Thursday, May 19, 2011

Just need to say it...

Getting older really is starting to be something I think about...I NEVER thought I would be saying this at 34.  I am the person that only 3 years ago in California got ID'd on my birthday dinner with my husband, ordering wine.  I usually have people say, "No way." when I tell them my age, most assuming I am still in my twenties.  So why I am having a crisis now?
Reality check.  I am not 20 anymore.  My body for sure isn't.  I have been so good for the last few months going to the gym...joining a gym was awesome enough, but I went to it.  I have been eating well (I am a decent eater as it is).  But still I am 8 lbs more than I was when we moved here two years ago and more than I want to be.  I am stuck.  I gave up soda this week....for the 100th time in my life, but hey, I am all about try, try, try again.
I am so done with doing all this work and seeing no results that I told Brandon it was time for him to deploy...nothing drops the pounds like the deployment diet.  I would take up smoking again, except for the fact that most ex smokers learn to hate smoking and the smell of it...I think it is how you convince yourself to stop...so that road is closed.  I would love to find the metabolism fairy that came in the night one birthday and stole my friend.  I had good metabolism....that bitch gave me no warning and now I am here, in the land of I want to lose 5-10 pounds that most women dwell in once they get to be a certain again...it is not the land I had signed up for or thought I would arrive at right now.  Yes, I am bitter.  But, I am continuing to suffer and try to lose this darn jiggle and pudge.  I do however wish all seats were either higher up or cushioned so the day after body pump wasn't so painful for me.
Several friends here are going to the gym with me and have more to lose than me...I know they think I am whining and being silly, but really I refuse to go up a size in clothes, I refuse to feel yucky.  One friend even started those HCG shots...she lost 22 pounds and was only 8 pounds heavier than me when she started...if they didn't sounds scary and not FDA approved, I would say sign me up.
So now, I get ready to head back to the gym, suffer some more and hope for the best.  Is this what being in your 30's means. Constantly looking in the mirror and finding new things to work on...Well I refuse to take this sitting down...basically because I can't today after being tortured in body pump yesterday...I will keep fighting and hoping one day I will see results or my metabolism again. If you see me and I am hunched over eating motrin don't be shocked. :)

1 comment:

Kelley said...

Hi there...I feel your pain girl. I was at that 10 pound up place and hated it. I used the Eat Clean Stripped plan to lose the ten pounds in 28 days, and it worked. Ten pounds exactly, and now I just have to maintain. The eating plan is pretty strict, so you'd have to be pretty motivated. No dairy, bread, pasta, junk for 28 days. But, you won't be hungry, because you still eat 5 times a day. You might look into it...