Meeting new people...

Meeting people...why does it seem for me as I have gotten older to be so much harder.  I am not sure if it is one thing or rather a compound affect of several things that have happened.  Brandon and I met at the end of college....prior to meeting him I had a pretty small group of friends I had met my freshman year in college that I spent most of my time with...I had a couple of other girlfriends through college and one best friend.  But when I met Brandon my friendships on a lot of levels changed. I spent far less time with my best friend and to this day I hate that...we both moved to opposite ends of Tucson and with traffic there it literally made it a 45 minute hike across town to visit.  She finished up school before me and entered the real world first. I spent a huge majority of time with Brandon and therefor his friends. The group of friends I had made early on...well to put it nicely we all grew apart....only one in that group did I really miss and looking back I now know we were mostly friends due to circumstance rather than common ground....

And that brings me to my biggest issue with friendships.  How often do we find those friends we really get and get us...ones that feel like family and not just a friend. People you are just comfortable and at home with in any situation???  I think those are honestly far too rare. I think more often than not we find ourselves befriending people that are convenient.  People that fill a place in our lives at a certain point...we might not have a life long friendship with or even a good friendship, but it works for that time in our lives.  I am not good with those...I am trying to learn how to accept that sometimes those are okay too.  I think in college I was more willing....I was new to a big school, knew no one and was willing to accept friends and kindness readily.  I was young and far less cynical about people's motives.  I was less concerned about multiple ways that person would fit in to my life (do they have kids, my kids age, husband like my husband, similar interests)...I just thought they were nice and fun, okay that works.

So when did all of that change for me.  When did making a friend become such work?   I think part of it would have to be the moving and Air Force life.  It isn't as easy when you move place to place and have a few years in one spot. You are changing jobs, homes, having kids, etc.  Add in that your husbands job often has "input" in who you meet and spend time with...where you live...how long you live somewhere.  We have often lived in places where Brandon was required to participate in group things (class activities)...through that you have what is called mandatory fun. Now I am not sure about everyone else, but for me that is a huge oxi moron. I can't have mandatory fun.  I also can't guarantee that out of 15 wives in a class I will like them all much less one.  In pilot training, I liked one wife in the class enough to actually become friends with, not a great ratio, but a wonderful friend.  

Going to Ca from TX was hard...we had made some great friends there. I had a 1 year old when I moved and had been not working for a year...I think the group of people we met were for the most part unlike me. I met some ladies I right away liked and some that honestly I had nothing to say to them. I am not saying that to be mean, but if you know me, you get it.  My time in CA wasn't the best on the friend level and while I met a lot of people and have a ton of "friends"...I failed to really make a great (best) friend there.  It seemed so much harder for me. 

Now that we are here in TX I am making a conscious effort to try to get to know people and put myself out there.  Talk to people at the pool, Costco, where ever.  I am willing to go and meet people and try new things.  I know that I have to try in order to find those friends I have had in the past and that I miss so much.  I can't move my friends with me, but I wish I could.  I miss so many of you...

So tonight I tried again....went over to a couple's house who have 4 kids, they live in north central SA and are really nice.  He works with Brandon and is from NC, not far from where I grew up.  It went well. The kids did great, Erin didn't cry or have any stranger issues and actually willingly wandered the house and played...Zach and their son Quinn played all night together and they both seemed to be having fun.  I liked her a lot and all in all it went well.  I also saw another lady at the pool today that I met a few weeks ago...she has a child going into the same elementary school as Zach and is nice. Ironically they live around the corner and her husband works in Brandon's office too. I am hoping to call her Monday and see what we can set up with the kids. 

I am hopeful and I am trying...I want to believe it isn't me and that CA was just not a great assignment for me....so I will keep putting myself out there and hoping that I click with some people...if nothing else it is great to see the kids have some new experiences...