Saying goodbye sucks...

So I should know how it goes by now...you make friends at each assignment and at some point either you or they move onto another place. Most of the time for us it has been our friends moving away. Actually all of the time. When we were in Enid we were the very close to the Johnsons...they moved before we did as did Joe and Allison who we were lucky enough to have known from college. Then onto Abilene...the Farleys, Welches both left before us and the hardest, the Ferraris. Now here. After the first year in TPS a few close friends moved away and it was hard...but now two more years have passed and a family we have become so close to is leaving. They are only going to Vegas, so it isn't ions away, but it mine as well be when you get used to people living in walking distance.
I can remember the first day we drove onto the base and drove up to see our potential new house on Lindbergh. At the top of the hill a pretty blonde was watering her plants...I turned to Brandon and said, "I want to be friends with her". And, so it became. When we first met Tiffany had just found out she was pregnant and not feeling great. She became close to some people in the class that I was also close to and after they both moved, we started to spend more time together. Her daughter Tayla was about 20 months younger than Zach, but as time went on Baby Tayla became his friend. We would go on walks, take them to the park, have dinner together, even a few off base adventures. And over the two years they became the best of friends. As for Tiffany...well she has been a bright spot in not so bright three years. She was the first person here I told about my pregnancy with Erin...a very unexpected pregnancy that came right in the middle of us having some real issues with Zachary. She was someone I leaned on greatly through rough times with Zach. She gave me ideas of things to work on with him using her speech therapy knowledge and she was always so kind and patient with him. She helped watch Erin for me several times when Zach was getting evaluations done and Erin has fallen in love with her. Most of all Tiffany has just been a great friend. She is one of the nicest people I know and is just sweet. She has endless talents and abilities and is a great mom. I am so glad that I had the chance to know her and become friends and I hope that we are able to get together even after their move.
We had dinner tonight and I wasn't able to say goodbye...hoping for one more playdate this week. It is just too hard. I have really enjoyed my 8 years as an AF wife...but the goodbyes never get easier. With Brandon's deployment looming in the horizon her departure comes at a very hard time for me. I am so excited for her to start a new life, have a new house (with AC), and welcome their new baby boy into the world...but she will be deeply missed and so will Scott and Tayla. So...here are a few pictures of the kids over the years...sadly I just realized I have maybe one photo of her and I together...we must change that before she moves.

Hair cut day!

Ahhh...hair cut! I love my hair dresser here and will honestly be so sad to move away from her. Out of all the places we have lived and all the hairdressers I have used, she is by far my favorite, not only because of how she cuts my hair, but I just really like her. I went to town Thursday and got a magazine and started looking at ideas...love some hair styles on my favorite soap General hospital and I also found a picture of the actress Ellen Barkin whose hair I love. I just wanted to change it up, go shorter and fresher and more fun. It is hot and all I do is pull it back right now and I hate that. Plus I am not a big person for spending time on my hair, so the easier the better for me. I have finally dropped all my baby weight and have a few pounds left I would like to see go and just tone up, but over all feeling ready for a new look and better about me than I have in a while...so I chopped it...It was hair cut day around here...the boys both got theirs done at the BX too...NO cut for Erin...we are just trying to get it to grow! So that is my big excitement for the day...It is nice to have all that weight off...I have some thick hair! Here is a photo below of my after look...

It's the little things...

The saying is true...it is the little things in life that really matter. Tonight I was hanging out with Zach watching some Thomas and Friends before bed. This used to be an evening tradition and recently has disappeared. Tonight, out of the blue, he asked me if he could watch a cartoon. We had time before bed and he had been good, so sure...why not. He has been talking so much lately and not just talking...he is making sentences, asking questions, continuing conversations and just being engaged in the world of speech. It is beautiful!

Well we were cuddled up on the sofa, a personal favorite time for me. He had his head on my stomach and was stretched out on me. He sat up, looked at me in the eye and said, "I love you." Then laid his head back down. A few minutes later, he simply patted my leg and said, "I love my mommy. " Wow. I can't begin to tell you what this felt like. For most parents of a four year old boy, this might be comoon and expected. Not here. For us, this is huge. Barely a year ago my beautiful boy was about 75% echolalic...basically it means he repeated what we said to him, word for word. So, you say, I love you and he says it back, but there was nothing behind it. We were in such a scary place a year ago. Not knowing what he would be able to do...boy has he taken our expectations, hopes and dreams and blown them out of the water. I am so proud of this little boy. He has learned so much and proven so many people wrong. He is so smart. He is also loving and kind...affectionate, happy and full of life. He is social and has this whole little set of friends at both of his schools. No, he isn't "cured". But he is doing so well. He is making huge improvements. He had issues we still need to address and ones we work on with him daily...fixations and frustrations. But in one year I can't begin to tell you what I have seen. I am brought to tears of joy just thinking about it.

I am so thankful and proud to be his mom. We are blessed beyond words to have him as our son, never burdened. He has given us so much and ever day he teaches me things I needed to learn. My Zachary Jay...I love you too!

Well my last two blogs were a bit more serious, so I thought this one would be simple and have some cute photos to boot. Zach has become super interested in taking pictures with my camera lately, and actually really getting quite good at it. I snapped one of him while he was playing, otherwise they are hard to come by these days. Erin is a happy little person and I caught a cute moment of her playing with Sally...Sally has always been so good with Zachary and she is even better with Erin. Just like Zach, Erin loves Sally and most animals she has seen. It is great to see that relationship with both the kids and their pet. God love Sally...she is a pain in the butt some days, and not the smartest dog in the bunch...but she lets both of the kids love on her, pet her, bug her, you name it. I have to give her that...and she is pretty darn cute!
Zach had a fun day at preschool...Tuesdays are bounce house day and Thursday are water days in the summer. He really enjoyed the big water slide they had set up there. I stopped by to watch him play on it for a bit and he was having a ball. It was great to see. Erin stayed home with her new "nanny" who is also named Erin. She is getting to go and do fun things like trips to the park and even doing crafts...it is so much fun for her and I love feeling like I am able to give her quality experiences too. Otherwise the poor baby is trapped in my car or a stroller while I am in town for Zach's school.
We have about a week left until we leave for NC. I am excited, but a little nervous for the trip....first flight for Erin and the first time in 1 year and a half that Zach will have flown. Hopefully it will be easy and fun and thankfully I have Brandon to fly with me. It will be great to see where my parents live and have time with them and see my sister...I know the time will go by too quickly, I just hope we can all get along and enjoy the time.
Not much else to report...I will keep the post light today...I think I only have one reader at this point, so sorry Kelley I have no thought provoking ideas for the day.
Maybe something will pop in my head tomorrow...

news worthy....

I did say this blog would be to catch people up on my life and share photos, etc. I am not doing much of that...sorry! I feel the need to vent about the news today...the supreme court ruling on rape and the death penalty got me thinking....and a bit angry.
To put things into persepective...My husband is active duty military...most military members tend to lean to the right and carry more conservative views. I have a pretty liberal thinking father and have tended my life to lend more on the left. What I love about my spouse is that he can listen to my views and respect them even when he doesn't agree and most of the time we can come to common ground on things. As he has grown a little more liberal with each passing year with me, I might have grown more conservative. Although at the core of Susan I am conservative in my personal values and quite liberal in my values for others.
With that being said I was surprised today to have fallen on the side of the conservative supreme court judges and Bush nominees of all things in the ruling on child rapist and the death penalty. I worked with abused children and adults prior to becoming a stay at home mom. I have a great passion for that work and that popluation of people. I believe firmly that violence and abuse is a cycle...people learn their actions from what is done to them in most cases. Children are the most vulnerable. I am actually a liberal thinker who is for the death penalty...I know that isn't the norm. I guess I have a few thoughts on it. One...an eye for eye mentality. Simple but works for me. I have a hard time also giving people life in prison without parole...so then my tax payer money goes to giving them 3 meals a day, tv, books, time to work out, make friends, visits from family and friends and yes, time to rape again in the prison system. NO, I don't think prison is fun, it is punishment...but sometimes I think the death penalty is warrented. In this case, children brutally raped...to the point of needing surgery to repair them...don't you think that is vile enough of an act to warrant death? Yes, there is redemption and dare I use the word rehabilitation. I am not sure I believe in that. I have worked with domestic violence victims and I don't think their abusers were able to reform themselves...no 12 step program can just snap people out of that mentality that it is okay to beat the crap out of someone else.
So...I have to say I was disapointed today. I am not asking for America to become a cold place and think change isn't possible...but just saying that child rape cases across the board never would be justified in giving a death penalty...I think that was a bad call and makes me sad to think we don't value our youth more...the damage that is done in that violent act is horrible!
That is my rant for the night...

Facebook Fascination and Facing Flaws...

Okay...so I jumped on the blogging band wagon, a little late, but I did. I also have jumped on the facebook one. I signed up for an account a few months ago by invitation from a friend and put little thought into it being anything more than a place I might check once in a while. The idea of being part of a social network online didn't seem like something I needed. I really didn't think I would search people or be found by anyone. Little did I know what lay ahead for me. It has been a fascinating world...
Little by little people from my high school, especially my class showed up at my facebook doorstep. It was great to see photos of old friends and classmates, hear how people were doing, catch up and feel a little connected to them and to the old Susan. Then it became more. People I had not expected to find appeared. It has been great to learn what has happened to friends that I haven't seen or talked to in 12 and even 16 years...scarier that I am now that old...but my point is that it was a great, unexpected surprise. I have caught up with three people in particular that have made an impression...one a great friend from high school that to no one's fault we drifted apart. Mostly my lack of effort to stay in touch, but there was no fight or ending of a friendship. He is a funny guy that I always enjoyed talking to and spending time with and as the saying goes, some things don't change. Another friend was someone I had a great friendship with and lost as a friend due to me just being immature...she and I have been able to patch up some things and talked and I am thrilled to know she is well and happy. A friend I missed dearly through the years and now I can know again. No our friendship isn't the same, but at least we are in contact and that is great. The third was a great surprise...a friend from a long time ago...over 16 years since have spoken...she is someone I lost touch with for various reasons...Hearing her voice on the phone was great and knowing how she is...
Now I am not saying I now have all these amazing friends back in my life and we will talk daily, hang out and plan trips to see each other...I am not that naive anymore. I do think it is great to be able to reconnect and see how people are doing...if we are able to maintain a friendship, then even better.
The biggest thing facebook showed me was that I had to take a look at myself...why is it that I had lost touch with so many people and why some that mattered so much to me? I had to ask myself what was my role? It is hard to see your flaws sometimes when you are in the moment...but not too hard to look back as an adult and wish you would have known better. I had a lot of growing up to do in terms of maturity and insecurity. Hind sight is always 20/20.
I pride myself now on being this honest person...I don't like to hold back my feelings or thoughts and it often can get me in trouble. But, at least people know where I stand. I think I like that about myself. I wish I had more of that in me then...the ability to be okay with how I felt and not be scared to share it. To own up to mistakes and not run from them. To not quit when things got to hard. I am pretty famous for that and that isn't something I am proud of as a characteristic.
Sometimes in life there are people that are your friends for a short time or a lifetime...you never know when it is happening which kind they will be. I have learned through several experiences in life a lot about friends...moving away from home at 15...going to college 3,000 miles away to a school where i knew NO ONE! Getting married to someone in the Air Force and moving a lot. All of it has taught me something. I have some amazing friends! I might not see them often...some I have no idea when or if I will see again. We stay in touch with email, phone, facebook! Some are friends that are fun to catch up with once in a while...some are people I wouldn't know what to do with if I didn't have them in my life. Some know me well, others know me too well.
I guess the point is that I have been able to take a good hard look at myself and realize who I am as a person and a friend. I am pretty good person and a pretty good friend, but there is room for improvement. I am thankful for the chance to say I am sorry to those I have hurt and to catch up with those that I simply lost in the shuffle. My life is always changing and it is nice to have consistency where I can. I hope that I can learn from my mistakes and continue to grow...
(no I am not expecting to grow in height, that shipped sailed, I own my shortness now with pride!)
So to all my friends that might take the time to read this...I love and miss each and everyone of you...I am thankful every day for your place in my life.

We had a great trip to the beach on Saturday. Zach has been asking to go since he offically heard at school it was summer. Every day, I want to go to the beach, road 101. He has the memory of an elephant I swear. He knows all the exits to everywhere we go and remembers them forever. All you have to do is say, what exit is preschoo and he quickly replies, "37 mommy." Yes, he calls me mommy now for all you that knew us the Rarry phase.

It was a great day and an easy trip, 1 1/2 hours from here to Malibu. I didn't see any celebrities though. :) The kids both had fun walking the beach and getting wet...however the water is cold and that is never the most fun to play in. I am spoiled for life after spending each summer on the North Carolina coast with powder white sand and warm water...this was great, but I would take those beaches any day! We stayed and played and enjoyed our family time. I am quickly realizing how little time we have left before September is upon us...It looms over family time and puts things into perspective. The kids are both going to miss Brandon like crazy...he is a good dad and really has been very involved in thier lives, especially this last year. It will be hard on all of us to have him gone, but I know we will be okay and make it through stronger.

No big plans for the week...just survive the heat and hope the AC holds on...it has been cutting out a lot lately and no matter who we get to look at it, no one has really fixed it. Always something...well Zach is off on his white van to speech school, so I am off to enjoy some Erin time and get the house cleaned up...More photos to come later this week...

starting something new....

I am notorious for sending out mass emails to my friends with nine million pictures of the kids and information about our latest life moments. I am sure half of the people on the list could care less and would love to spam my emails all together...so I decided this might be a better venue for the long updates and photos. A friend of mine actually mentioned to me in the fall that I should start a blog. I have since gotten into reading hers and a few others online and I admit, it intrigues me, but I never had the time to sit down and do it. My goal with this is simply to keep people I care about updated, share moments and pictures and give myself a place to write it all down. Being far away from friends and family can be hard in that respect. I feel like I don't get to share so much with people I love. I hate that.
I spoke to one of my best friends on the phone today...a total rarity for me to take the time to call a girl friend these days and just talk. I honestly just wanted to hear her voice and to know what she was doing. I miss her. She isn't a big fan of email and I use email too much. I think I allow myself to be lazy with communicating in this day and age...and email is easier, quicker and honestly I don't have to wait for a response...just push send. I know that is awful, but we all get busy and don't have the time we once did. So, honestly taking the time to call her, talk to her, laugh, hear her kids in the background, have her hear mine...it was great. I haven't ever met her twins who are almost three and she hasn't met my youngest who is about to be one. We used to live a few houses around the corner when our husbands were stationed at Dyess AFB in TX. Now we live on opposite coasts and I feel like I have missed out on so much of their lives. Hearing her voice and talking reminded me that with real friends none of that matters...we are simply friends and will be. As I get older those friends seem harder to come by...real friends. Maybe it is the moving to new places every few years. Moving to places that are solely about Brandon's job and where he has an instant connection with others at work. Maybe it is being a stay at home mom and not have a job of my own where I have that common bond with people. I am not sure. It is just harder than I remember.
So a long story short...this will hopefully be a place I can post information about the kids and Brandon and maybe even myself...share photos and events in our lives with people I care about. If nothing else it is a chance to write down my thoughts and reflect on the day or week. I will give it a shot.