Happy...

I am usually one to say that I feel content. I am not really a glass half full or half empty kind of person. Some days it is smashed on the floor in pieces and some days, it is overflowing. It really depends. But most days, I am content. I like content. It is safe. I don't expect too much and I am never disappointed. I am a pretty honest person. I will tell you when i am upset or mad and if you really know me, I don't have to tell you, you will know. I am much more sensitive than people think and I have to often step back and realize that not everyone else sees things through my eyes. I struggle with that a bit. Getting my feelings hurt easily. Even here in San Antonio where I am happy and have made a lot of friends, I find myself still feeling left out at times. Wondering if these are great life long friends or just for this assignment friends. Simply acquaintances. I wonder if the days of having a best friend are over. Like the best friend that lives near you and you can see all the time. Because I was lucky enough to have that and I miss that. Not that those ladies are no longer people I consider best friends, but distance changes things...how can it not. You move, you have kids, you are busy. It happens to all of us even when we don't move around every few years. Life gets busier and our friendships often are on the back burner when it is someone we don't see often. I hate that. I miss having girlfriends that know me and get me, right here. I miss being able to hang out with my friends whenever I want. I know I have been so lucky and blessed to have made some of the most amazing friends and I continue to cherish each of you...but I miss you. I wish you lived closer...I wish I didn't have to wait for spontaneous visits to Arizona or driving across the US to have a quick visit. Or hoping for trips to be able to see you. I wish you all lived closer...miss my friends...I am grateful for the new friends I am making and hopeful that the BF thing isn't behind me.

I am working on letting myself move past content and dare I say be happy. Making time for me. I have gotten more involved things, I do know a lot of people and try to go out and be involved each chance I get. I am working on taking time to do things for me, like my walks. It feels good.

But, I have to admit...There are two things in my life that have never made me simply content. I feel very blessed that even though there are days I miss my closest friends, my family and I muddle thru working to be content...these faces always give me a boost too happy. So for that I will be grateful and enjoy. They are getting so big so fast. I wish I could freeze them in time. I would give anything to make these years last longer.

They equal happy to me...