Facebook Fascination and Facing Flaws...

Okay...so I jumped on the blogging band wagon, a little late, but I did. I also have jumped on the facebook one. I signed up for an account a few months ago by invitation from a friend and put little thought into it being anything more than a place I might check once in a while. The idea of being part of a social network online didn't seem like something I needed. I really didn't think I would search people or be found by anyone. Little did I know what lay ahead for me. It has been a fascinating world...
Little by little people from my high school, especially my class showed up at my facebook doorstep. It was great to see photos of old friends and classmates, hear how people were doing, catch up and feel a little connected to them and to the old Susan. Then it became more. People I had not expected to find appeared. It has been great to learn what has happened to friends that I haven't seen or talked to in 12 and even 16 years...scarier that I am now that old...but my point is that it was a great, unexpected surprise. I have caught up with three people in particular that have made an impression...one a great friend from high school that to no one's fault we drifted apart. Mostly my lack of effort to stay in touch, but there was no fight or ending of a friendship. He is a funny guy that I always enjoyed talking to and spending time with and as the saying goes, some things don't change. Another friend was someone I had a great friendship with and lost as a friend due to me just being immature...she and I have been able to patch up some things and talked and I am thrilled to know she is well and happy. A friend I missed dearly through the years and now I can know again. No our friendship isn't the same, but at least we are in contact and that is great. The third was a great surprise...a friend from a long time ago...over 16 years since have spoken...she is someone I lost touch with for various reasons...Hearing her voice on the phone was great and knowing how she is...
Now I am not saying I now have all these amazing friends back in my life and we will talk daily, hang out and plan trips to see each other...I am not that naive anymore. I do think it is great to be able to reconnect and see how people are doing...if we are able to maintain a friendship, then even better.
The biggest thing facebook showed me was that I had to take a look at myself...why is it that I had lost touch with so many people and why some that mattered so much to me? I had to ask myself what was my role? It is hard to see your flaws sometimes when you are in the moment...but not too hard to look back as an adult and wish you would have known better. I had a lot of growing up to do in terms of maturity and insecurity. Hind sight is always 20/20.
I pride myself now on being this honest person...I don't like to hold back my feelings or thoughts and it often can get me in trouble. But, at least people know where I stand. I think I like that about myself. I wish I had more of that in me then...the ability to be okay with how I felt and not be scared to share it. To own up to mistakes and not run from them. To not quit when things got to hard. I am pretty famous for that and that isn't something I am proud of as a characteristic.
Sometimes in life there are people that are your friends for a short time or a lifetime...you never know when it is happening which kind they will be. I have learned through several experiences in life a lot about friends...moving away from home at 15...going to college 3,000 miles away to a school where i knew NO ONE! Getting married to someone in the Air Force and moving a lot. All of it has taught me something. I have some amazing friends! I might not see them often...some I have no idea when or if I will see again. We stay in touch with email, phone, facebook! Some are friends that are fun to catch up with once in a while...some are people I wouldn't know what to do with if I didn't have them in my life. Some know me well, others know me too well.
I guess the point is that I have been able to take a good hard look at myself and realize who I am as a person and a friend. I am pretty good person and a pretty good friend, but there is room for improvement. I am thankful for the chance to say I am sorry to those I have hurt and to catch up with those that I simply lost in the shuffle. My life is always changing and it is nice to have consistency where I can. I hope that I can learn from my mistakes and continue to grow...
(no I am not expecting to grow in height, that shipped sailed, I own my shortness now with pride!)
So to all my friends that might take the time to read this...I love and miss each and everyone of you...I am thankful every day for your place in my life.