Well, well, well...

So for those of you that checked this again and again and it was the same old post...SORRY!  I am a bit in shock that it was such a long time since my last post.  I don't have some amazing story of why I dropped off the blogging planet for months.  One thing snowballed into another and before I knew it felt like too much to catch up and I honestly didn't want to even try.  So now, I am feeling guilty and neglectful and overwhelmed and sort of willing to try...I will do my best to catch you up on my summer and life as we know it now, almost in September.

Our summer was honestly great...We had several bumps in the road, but we are as always looking back with lessons learned and happy we are on the other side.
So...Here is the run down...Erin had her 4th birthday on June 18th and a great birthday party planned at J&R gymnastics where she used to take dance, then gymnastics...well things didn't go as planned on a lot of levels.  A huge accident happend on I-35 that backed up traffic so badly that some people basically made it to the last ten minutes of the party.  We had to have the party at the time we scheduled since another party was due after us, so we lost a ton of the play time and it stunk for the kids, us and all around.  Durning the party a friend of Erin's fell and broke her arm...oh yes, at the party.  So we offered to watch their son while they took her to the ER.  I forgot the candle and all cake cutting items...it was just one of those days.  But Erin had fun and was none the wiser to the many issues.  After the party Brandon and Erin went to the base for a father daughter dance and I watched Nathan and Zach and tried to pack....I was about to go out of town alone for a week...
Her party and great group of friends...minus the two boys in the middle (Zach and Nathan), they are all her age...she is tiny!

But, super tough!

 On her new bike!

 Showing us her age!

 Yeah Erin....so sad she now doesn't want to do gymnastics...fickle little girl.

 With her dad on date night...can you tell she was excited?

So the next day, father's day, I left and went home to NC to see my parents...my mom was having surgery that monday and I was lucky enough to be able to go home.  It turned out to be perfect timing...I went back a week I had enrolled the kids in a summer camp at Erin's preschool.  They both would go Tues-Fri from 9-3.  Brandon would only have to take off Monday and be done with work at 3...The kids had a great week at the camp and home alone with dad.  Brandon learned a lot about our kids, me and as the saying goes, you appreciate people when you walk in their shoes.  I am just so thankful he was willing and able to do this for me, so I could be with my mom.  Her surgery went well, but the recovery was hard.  She is still recovering to be honest.  I stayed with her in the hospital and so glad I did.  While she was drugged a lot of the first day and doesn't remember much, I am glad I was there to be her voice and make sure she was okay.  I am so thankful I had that chance to do for her what she has done for me so many times.  

I came back to TX and got back into the groove of mom and a busy summer with crazy kids.  Zach's therapies were crazy this summer and not as structured as they should have been.  We did double up his OT and speech, but it made for a lot of driving for me and long waits...we did three VBS camps....the kids loved them all and learned so much. It was so wonderful to hear the conversations at home about God, loving themselves and others...I am glad we did them and look forward to more in the future.  We did a lot of days at the pool and are so thankful we have a neighborhood pool.  A must here in Texas (it was 111 yesterday here and 107 today, it is a touch hot).  We had a lot of play dates and fun things to fill our days.  We also had a lot of time to hang out and just enjoy each other.  All of it good.  As always the lack of structure and boredom is hard on Zach as the weeks go on, but he did really well and I learned a lot.  I have no July 4th photos to share, fireworks were cancelled and we didn't even tell the kids...they were fine with a day at the pool. 

At the end of July we headed to NC for the second year in a row.  We drove again, which we are so thankful we did.  It is a great opportunity to see the country and enjoy our time. Honestly, we do love it.  We went to Atlantic Beach, NC (yes the place that just got hit by Irene).  We went there a lot when I was a little girl and it really is my favorite place...I love that island...I love the whole area really.  I can't help but say I love NC and enjoy going back.  We had a great week at the beach this year...we did new things we didn't do last year and both kids enjoyed it so much. Erin finally became a fan of the beach, the ocean, the water...YEAH!  I loved our week.  Now I must figure out to curb my shopping issues and ebay enough to be able to buy a house there when we retire. :) 

Here are some pictures...

My boy...he loves the beach as much as I do....maybe more. :)

 She was getting warmed up...

 Dinner out...

 Mini golf at the condo complex...it was a great place.

 I am happiest at the beach...

 Erin and I at the pool...it was an awesome pool...

 With a waterslide!

 The girls!

 Me and my handsome boy....

 My dad and Zachary touring Fort Macon...

 Zachary....

 OH my Erin...she is a nut!

 She loved the tubes, but not the slide....

 He was trying to surf on his boogie board I think...

 My daughter is in the ocean...one of the best moments of the trip!

 Another fabulous moment...my son tasted and LOVED souther pork bbq!  My very favorite and he is a fan...life is good!

 I swear I am just a happy person at the beach with southern food in my belly. ;)

 One of the many horses that live wild on the outer banks of NC...a very favorite memory too, getting to see them with the kids.

 Our trip to Cape Lookout Lighthouse.  So beautiful!  The boys climbed to the top and took a tour...Erin was too young, so we hung at the beach...

 And my daughter played in the water with me the whole time.

 Dad and Zach on the top of the lighthouse.  Such a cool memory.

 My favorite photo....He loves the beach.  I love the beach.  I love him...Nothing better than time spent there with him...I cherish the memories we made and the time we have there and look forward to the chance to go back again and again...

 My gorgeous kids!  Inside and Out...

 Me and my mini me as she is often called...a very fun age!

 My special boy...

 A favorite sight of mine since I was little...colorful umbrellas lining the beautiful Atlantic Beach.

 And we were lucky enough to have my parents drive down for a few days to say hi...They both didn't feel great, but made such an effort for us and we appreciated it so much.

After the beach we headed back to NC for a week...I will have to upload those photos tomorrow and share some fun from that trip.  We stayed for a week while Brandon went home to TX and then we got to all drive back when he was nice enough to fly back to NC...

We returned to get back into the swing and start school...and haven't stopped since...

Tomorrow I will post some NC part 2 photos...stay tuned....

Summer time...

Sorry...no pictures tonight...I know, most of you check in for photos, but I just haven't been good about taking them the past two weeks...
I am happy to say that we are staying very busy this summer and I am glad I made some changes in my plans for the summer...opting to be more "free" with our plans.  It was a hard transition on week one for Zachary, I can't lie. He basically imploded.  I had taken down the daily schedule and since we had no set day to day plan, just had the big family month calendar up for him to view.  Our days are all different.  Monday he has Occupational therapy for an hour at 1, then ABA at home from 4-6.  Tuesday (year round) Speech and OT from 4-5...Thursday at 4:30 we have piano.  Add in some fun play dates at the pool, the Y, birthday parties...we were busy.  But I didn't stop and think about his needs as much as I usually would have.  I think I got complacent.  We are in a "good" spot with him in many ways...so I was not expecting the worst as I used to do on a daily basis.
Well, the poor guy needed more.  We went to the Y a lot of AMs in a row, for me to work out and let them play.  His play area is not as structured or adult supervised and therefor a hard place for him to stay for a while and still be focused when we are done. I can't stop my Y time, it is a big part of life for me now and I love it/need it...but he needs stuff too.
So the next day, after massive implosion of my son...we started using a dry erase board...a small 8 x10 one, and writing that days schedule on it...we are careful to leave quiet/nap time in there and time to flex a plan if we need to, but for the most part, we make the schedule and try to stick to it.  It helped a lot.  This week they are at VBS at our church....we love our church, so it is nice to send them there for their first VBS experience.  So far, day one, so good.
We have had some fun pool play dates with a few friends so far...it is nice to have the chance this summer to do that and enjoy our friends, the pool and summer vacation to the fullest.  I can't believe how much I am enjoying it.
Erin will be 4 this weekend, I am not sure how I feel. Part of me is sad that she is getting to be such a big girl and my baby is growing up. She is a sweet, sensitive soul, full of smiles, imagination, silliness and energy. She changed our lives and has been a blessing like no other.  We are so thankful for her every day, even days she tags her room gangster style with a ball point pen and almost makes me ebay her.  Even then.  I will always say, Zach is my purpose and she is my gift. I will forever feel like this and be grateful for these two amazing kids.
I had an AH HA moment today while at Zach's therapy. I had two moms in there with me that were newer to the therapy, diagnosed kid on the spectrum world. I was the wiser mom that had been there, done that and had a kid doing really well.  It was odd to me to be that lady, but as I was talking I realized, we have been at this for more than half his life now.  At 3 he got the diagnosis...two weeks out from Erin's scheduled c-section we went to UCLA for the painful, gut wrenching, I never talked about, evaluation.  We were told to do, A, B and C and come back in 6 months.  In the mean time we took him to get another evaluation...awful place and horrible person that made me feel so hopeless....then the school on base did an evaluation...the full monty to test for autism.  I was ready to know, I thought. I sat in the IEP, with baby Erin in my arms and was told he tested on the Autism spectrum...You think you can prepare yourself for those moments.  But, you can't.  It hurt.  As I looked down at my new baby in my arms and thought about my other baby who was off at a friends house, I honestly thought, how will I do this.  Will we have a "normal" life.  Will he be okay.  Will he date, be married, have a good life.  Then I got to bussiness.  I figured out no one there was going to give me shit.  15 minutes of speech twice a week was what I got.  So I read book after book.  Found a speech therapist in town that rocked and got Tricare to approve it. Drove him 45 minutes each way to a private preschool to let him be around his peers and then the other three days be at his PPCD program on base for special ed.  We got more evaluations and tried to do a lot at home...floor time, flash cards, breaking habits, setting limits...it was hard.  But, as I have said with the AF life of moving and deployments...it isn't a can do attitude, it is a have to do one.  He is my baby, therefor I just have to suck it up and do it.
After talking to two moms today I realized what a different place I am in that I was 4 years ago.  I also realized I might never have been in their place. I welcomed the diagnosis.  I longed for the help in learning how to understand him, get him to enjoy his life to the fullest and be all that I knew he could be. I felt strange today being the wise mom that I had been there, done that.  That isn't me. But in fact, it might be in some ways.  We have been at this a while.  Erin knows nothing else than this life...Zach I am sure doesn't either.  We adapted to this life and it is know what we know and I wouldn't change it if I could.  I am so proud of him.  All he has accomplished, achieved and learned.  The person he is. He has grown so much in the past 4 years. Leaps and Bounds!!!  I wouldn't change him if I could.  He has made me a better mom, a better person and changed my life in ways I can't articulate.
No he isn't cured. We aren't out of the woods.  We still have a long road ahead with changes and bumps I am sure.  He will have Autsim for the rest of his life.  But he copes with it daily and is thriving in so many ways.  We as a family are.  Four years...amazing how much your life can change in such a short time and how looking back you can't imagine living it any other way.

Zach's Birthday!

It is really hard to believe he is 7.  I see the changes, the growth, the progress each day...I know how hard he has worked over the past few years and how much he has really grown up in so many ways.  It doesn't go unnoticed by me, not for a minute.  But, as wonderful as it all is, it is hard to see my baby growing up too.  

He had a fantastic birthday and for that I am thrilled...he has been so excited, for months, about turning 7.  I promised him if he learned to tie his shoes he could have a laser tag birthday party. I think bribery is awesome...he can tie his shoes.  He had a great party and a lot of people came...almost everyone he invited came and most of all the kids he really cares about and likes came...that was the best part.  Some you know are there just because it is a party, but some, they come for the child and we knew who those were.  

He had a big day...his exact words as I walked into his class holding cupcakes, "This is the best day ever mom". He had lost his first tooth at lunch the Friday (the 20th), before his birthday.  He was the last child in his class to lose a tooth, he was over the moon.  He bit into an apple at lunch and I guess it became super loose and a teacher helped pull it.  He was grinning ear to ear...photos below.  

We took him out to Texas Roadhouse for dinner per his request...he loves their steak bites. My horrible eater is now a picker eater, but a good eater...if he likes it, watch out.  He got to ride the saddle while he was sung happy birthday...Photo below also...he had a blast!!!!  

Brandon and I talked a lot about our special boy...we laughed and joked and I cried too.  It is amazing to me how far he has come, especially the last 3-4 years.  He is a remarkable little boy.  I won't say we haven't been challenged, but we have been given so much more in return.  He is really a joy in every sense of the word.  He is full of light, smiles and love. He is so excited to do things and always giving huge hugs.  He is my buddy and a good person.  I am thankful every day for the gift of him in my life. More than anything else in my life, he has given me a purpose and brought more joy to my life than I had thought possible.  I am forever thankful that I was given the honor to be his mom.  I hope he always knows how much he is loved and how thankful I am for him. 

Here is the fabulous birthday in photos!!!

Me and the birthday boy!

     Lucky me with both my babies...

 The boys

 He had a blast!

 Showing off his tooth.

 Yes, he was super excited!

 Having his class sing to him...

 Mrs. Sides First grade...

 He loved his huge # 7 balloon...

 Not the cake I ordered, but the one we got...still cute and tasted good.

 At laser legend.

 Making a big wish!

 Atta boy!

 You did it.

 You are 7...hope this year is all you dreamed and more!

Just need to say it...

Getting older really is starting to be something I think about...I NEVER thought I would be saying this at 34.  I am the person that only 3 years ago in California got ID'd on my birthday dinner with my husband, ordering wine.  I usually have people say, "No way." when I tell them my age, most assuming I am still in my twenties.  So why I am having a crisis now?
Reality check.  I am not 20 anymore.  My body for sure isn't.  I have been so good for the last few months going to the gym...joining a gym was awesome enough, but I went to it.  I have been eating well (I am a decent eater as it is).  But still I am 8 lbs more than I was when we moved here two years ago and more than I want to be.  I am stuck.  I gave up soda this week....for the 100th time in my life, but hey, I am all about try, try, try again.
I am so done with doing all this work and seeing no results that I told Brandon it was time for him to deploy...nothing drops the pounds like the deployment diet.  I would take up smoking again, except for the fact that most ex smokers learn to hate smoking and the smell of it...I think it is how you convince yourself to stop...so that road is closed.  I would love to find the metabolism fairy that came in the night one birthday and stole my friend.  I had good metabolism....that bitch gave me no warning and now I am here, in the land of I want to lose 5-10 pounds that most women dwell in once they get to be a certain again...it is not the land I had signed up for or thought I would arrive at right now.  Yes, I am bitter.  But, I am continuing to suffer and try to lose this darn jiggle and pudge.  I do however wish all seats were either higher up or cushioned so the day after body pump wasn't so painful for me.
Several friends here are going to the gym with me and have more to lose than me...I know they think I am whining and being silly, but really I refuse to go up a size in clothes, I refuse to feel yucky.  One friend even started those HCG shots...she lost 22 pounds and was only 8 pounds heavier than me when she started...if they didn't sounds scary and not FDA approved, I would say sign me up.
So now, I get ready to head back to the gym, suffer some more and hope for the best.  Is this what being in your 30's means. Constantly looking in the mirror and finding new things to work on...Well I refuse to take this sitting down...basically because I can't today after being tortured in body pump yesterday...I will keep fighting and hoping one day I will see results or my metabolism again. If you see me and I am hunched over eating motrin don't be shocked. :)

Mother's Day 2011

We had a nice mother's day this year....nothing fancy, but very nice.  We headed to church in the morning. I actually teared up because the sermon was really great. After, I went and got a pedicure and did some errands.  Ironically I did most of the kids birthday shopping. Then we had a wonderful brunch at the O'Club on base.  It was nice and I felt so blessed to have a great family on such a special day.  Many people dream of growing up to have a certain job, but I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  I am so glad my dreams came true and I have two awesome children who I adore.  I couldn't have asked for more and not one day goes by that I don't know how blessed I am.  I am very thankful!

Best Buddies

I can't lie, I am pretty lucky that Zach and Erin love each other so much. It has really always been this way...even when they fight and bicker, all siblings do that, they still get along better than I could have hoped.  Most days they fight because someone took a toy, or broke a toy or is using a toy...you get the idea.  But when they are left to play alone and given free reign to do what they want, I often find things like this...

Zach busy building a lego creation after church last weekend and Erin lined up all of her stuffed animals to be his audience. Sweet moments...moments I really treasure.  I know that in our life, with moves in our future that will be more frequent, this friendship is so important.  I am thankful for it every day.