were my age. So sad and my heart aches for her and her loss. I had so much last minute to get done at home. Run Sally to the kennel in town and the vet Friday. I felt like I packed too much, then not enough...The drive was long, but both kids were awesome and I was lucky that everyone did so well. We were so lucky that Pat let us stay with her while we were in AZ for the night. I have known Pat since I was little and she is like family to me...I love her. I am glad the kids had time to play with her and see her and it was nice to have such a great night to unwind after the drive. The flight was good too, but Zach started to have some ear pains at the end. He was crying and super uncomfortable. We had a long drive back to my parent's house from the airport and all of us ready to get to bed and rest. Zach had a cold officially and just gotten worse...I went to bed last night feeling bad and feel ten times worse today...Erin has a yucky nose and is on the way to being sick too. So...that is the story here. We all feel like poop. It is rainy and overcast. Hanging out inside all day I think. My dad is in NY until Saturday so my poor mom has to put up with me and my moods...I have been less than enjoyable as of late. Zach had a bad day yesterday on a lot of levels and my patience wasn't there. So...today I am working on finding that again and reminding myself how crappy I feel is how he feels and he has the right to have an off day or two...easier said than done in the moment.
I am super tired so I will close now...Try to write more soon...

Looking back...

I went through a ton of old photos I had from college, early marriage and even some from high school and before that I had at home...cleaning out and looking for some people I had regained touch with via facebook.  Posted a ton on there and got some fun feedback from friends that were in them or knew people in them...just fun.  I posted on in particular of my kindergarten class at FCD....I hadn't thought much when posting except how cool I still know and talk to a few people in that class and how little we all were...I have a son almost that age now...crazy.

Well one comment back was that a boy in my class passed away in August...bike accident....very tragic.  He was super cute and so sweet...someone everyone loved. I remember him fondly as my first real crush...my parents used to tease me about him all the time.  Scott Bailey, or as we all knew him, Scooter.  Hard to believe his life was cut so short.

Then I got to thinking about all the people that I know right now who have lost a parent...then even scarier the friends that have lost a sibling or even children of their own. It just feel so young to realize how many people of my age have passed away...it makes me look at life and really take to heart some things. Things I should already know and remind myself of daily, but really needed that kick in the butt to see again. Every day is a gift.  We aren't given any guarantees.  You have to learn to live in the moment...love life and live to the fullest.  I struggle with this so much. I'm always doing and going and working on something...not just letting myself enjoy the day as it is or the moment.  I am striving to make this my focus...live in the now.  I refuse to let myself hear of these amazing people's lives being cut short and not taking it to heart.  I am so damn lucky to be standing here typing this blog...I have two amazing children and a great husband to boot.  I have a lot and there isn't enough time in our lives to enjoy it all...I will do my best to not waste any more time on the little things...I will live my life knowing that so many people my age didn't get another birthday, another Christmas, another chance to say I am sorry or to work on something they cared about...to kiss their kids or spouse goodnight....to thank their parents or realize a dream...I won't let that go unnoticed or forget again just how blessed I am and how much of life I still have to live, if not for me, for those who can't.

I am off to bed now with my cuties...thankful for each hug and kiss tonight and cherishing them as much as I can.

One more month...anxiety!

Well the countdown is on...One month to go until Brandon should be returning to the states.  My mom arrives Tuesday afternoon and we drive to Arizona Saturday...spend the night with her friend Pat (thank you Pat) and then fly to NC on Sunday. My dad will be at a medical meeting in NYC that week, so he will get back on the 20th (Brandon's birthday).  So...we will be busy!

I can't believe this is my last Saturday AM in my house for the next month. I don't love Edwards, but I do like my house.  It is weird to think I won't see it for a while...but I am so excited to head to NC and to see my family.  

I am getting anxious about it all...for anyone who has gone through a deployment you know the drill too well. Pre deployment is insane. Your to do list is too long to ever get done and you always forget some things that should have been done.  You get so ready to get them to leave...hurry up and go already...the sooner they leave the sooner they get home mentality kicks in. Sadly I never treasure those final days enough and end up feeling awful about it after he is gone.  Then the first few weeks go by...usually for me they are sort of easy...Brandon goes on TDY enough that I am used to him being gone, so him being gone for a week or two isn't a big deal.  But then reality sets in...something breaks, someone gets sick, etc.  We have had a pretty okay deployment I must say.  I think we have all handled it better than I had hoped and learned a ton in the process. I am constantly amazed at my kids and learning I have a lot I need to improve on within myself...but those are important lessons and I am thankful for the chance to learn them and change while I can.  I can't get these moments back and I know Brandon is sad to have missed so much. I am grateful I get to be the one here to see the kids do things. 

I am anxious for the trip across the US...the drive, flight, etc.  Always an adventure traveling with kids.  Zachary is an awesome traveler....really I can't even think of one thing that is hard about it with him except that when we have delays it upsets him...he likes to know when things happen and that is hard.  But, I planned a direct flight to try to avoid that.  Erin...well she isn't a great traveler.  Miss busy likes to get up and go and isn't at all happy being strapped in her seat for that long...so I plan to load up on snacks and hope for the best with her.  I can't win them all....one out of two crying I can handle.  My mom is flying on the plane, but not in our row, so I can always ship Erin up to her. :) 

I am excited to get back to NC for the holidays...I grew up there and always feel happy to go back...home is always in Winston/Clemmons for me, so the area my parents and sister now live isn't too familiar to me. I love being there, but I am not sure of the area as well.  I do have some friends that will be home over the holiday break and I am anxious to see them....even a party planned.  I didn't go home too much after I went to college in Arizona, so I lost touch with a lot of people...another reason I have become so into facebook...great way to reconnect.  I miss that area, the trees, friendly people, the whole atmosphere.  I will actually miss going to Arizona this year. My best friend from college won't be there, so that makes it a bit easier to know I wouldn't get to see her anyway.  I love Arizona, can't lie. It is comfortable to me and I know my way around...I will miss that this year, but happy to go to NC...just bittersweet I guess.  I love both places and have things in both that are special to me...

The end of the holidays will be crazy awaiting word of Brandon coming home...those days are always long and filled with last minute changes.  I am excited and ready to see him. Ready to get home and have things happen....we should be ready for a new assignment this year...so we hope to hear news of that in the early spring, maybe late winter...should move this summer if all goes according to the "plan".  Funny as it sounds, that makes me super anxious too.  Just moving itself is so stressful...now with two kids and not one...ugh. We want to make sure we pick a house with the best school for Zach, so I will be heading to the "new" place to scope it out for sure. If we go back to a previous place we have lived I have a bit of an easier task in that area, I know my way around...but then there is that saying, "You can really go home again." So we will see what the AF has in store for us.  I am not going to miss Edwards terribly, but to be honest...like any place we have lived...it has things I have grown found of.  I love my hair dresser Julie...she rocks! I love Zach's preschool...even though he would be graduating this year, I would have sent Erin there in an instant.  I like my new house, but miss my trees.  I have just gotten used to things and that is always a silent comfort that you gain with time spent somewhere...no matter if you like it or not, you know it.  

So...we will see what happens what this next year has in store...I am anxious to know and see.  I have a million things to add to my new years resolutions this year...patience...calmer temper....learning to leave in the moment...we will see!!!

Christmas stuff

This was on April's blog, and since she picked me as the most likely to respond...I felt I had to do it...love my April!

1. Wrapping paper or bags? Bags most always...I suck at wrapping gifts and my family always makes a point to notice and comment, oh this one must be from Susan, the wrapping gave it away. So, I try to avoid that and do bags...
2. Real or artificial tree? Artificial now, but I hope we can get a real one at some point. I think the fact we are never home at the holidays a big reason we go with our lovely fake one, but one year I want a real one...
3. When do you put of the tree? Ironically we don't have a tradition because we have had so few years decorating our own tree...two years of Brandon being deployed...our year in Enid I don't think we had a tree yet or money for one...and then I worked Christmas at the shelter both years, so we didn't do much...we will work on that.
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years at the latest. I usually am ready to get the house back in order...
5. Do you like Eggnog? Love it!!!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Loved my lite bright. Barbie from Ireland was one I remember well...and I got a snoopy once for Christmas that means the world to me...
7. Hardest person to buy for? My whole family isn't easy, but I usually go with gift cards so I know I won't mess up and they can get what they like.
8. Easiest person to buy for? My dad...can't miss with a Barnes and Nobles gift card.
9. Do you have a nativity? Yes. I have one I got at Target that looks just like the one I had as a child...I love it.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Always cards with a letter and photo...
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't know...I think the year I cheated and looked at my presents and then some of them got taken back and other things in their place was not great...more that I got caught was the bad part.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Carol
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Don't have a time line...see it, like it, buy it.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes...I should feel bad about it, but I don't...it has been simple things like ornaments or candles...nothing from a loved one I promise!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My mom's food...
16. Lights on the tree? Yes...Of course!!!
17. Favorite Christmas song? I have too many! I love Silent Night, Angels we Have Heard on High, First Noel (my middle name), Christmas Bells (Brandon's favorite) Little town of Bethlehem...
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We always travel...even the years I worked we went home right after...
19. Can you name all of Santa's Reindeer? Yes!
20. Angel on the tree top or star? Star....actually a snowman shaped as a star, I love him!
21. Open present on Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? I love Christmas and the most annoying thing to me is that so many people miss the meaning. I try to really downplay it around the house with Zach and Erin and we talk about the holiday in regards to the tree and decorating, the music, visiting family, etc. I never have asked them what they want and so far Zach hasn't asked for anything. I have tried to not talk about that part and it just ends up a fun surprise, but not something we expect yet...we will see how long I can keep them in the dark. :)
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? My mom gave me several ornaments of mine from when I was little a few years ago...it meant so much to decorate my own tree and put them up. Of course it took me like 5 hours since I was reminiscing through the whole process. I love that I have those now to share with my children. I love snoopy, so he is featured a lot on our tree as our airplanes that Brandon has begun to get over the years from my family.
24. Favorite food for Christmas dinner? Honestly I am just thrilled to have my mom's cooking...anything. Okay no Stew or pineapple chicken, but anything else. :)
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Brandon home, so I will get that about 2 weeks after if we are lucky...I just want to enjoy my time with my parents and sister and my children...learn to live in the moment and have more patience for things, especially myself.
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? I have no idea...
27. Who is least likely to respond? I have no idea....

Just thought this was fun...I will try to write a proper blog post later or tomorrow...off to do more Christmas cards since the kids are in bed early...it is before 8 PM...I have some items to throw on Ebay so I can get them off before I leave...stitches out in the AM...YIPPEE!!! I have some things to mail, so must get those packaged up and labeled. SO thrilled my mom is coming next week...I know she isn't feeling well and this is a lot for her to do...I do appreciate it so much more than she might realize. I am off to get my things to do list going...

Busy...

Not a ton to say tonight...well not a ton of real importance that is...I always have stuff to say.
I am busy getting things done here and there...Christmas cards...folding, stuffing, addressing....ugh. I always end up not having a ton of addresses and get so frustrated that I didn't think to ask weeks ago for them...I have no time this year to wait, so you snooze you lose. Laundry tonight...my repair man came...of course no noise while he was here and he said it was fine..and then I did a load later and the noise was there...I hate that...I don't care right now...it can be noisy and Brandon can look at it when he gets home...I give up on that one.
Just got a confirmation that my amazon return got there and they credited me 5 back...the book was over 10...they charged me a $5 restocking fee...what the heck is that? I am not happy, but not that I would have kept it...my dumb self ordered a 600 page book in spanish, so it had to go no matter what. Still stinks though.
Windy and colder today, but I know we are in for a shock in a few days...we haven't had a day below 60 in a few weeks and only about 4-5 days that were cold and yucky here all fall...Brrrrr is right around the corner and I am not lying, I am not so ready. But it will be a fun change to wear my winter clothes and get to hopefully see some wintery sights...
Lots of little things around the house to get done and work on before I leave...never feel ready to go away for this long no matter how much I prepare, I feel frazzled and unprepared. OH well....I can only do so much right and then it just is what it is.
I am feeling restless...going to go eat some cheesecake, watch General Hospital on my DVR and get to bed in about an hour...lots more to do tomorrow for me...stitches out Friday...yippee...Zach is so freaked out by my thumb, when I take my bandage off he goes and gets me bandaids and tells me to put it back on mommy...I guess stitches are creepy to a little kid...
Okay...I am really going this time...