I have so many emotions right now. I have never before left a place I have lived and felt this way. I know I won't cry and break down as we pull out of the driveway and off the base...When we left Tucson I cried all the way to Utah! I think there is a bit of sadness, guilt and regret along with the hope and anticipation I feel for our next assignment. I have wished so many days of living here to be able to move...for this assignment to end and now it is almost here. I don't have a ton personally to take from here...that is being totally honest and is a bit sad.
have loved being a mom and being able to stay home with my children. I wish that I could have experienced these wonderful, fun years in a different place. I will miss some things and some people from here, just not the things I might have in other places...
I have loved Zachary's school in Palmdale, PUMP. It has been an amazing place for him and I am forever grateful to them. I would honestly send him back there in a second and only wish I could have sent him there every day of the week if we had been closer. They were so kind and willing to work with him...starting him in the 2 year old room when he was three so that he could get used to school, the kids, talking, socializing, potty training...so much really. He moved up in a few months and has stayed with his age appropriate peers....now he will graduate next week. He learned so much there. He learned to love school, follow directions, make friends, doing what other kids his age were doing, ride a bike, share, play and communicate to others. He blossomed there. He has been blessed with 3 great teachers, but above all the last one has been the best, Miss Fabi. Oh I adore here. She has spoiled me. I watched her last year when he was in the 3 room and I hoped I would have the courage to ask for her. She seemed strong and firm, but loving and kind. She is super neat and organized. The children adore her and you can tell she loves what she does. I will miss PUMP. I am sad Erin won't get to go there. Zachary broke my heart today as we walked in school. It is sometimes a negative he can read so well. He noticed the board announcing Kindergarten is being taught there in the fall...just starting...he told me, "Look mommy, they have kindergarten here! Now we don't have to go to Texas, I can stay at Pump." Oh Zachary...
He has also attended a school through the school district, first on base and now in a town about 25 minutes off base...both classes taught by the same teacher, Miss Helen. When I first met Helen I had just sat through my first IEP (individualized education plan) with my 3 month old daughter in my lap and been told my son had autism. It wasn't the easiest day for me...Brandon was not there. It was the start of so much. Helen became his special ed preschool teacher. She wasn't someone at first I warmed up to and only now do I know why. She saw Zachary for all he could do and knew she had to get him to know he could do it...I saw her pushing my son out of his comfort zone and it made me mad. While PUMP did so much for him, so did this....more so Helen. She pushed Zach to not give up or give in...she made him work doing things he didn't always want to do. Funny thing is she is now someone I really like and think I will remain friends with after we move and Zachary adores her. She was the right person at the right time for him and for me...I am glad she pushed him and me toward our potential. She is a great teacher and takes her time daily to email me about how he does in class, good and bad. I love that.
Then there is Miss Gerry...his speech therapist we see once a week. She is great and we all love her. She has taught me so much...how to really play with him and engage him in ways I didn't know how to before. She has given me the best gift...communication with my child. He has grown and changed so much since he met her...we owe her a lot.
Then there is the other Erin in my life...she has been amazing. When we found out Brandon was deploying I knew I wasn't going to be able to do all the running around with little Erin and keep up with Zach's needs....I needed help and I got Erin. She has been incredible. She is sweet, loving, smart, creative, kind and someone we now think of us part of our family. She has seen me at my worst and still shows up here anyway. Both of my children adore her and will be so sad to say goodbye. I am so thankful to her...the time and energy she has devoted to our family has been wonderful. I am glad that I can call her my friend and now we will keep in touch.
I will miss Julie...my amazing miracle worker/hairdresser. She is fabulous and is able to tame my mess of hair...she is a great lady who actually has been down a similar path in life with her oldest son and has been a wonderful mentor for me in many ways. My hair will miss her, but I will miss her more.
I wish I could go on about friends next, but I really can't. I have been here four years and can't say I have made a plethora of them. Some have already left and the two ladies I have known since I got her are leaving this summer also. We have all 3 been busy having babies since we got here and raising our children, we have had little to no time to enjoy each other sadly. I do hope that I have an easier time in SA meeting people and making friends. I really struggled here and that has been hard.
I devoted a ton of myself to Zach and really never got involved in anything. I am sure I cam across as disinterested or even bitchy. If people only knew what I was feeling inside and going through at home...but really no one took the time to get to know me. Those that did saw me for me and they are friends I am thankful to have. I have been guilt ridden, angry, sad, lonely and overwhelmed for the better part of 4 years here. I don't want that to define me....I am not a bad person, but I hope to leave the person I have been here behind...
I think I am pretty ready to say goodbye to Edwards and in some ways this chapter in my life. I will forever love the memories of my children and the experiences I have shared with them here. So many huge moments and milestones I can't repeat and moments I will never get back. I am excited to move onto a new chapter that I hope to be filled with opportunities for each member of this family...happier days and more memories to make!
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