Soccer is over!

Soccer season is over...Zach enjoyed it a lot, but we are glad to be done with the 2 night a week practice at 6:45 and weekend games...he won't play in the spring...we are going to try T-ball...then try soccer again in the fall. He loved the trophy! So glad he was able to do this and try something new! Yeah Zach!

One sided...

When I chose to set out and do a blog it was for a lot of reasons...I have always kept a journal and as I have gotten older I have been worse and worse about writing in it as often as I would like. The actual time to write as apposed to type is much more and my writing is never as easy to read. :) I also just don't have as much time with the kids. So I had stopped for a while and missed it. I realized that this would be a good way to put down my thoughts in a written form while also connecting with people in my life that I don't get to see daily. With a life in the military that is most people. I wanted to be able to share my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings, updates, photos, and a general sense of me at this time. For the most part I think it has worked. Sometimes my blogs are boring and informative. Sometimes they are full soap box. Sometimes they photo filled. Just a bit of everything. But in all of them one thing is constant...me sharing to you, the reader.

I got to thinking about it today as for the 2nd week in a row I realized how much people read and know about me and I am not getting that in return. Several good friends have shared news with me via an email after months of not much communicating. I feel like I have missed out on huge chunks of their lives. I don't know what goes on, but they know all about me. And that is my choice to put it out there as it is their choice not to do the same. But it is hard to be the one that doesn't know sometimes. I do feel like I am missing out. I feel sad that I don't know more about them...that the lapse in communication or sharing of info makes me feel like we aren't as close anymore. And this isn't one friend...I am totally not singling anyone out...this has been several over the past few weeks.

It doesn't make me want to stop blogging. I like sharing, I like speaking my mind, I like having a resource to give information, photos and stories to the people I am close to and don't see often...but I don't like the one sided factor. I feel like I am missing out on so much. Not knowing that a friend has lost a parent, but that the parent was so ill for so long. I never knew...I wasn't able to send cards or encouragement...baby announcements, but no updates during the pregnancies...moves, changes in jobs, etc.

So for everyone reading...no matter if we talk daily (mom and dad), talk often via emails, Facebook or even phone calls or if we rarely talk, but you read this and know what is new with me...Please share. Send me a note, comment in the comment section...join FB, call me, send me a letter in the mail...I don't care!!! I just want to be a better friend to you and know about you. It is so much fun to pick up the phone and talk to old friends that I haven't chatted to in YEARS. I have to say thanks to FB I have reconnected to three great friends from college, several from high school and even my time in Jackson...countless AF friends...you name it. And the best is when we have had a chance to call each other...hear the other person's voice...have a 2 hour conversation after not talking in 10-15 years. Awesome.

So...all I am asking I guess is please drop me a line now and then with your updates, news, photos, whatever. I am not all about me, I want to know about you!!!

Sick at heart...

Just so sad to hear the news out of Ft. Hood today...what an awful tragedy that is just unbelievable to me. I am still a bit shocked. The military is in reality a small entity...amazing how many times in this life you run into people that you have met at other bases or have been stationed with before...people who know people you know is even more common than you can imagine. There is a camaraderie with military members but also with the families or as we are called dependents....it is a life that you can't understand until you really live it and once you do, you are part of this amazing extended family. Being a part of something much bigger than just us. That is one part of it that I love the most. We are all in this together in one way shape or form and when push comes to shove people are there to help and support one another. We all live far away from our real families and most of our life long friends...so during the time in the military your friends become your family. So tonight to hear about this is tragic. Not that I knew anyone there or that it affected me here in my home...that is thinking selfishly. It is tragic because a part of the big family I am a part of had a horrible tragedy. Innocent, brave people died for no reason and it is a horrible loss. I am praying for the families of those who died, the people who were wounded and all of Ft. Hood...I can't imagine if that happened to a base we were stationed at and I don't want to think it could.

This and That

Just a few updates to share...

The past few days have been pretty good around here...we had a nice weekend and I even had some time alone on Sunday to just clean and organize some things minus any small cutie pies running around after me. It was great and Brandon took the kids to a pottery painting place and they had a blast.

Been cheering for a lot of Yankee games around here! Tonight might be the night!

Yesterday I went to the dentist for a teeth cleaning...NO cavities, so that was a nice change for me...since moving to CA I think that is all I had. :)

I am off to the doctor again tomorrow about my knee and some other odd things...long story and will chat about it once it is chat worthy....

Zach had a follow up at BAMC and really their results were the same to the school on all levels. Will retest in 2-3 years fro Aspergers...they think he is very bright and often his attention issues are coming from not being challenged enough, but how can you challenge him more in Kinder? He can't keep up socially or physically with older kids. Tough one. We were advised that while his attention issues resemble ADD, kids on the spectrum often have that and it isn't true ADD and that medication often won't help...sometimes it dulls out the bright spots in their personality. Which I don't want. But I am torn on this. If it can help, I would think we should at atleast try. This doctor thinks it is more a result of the Autism issues than ADD though...Zachary can be very focused and stay on task if he is engaged and challenged. So I am not sure. He gave some ideas for social groups and skills classes in town that we can do on weekends and some available in the summer. Most aren't paid for by insurance, so that part we will have to figure out, but we are excited to get some more ideas. His OT got approved for 6 more months...so not as much as we had hoped, but we will see...

Erin is coming into her own at school...I got there yesterday and see was napping...Yes, asleep. I was shocked...I had to leave and come back though since I had nothing to do and was expecting to get my buddy. She had a great day and was actually sad to leave. A wonderful change for her. She is being much more social and showing her true self easier. She is still shy with strangers and I think in the end, I am okay with that...that is who she is!

I had a fun Monday night...Brandon got home and took over the kids. I left around 6 and headed to the Forum, a shopping center close by...walked around Hobby Lobby alone!!! AH! Wonderful time to just look...then went to Pier One and snatched up some xmas gifts for Zach's teacher. I had so many gifts from after xmas shopping every year and this year my stash has run dry...big bummer! At 7:30 I headed over to Macaroni Grill and meet 3 ladies I have been talking to through an online playgroup. I have only been able to go to one event....they have a lot of things on Tuesday and Thursday when Erin is at school and a lot in the afternoons when Zach is at therapy or during his school pickup times. So I have struggled getting out and going places with the group. But I have wanted to...so they had a dinner out for moms night and I took the chance to meet them...only 3 went and it was perfect...enough so we all could talk. I like everyone a lot and felt so glad I made the choice to go...look at me branching out! I spoke to another friend here that same day that I hadn't talked to in a while and she and I made plans to go see New Moon, the next Twilight movie...her inlaws will be over Thanksgiving, so she needs the outing after they go. :) My friend down the street has had constant visitors since September with her...no exaggeration. Her son's birthday party is Saturday, he will be 5. We plan on going and taking Zach...she came by to say hi the other day with her little girl, Olivia who is about 6 months younger than Erin....Erin had a ball with her. So...I have felt more connected this week and like the friend thing is going well. At Edwards I always felt things were on the surface, lots of people I knew, very few friends. And for the friends I had, so many time we were all busy or had things going on, we never got together and made the time for us. So this is feeling more positive for me...

I am off to start my day and to get things done...a lot on my list!!! Here are two photos, one of Zach just being handsome and Erin in another dress up outfit. (I loaded up on Halloween costumes at Target for her dress up bin!)

Happy Halloween!

So here are the Halloween photos!!!

Miss Snow White!

She is finally willing to smile...CHEESE!
Still all about the cheese!
Zach is now into it and Erin is pleased!
My beautiful babies!
Hey Astronaut Zach!
She is full of it tonight...
So impatient...we had to continue to tell him it isn't dark yet...he couldn't wait...
The first stop...the neighbors!
Okay...she totally got Candy was involved...she was all over this event!
Back at our house waiting to give candy out to the other trick or treators...too bad no one came!
Our Jack-o-lanterns!
Hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween!!!

Pre-Halloween!

Here is my precious sweet Erin...painting her pumpkin last night and herself...Oh Erin! Zachary worked very hard on his Pumpkin!

My daughter...wearing my necklace and nothing else...I thought best to only show this photo!My smiley girl before we went to Zach's costume parade at school...she even let me do her hair after we took the photo...yeah!
Zachary in his costume for his school parade....they had to carry a book with it, his was "A Place in Space" by Doctor Suess.
The boys!
My handsome boy...
Always fun to dress up to go to school...what kid doesn't love that! I am excited for holidays this year with both kids at a fun age and aware of things...I will share photos again after the night!

Weekly update...

• Wow...another week coming to a close...busy, busy, busy!
• Had a good week, but more sickness here. Erin had a low grade fever and yucky runny nose...she seems to be doing okay, but to be safe I cancelled a play date I had here for a play group I joined...hopefully I can go to other things they have soon. Brandon has had sinus issues and coughing...I have sinus issues as well
• We had two cancellations at OT and Speech due to Erin not feeling well. Zach had a make up social group which was good and fun for him. He missed swimming and soccer though...honestly...it was nice to have a break from it all this week. I know that sounds awful, but feeling sick and having Erin sick, I was happy to not run.
• Erin is starting to really enjoy her school days and gets excited to go. The teacher said she finally came out of her shell and is talking much more in class. So good to see that side of her coming out for others.
• I had a dermatology appointment today at Willford Hall. Went okay, but had a mole removed on my forearm that looked "strange". So I am waiting to get the results on that...hoping it is nothing more than an odd mole.
• Zach also had his report card come home for the first 9 weeks...all great marks. Noted that he is improving his listening and that he needs to work on his excessive talking...Who would have thought that two years ago my son would get that on his report card? Ha ha! Ironically I had that on almost every report card. :)
• I got to go to school and hang out with Zach in his class today...so fun. He did a really great job and it was nice to see him in his environment. They had pumpkin carving and projects today...it was great to be part of that with him. He honestly fits in really well, better than I had thought. His classmates are nice and for the most part I see others that are a bit more challenging. It was fun and I hope to go back more. He is a great little boy. It was pajama day...oh he loved that!
• While there the teacher told me she needed to talk to me...she and the Vice Principal were talking about Zach's reading level and what to do to help challenge him. Example...Mrs Key takes out a Halloween book to read to the class and one of the girls in the class said, "Can you let Zachary read instead?". Anyway they want to pull him out in the mornings to go to first grade and do reading with them and possibly math. I said sure! I think that would be a great challenge for him and further his social building skills and do a lot for confidence. I hope it works for him.
• We have one more day before Halloween...Tomorrow is costume day at school! I am excited to see how the kids do this year...last year was great and I hope this year is as much fun for them.

Being okay with being happy....

This little boy seems to get it, why is it so hard for me? That smile...that face...this little boy. He is the reason for so much in my life...the source of a ton of sleepless nights, worrying myself sick and a lot of unresolved guilt. But he is my light...my purpose...my joy. This little boy has taught me so much...I think he has taught a lot of people a lot. For one, don't underestimate him...

So...this has been a week we have waited for... Zachary has been in school nine weeks. Last week we had his parent teacher conference and got great reports. While we were thrilled, not surprised. He is a smart boy, loves school and is doing great academically. At the first school ARD (IEP in normal states - individualized education plan for kids with special needs), we agreed to have him completely re-evaluated and to meet again in 8 weeks with results...then create an ARD around that. We have also taken him to BAMC (major military medical center) for the same tests to be run. We had an idea of some things, but really a lot was a shock...

They did a lot of the same tests as CA. He was given the ADOS to test for Autism. Zach didn't qualify here. His language skills are too good and his social. While he has deficits in social, he has the desire to be social. He was tested for Aspergers....he was scored as highly probable, but not conclusive and will be retested in 2-3 years. We are on the fence with this one. He has a lot of the criteria for this one....very smart, great memory, interested in single subjects and topics...ones that are "abnormal" for a child his age (maps, GPS, weather). This is referred to as restrictive behaviors and interests. His social skills again trip us up...he is lacking in this area, but he has a desire. So that leaves us with the glorious label of PDD- NOS again...basically he has some but not all of the characteristics of Autism or Aspergers. The big change is according to the school and the battery of tests they did on him, he no longer qualifies at the school as a child with Autism. PDD is a diagnosis that will stand and does put him on the spectrum, but basically they are saying it isn't impacting his ability to go to school and perform at this time. HOLY CRAP! We didn't see that coming.

He will still be getting speech two days a week to work on issues in his speech that are still behind or not well developed...also to work specifically on social skill building. He is still tagged as in special Ed as a child with PDD. But, he will receive no special accommodations. He is functioning in a regular kindergarten class with 19 kids and doing well....no, I can't lie, he is doing great!

So why am I not happy? Because for two years I was living with a lot of fear, guilt and worry. Living under the cloud of Autism and what that meant for him and really for us. The hours and miles of driving for therapy and school. The therapy in home. The schedules, charts, transition work. I could go on. I didn't see the light, I just kept going because I knew I had to do what I could to help him. To me there was no choice. He is my baby and I love him...that is what you do when you love someone, you go to the end of the earth for them. In that, I never really saw that he was going to be able to do this. I just couldn't see past so much.

At age 3 when he was diagnosed it was a lot all at once. A sweet, loving, beautiful little boy was told he had a problem we couldn't fix. We had little to no services where we lived and I had no idea where to start. I had a newborn and a husband gone a lot. I wasn't in a place of seeing rainbows...Zach was primarily echolalic...he repeated what you said to him back to you or repeated phrases he heard somewhere else. He walked the perimeter of the yard and park looking out of the corner of his eye. He could watch water all day. He had tantrums and outbursts if we went a different way to the park or if we went to the commissary and he thought we were going to the BX. He never played at playgroups and it became too painful to go.

His test results in CA weren't good. His IQ was 71, borderline Mentally Retarded (below 70). It wasn't a pretty picture.

I knew we had a lot of work to do and so we did. He was potty trained on Columbus weekend. He started a private preschool in Palmdale in the 2 room as a 3 and moved up after the above mentioned...he started speech therapy at the public school and then entered their special ed speech program...then one on one speech with Miss Gerry. He went to summer school. I tried things like gymnastics...We finally got him ABA therapy at the end of our time there. We worked a lot in the house on things. I struggled with play groups and things with friends because I didn't have a ton of friends and I never felt like anyone was willing. But regardless, we did what we could. And we had great people that helped us on this journey...

When we moved here this summer I thought things were going to be awful with school, but he has adjusted so well. One meltdown in 9 weeks that the teacher said was bad...otherwise he hasn't cried or flipped out at school. He has been able to do the work without modifications. Eats in the lunchroom and even goes through the lunch line. That is huge considering he is the pickiest eater. He handled the fire drill with no issue...goes to the specials and never complains that one day is computer and the next it is PE. All things have been positive...

We did hear over and over that he is distractable...wiggles, fidgets, impulsive. They can't diagnose ADD at school because it is a medical condition, but they said they think he has it according to the tests they did and we also had BAMC do it...we will seek medication if he does to help him keep that distraction in check.

The big part of the testing was academic...they did a complete IQ....He beat his CA score by 41 points. I won't go into the details on here of the breakdown...off the charts in some areas. Especially reading at 133! They then did a comprehensive reading test on him because he scored so high...he is five and the test is designed for 6-18 year olds...again above average. When they compiled his tests he was equivalent to a 7-8 year old in most areas except spoken language (his pragmatics and syntax are not the best).

In other words this little boy is very bright. All that know him, already knew that, but none knew how much. Kinder doesn't have gifted classes, but he will be tested in the spring and all signs say placed in gifted in 1st. I think that will be a huge help too.

So...

Why not happy? I think I am in shock. I am so used to hearing the bad...the concerns...the issues we have to work on. I have never had a group of people tell me he is doing so well we can't qualify him for things. What? Really? I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am trying to be happy at his success and knowing all the work we have done, he has done, therapists and teachers has paid off. He has learned how to control some of his problems and we have helped teach him ways to cope. He is learning the correct ways to interact and that it is fun. He has matured. He has flourished in areas that have given him confidence and independence. He is now getting occupational and speech therapy 2 days a week here privately, in soccer and swimming...so many things to see and do here and keep him active. NO, he isn't cured. He still has a diagnosis and is on the spectrum. He might also now have ADD. But he is able to function with it!

I am so thankful tonight for now knowing that he has come so far...seeing it in black and white. I watch him every day and I am amazed at this child. I couldn't have asked for a more incredible person to have as a child. He is remarkable. I am so lucky. And I wouldn't change him even if I could. I hope I can take a step back and just enjoy him more now...not stop working, but now I can know that the work is paying off and we see the light.

That little boy with the big smile knows that there is a lot to be happy about and to everyone that has helped get us here....THANK YOU.

Pumpkin Patch....

Well we got out of the house today finally and headed to the pumpkin patch...it was in a small town called Garden Ridge, close by our town of Cibolo. We had a great time at this cute patch at a church. Nice people, safe and lots of pumpkins! The kids both were so excited and ready to go bright and early.

We enjoyed our Waffle Sunday breakfast...new tradition here. Had some time to enjoy the pretty weather and open windows (I get that from my Noni, I love it). We had a fun time and no issues, which is always a plus. Got a trip into Target as well...Zachary needed a new watch...the one I bought him on his birthday last year wasn't holding a battery and kept dying....and that isn't something that he deals with well, so we thought replacing it would be best. They didn't have the one he had, so we got a new one...Do you know how hard it is to find a real watch with hands for kids these days? Hard!

We then came home, Erin napped, I read some in my book and the boys played a bit outside. Brandon and I had a yummy steak dinner and the kids ate on the deck since it was so nice...we then topped it off with ice cream out...seriously way too much excitement! It was a nice day and we tried to fit in a lot since we hadn't been out in about 9 days. Another busy week ahead with appointments...doctors, Zach's second ARD (IEP), therapy, and so on...so I best get to bed! Enjoy the photos!

As always last to first...