Happiness is...

Edwards AFB in my rear view mirror! 

(see photo below)

 I had wanted to buy this shirt for 4 years and finally did and had the occasion to wear it as we drove off the base for the last time on June 19th.  Oh yeah!  Sadly for Edwards they sell this at the BX, so that should tell you that I am not the only one with this poor opinion of the place.  I am working to get the house in order so I can take photos of it to post on here too.  We had some bad luck with a few things and finally are starting to make progress...the second truck came today...we pulled all the plants and flowers out of the yard today, they all were dead!  The water restrictions, lack of rain and fact our landlord didn't have anyone take care of it left it all dead. So we have some yard work to do, but I love that stuff, so I am glad to do that as soon as I get the chance.  I look forward to planting flowers and working on that part of the house.  The boxes are slowly disappearing, things being hung on the wall and some semblance of life is occurring here....Kids are signed up for swim lessons starting tomorrow night and Tumbling starting next Tuesday night.  Each one has a class, so it will be fun for both...found a great place near the house that does both.  Civilization has perks!  Got Erin enrolled in Kids Day Out at the United Methodist Church in Schertz...had such good luck with Zach at a Methodist school in CA, thought it would work here too...Kitchen is painted and we will be working on Zach's pink room next. :)  He has been patient about it.  I love the 2 story floor plan...the kids can have fun and go nuts upstairs and I don't even care. :)  Plus going up and down is going to help me tone up I think!  All in all things are good...meeting people and enjoying being back in Texas so far...one week down and I am still smiling a lot more than I did in Edwards.  Here is the photo of me in my shirt. ;) 

Here we go from TEXAS!

Okay...so here is my first blog from Texas...

I haven't had a chance to upload any photos yet, so that will have to happen later and I promise to get to it soon.  Life has been busy and crazy since we rolled into town last Monday...

We left Edwards on Friday around 12:30...way later than we had hoped, but had some last minute stuff we had to get done...still not really able to grasp I don't live there, this is my new home, my new neighborhood, my new life...sort of feel on vacation but in chaos.  :) 

We left and got to Arizona late...saw my parents briefly...we would have normally just gone to the hotel, but with Zach you can't always change plans and be as flexible, so we had a short visit, hit the hotel and my kids were in bed super late again...about 2 weeks of 10 PM bedtimes...not good.  We had a great Saturday at the hotel (the Princess where I used to work and that was behind my parents house there).  Played at the pool and had a nice day.  Sunday we again got on the road much too late.  2:30 by the time we got going.  We headed to Las Cruces...I was bummed we were running too late to stop in Tucson and visit friends or the school.  I had a bit of a tear in my eyes as we drove through town...oh I miss Tucson.  On to Las Cruces...again got there super late, super tired and crabby.  Had a bit of bad luck, we call Miller luck...placed a bag on the embankment and it was covered with ants when I went to carry it upstairs...I was bit all over my arm and leg...as Brandon put it, I react violently to bug bites...anyone who has seen me after a mosquito bite knows this.  So I was a mess and uncomfortable as hell all night.  Drove on the next day to our next stop Fort Stockton...got there around 2 and it was a dump...I told Brandon keep driving.  So we pushed on to San Antonio...Got here around 7:30 and went to the house...now the fun begins...

We had hoped to put Sally in her kennel in the house, so we called the property manager...he met us there and we went in to find a messy (filthy) house.  We had expected this from a previous call from the PM, but still not a great first impression. I was mad, Brandon was mad and we had a day to get it ready for the movers to show up on Wednesday.  Ugh.  We did get it done and cleaned, but it was not a good talk with the people we are renting from and our PM quit.  Fun.  We got our stuff delivered Wednesday...the kids and I stayed away most of the day since our movers were a shady crew...seriously!  Everything here except for some baskets and a stroller, so that is good...

Moved in Thursday....I stayed here all night Wednesday unpacking...I didn't sleep, but got a ton done minus kids and glad I did.  We still have a lot of things to organize and painting to do...but so far things are much more in place than they were a few days ago.  Zach's room is pink, so plan to paint that blue soon...Kitchen was green and orange, so we are making it the same neutral color as the living room...other rooms will stay the same color for now.  Our yard is all dead...no sprinkler system and no rain here....fabulous.  SO that will need to be tackled too, but most of our stuff that is on the second truck is for the yard and not here yet.  So...hopefully that truck gets here soon.  

The house is awesome for the most part.  Huge to us after years in base houses.  Kids are loving the space, the stairs and the room to roam.  I am loving it too.  I hope to get pictures taken and up on here soon...

We have a nice neighborhood pool up the street and some nice neighbors we have already met.  I feel happier than I have in a long time...I think just being out of Edwards lifted my spirits.  I was just so unhappy there in so many ways, about so many things.  Honestly I miss nothing for me...I do miss everything for Zach...his "team" of people that loved him and took such great care of him...I miss them all so much and I know he misses them.  He misses school and his life, but he has told us he loves it here.  Both kids have handled this so well and I think that has helped me. I am hopeful we will get back to normal soon...

Tomorrow is DMV day for us!  I have a dental appointment on Tuesday night.  Pest control, other truck arrival all should happen too.  Brandon to start work this week as well.  I have some calls to make to the Tricare person here to get Zach's behavioral set up and also head to the school I found for Erin to check it out and pay her registration fee.  So...a lot to do and I am ready to get started and settled. 

So...we are here!!!  Texas really is more my kind of place.  People here are so much more friendly...I am glad to be back and excited for our life here.  

Bumps in the road...

This will be brief as I am typing from the TLFs using dial-up since they don't have high speed Internet...shocking i know. This is Edwards people. The TLFs are actually nice...very big, pet friendly house, that is converted to a TLF. It is actually nicer and bigger than our first house on base in some ways. That part is going well.
Poor Zach now has a cough, I shared it with him and he asked if I would take it back.
Brandon has been at the house every night late. First painting the rooms back, then with the movers...oh the fun.
Erin and Zach are handling the change pretty well, but we had two big goodbyes in two days and I am sure once it sinks in, they will be sad. Yesterday we said goodbye to Taeja who has been working with Zach...a behaviorist...she is wonderful and has been a big help to him and to me. He adores her and really seemed to hit it off with her on day one...she was firm and fun and all that he needed...only wish it hadn't taken us so darn long to get the approval from the insurance and to start the therapy. She had a rough time getting my shy one Erin to warm up, but once Erin did she loved her too...Erin started to say her name and ask for her...so cute. We will miss her...I am so glad we had the chance to work with her and only pray we get someone as good in Texas that all of us click with.
Today we said goodbye to Erin...Big Erin as the kids call her...oh it was hard. I wanted to stay strong for the kids, it is harder for them when they see my crying and upset. So I didn't cry there, waiting until I saw Brandon and my empty house and cried. Erin has been a HUGE part of our lives for the past year and I honestly could NOT have made it through the deployment if not for her help. She was wonderful, sweet, loving and fun...the kids both adore her. I can't think of many memories this past year that she hasn't been a part of with us. I will always be thankful to her doing so much for us. Little Erin was sad driving away...she waved and said bye big Erin, I love you...heartbreaking for me.
My cell phone died Monday, revived by Brandon only to die again today...so I am without a phone and will be getting one in town tonight since I need one for the drive. Ugh...such as life. A big pain in the butt though when we have no home phone and are doing so much back and forth from the old house and TLFs.
Oh and the move...fun stuff...Our packers came Monday...did a great job from the part I saw, but I now think they might have been box and paper happy...sounds great, but takes more space on the truck and more to unpack on the other end....fun. So the kids and I stayed for the morning and left at 12 to meet Taeja at the TLF. They packed a ton though and were quick. Mover came the next day at 2 and said he planned to load early...looked at our stuff and said, wow that is a lot more than I had thought. Great...Well it all didn't fit on the truck. Don't freak out mom and dad, we only get part of a moving truck...since one half was full so we had the other half to use. I freaked out when Brandon called at 10 PM to tell me we weren't going to have it all on one truck and some was in the garage to be picked up later...ugh. Luckily the second truck came this AM loaded up the extra stuff, mostly garage items and it will head to TX at some point and be there by the 29th...just sucks to have to plan two delivery days. Oh well...trying to not be as mad as I was last night when I first heard. We are allowed 14000 pounds and initial weight was below 12000 of the first load, so we are good...I think we just have very well packed items. :)
So...now we are in the TLFs again today, Erin napping, Zach driving me nuts and Brandon cleaning the house...Sally confused and pacing and me just all over the place with emotions...fingers crossed that the truck(s) get there and all is in one piece.

The Infamous Ms. Fabi

Happy Boy all ready for School the last day!!!!

Saying goodbye to Ms. Fabi was hard...very hard. More for me than Zach since I get the fact this is goodbye and we won't be seeing her again at school...she is wonderful and I am so thankful we had this time with her...

Here is the view I have of Zach while driving to school each day...checking out his atlas. He reads that think all the time in the car...so cute!

Picture before school in the parking lot...
Walking to his room, # 6.

Playing with his friends...duck, duck, goose!

It was all girls the last day....

Ms Fabi....oh we will miss her!

She will miss him too! Big Hugs!

Graduation from Pre -K (PUMP)

Wednesday night was Zach's graduation in Palmdale from PUMP...Palmdale United Methodist Preschool. It is a regular church preschool. He has been going there since August 2007...I remember the day I registered him, I was a few weeks from giving birth to Erin and feeling so overwhelmed with the evaluations we were doing on him. I was scared about everything...how would I commit to a 45 minute drive each way with a newborn. How fair would it be for her and what would we do for almost 4 hours in town. How would he do in preschool? Would I get him potty trained? I asked for them to put him in the 2 year old classroom as a 3 year old since his verbal skills were about 18 months behind at that time and he wasn't potty trained...unlike any school in the area I contacted, they said yes. They we very willing to work with me and reassured me that a lot of the things I was concerned about would work themselves out on their own...I was anything but convinced. I spent his first day at school parked in the parking lot watching him on the playground. I sat outside his class at lunch and listened. I was not sure about any of it.
Over time I saw the changes...he loved school, was making friends and seemed to be communicating more and more at home. He moved to the 3 room after Christmas with Ms. Jennifer...he did so well in there. He made some great friends and really started to connect with kids. I saw big improvements. He learned to rid a bike before Christmas break...all due to the fact they had bikes on the playground and he watched others do it...we had tried for a year at home with no success to even get him to sit on one. He was changing and it was beautiful. By the time his birthday rolled around I planned a huge party and invited his class...it was awesome. He had so much fun and was just so engaged that whole night. He went to summer school there last summer too...oh the fun they had.
Then he started in the 4 year old room this fall...with Ms. Fabi. I spent several weeks watching and talking to the 4 year old room teachers and really liked her, but was being told to ask for someone else. In the end he was placed in a room with a teacher I had a bad vibe with...I asked to change him and after several calls he was. I am thrilled I stuck to my guns. She has been the best thing for him. She is the perfect mix of strict, firm, disciplined and loving, compassionate and sweet. She is super organized and clean and she has so much fun playing with the kids. He adores her and so do I. We told her about Brandon's deployment and how he might have a rocky start to the year or even a few months in...she was totally supportive of it all and always asked me how I was doing. Zach grew in leaps and bounds this year. His speech, his social skills, his confidence, his academics...all of it. I know he has had a lot of influences and all are so vital to who he is and who has become, but I do know that Ms. Fabi has been someone that he needed in his life and she has impacted him greatly. My son loves school...the learning as much as the fun and I owe a lot of that to her.
I am so thankful to this school for all they have done. The fact that they opened their hearts and doors to him when a lot of other places said no. They gave him a chance, and that is all he needed to prove himself. I hope that he is given many more chances in life by people like this. It has made all the difference.
So without further ado...here are the graduation pictures...it was hard to get good ones due to the lighting in the chapel...Also did a video and ordered one from the school...so we will see how those turn out too...
Erin and Erin...So glad she joined us that night.
Zach enjoying after graduation cake...

Miss Priss...she was all about the cake.

Zach's best friend Luc. They started in Ms. Jennifer's class together in January '08. He is a sweet boy...every morning we got there after Luc and each day he greeted Zach with a huge hug. OH they will miss each other a lot.

Hugging goodbye since Luc wasn't going to the last day of school...

Leaving the church after getting his diploma...behind his two pals, Luc and Montique.

Dark...walking down the aisle to get his diploma....oh my big boy. He was full of huge smiles and looked so proud.

Lined up waiting to go in the church...SMILES!

That face...I just couldn't love him more...

Getting ready to do their class song...Going on A Bear Hunt...we could hear him singing in the back of the church...he did great!

I cried a lot that night...tears of joy...seeing how far he has come and how big he is. Seeing how much he enjoyed the experience and how happy he was. I cried because I am sad to see it end....this phase in his life, the wonderful year we have had with him of many great moments, big success and changes. I am sad to say goodbye to a school that has supported him and I so much from day one...sad Erin won't get to attend there as well. But I know there are good things ahead...I just am not the best at saying goodbye and closing chapters in my life...while my time at Edwards has been less than good for me, I will forever be thankful to this school for giving me so much...they opened up a lot of doors for Zach and the joy of making friends, loving school and learning....PUMP will be missed!

Congratulations Graduate Zachary!

Waiting for the white van for the last day....

Last Wednesday was his last at Boron Elementary...he had been going there all year 3 days a week for a special ed preschool program. He had been at Bailey Elementary on base the year before. He loved his teacher Miss Helen and one student in the class so much...he will miss them dearly. He also really loved that he got to ride on a van to school. Going to Boron is about 25 minutes from our house in another town off base. I was scared to death the first day the van took him to Bailey which was less than a mile from my old house on base....so Boron was hard. He had a great Van driver this year who was so sweet and made me feel safe and he had a blast riding on the van with his friends. White Van 42 he used to call it...Here are some photos of him waiting for the van the last day...

Last night with Miss Gerry...

Tonight was our last night with Miss Gerry and so very bittersweet. I added some pictures on here of her and Zach...she has been a big part of his life here and of the progress he has made. We miss her greatly...not just the therapy she provided our child, but the warmth and kindness that she gave to him along with support and encouragement to Brandon and I.
Miss Gerry is someone that is sweet and kind...no other words fit. She scared me a bit when I first met her because she is just so proper and nice. She also worked with Zach from the first moment on all aspects of his communication. As a parent it can be hard to watch your child go through these therapies in the beginning. You don't really get the therapist yet and it is sometimes painful to watch them make your child change the way they say and do things...even though it is for the better, you know it is hard for your child. Miss Gerry won me over pretty quickly. When Zach came to her he was starting to talk more and more on his own, but still had a lot of deficits in his speech and his communication. The summer Erin was born, 2007, he was very echolalic...most of his speech was repeating. By the time he met Miss Gerry in January he had been in preschool in Palmdale for a 5 months and had been at the speech school on base for 2 months. So the socializing was starting to make changes in his speech, but we had some big work to do. He was unable to answer questions. Still often referred to himself in the 3rd person. Didn't answer yes or no questions past they yes or no. Very simple phrases were the majority of his speech.
Miss Gerry was amazing for several reason. I loved her patience and sweetness with Zach. She seemed to get him right away and saw things in him that it usually took other people a while to notice. She always was willing to adjust and adapt to help him be comfortable and to learn the most. She pushed him, but knew when to stop and give him a break. She truely cared about him and he about her. She gave us so much....she literally showed me and taught me ways to play with him. Funny to say that since you should know how to play with a child, but I had to learn a new way to play with Zach that made him want to play with him and initiated speech in the play. She gave me insights and pointed me in the direction of different things to try. She was always supportive and understanding. She noticed how smart he was right away and has been blown away with the things he can learn and how much he can grasp.
Tonight was hard. I know it is a good time for us to leave and we are going to bigger and better things in so many ways. Leaving people that have meant so much to us is very difficult. I am so thankful to her and all she has given to us. I gave her a photo of him in his cap and gown from his school picture...one day I plan to send his one from high school and then college. She will be so proud. I hope we are blessed with more Miss Gerry's in our future...

Zach and Miss Gerry playing....
The three of us...if you wanted to know where I was every Wednesday night for the past year and a half...well there it is!

You can tell they love each other! She will be deeply missed...

Making Brownies

Just wanted to share some photos of the kids making brownies last week. When Zach's behaviorist came over one day we wanted to do something to include both of the kids. They both enjoy baking projects, so we picked brownies...it was fun and as you can see they both enjoyed it a lot. :)

Licking the bowl really is the best part!

update...

Well Zach had his last day at "speech" school (the district special ed pre-school in Boron) on Wednesday.  I was worried he would be more upset today when he got up and no school, but seems like he was prepared and handled it well...he also had his behaviorist come by early and that helped.  She was here for about 2 hours. So far that has been going well for him and for me. I am really enjoying the feedback I am getting on things that are working, ways to change, shift and adjust things to help him...knowing if I am tackling issues that I need to and if I am doing it right...all of that is a big help.  I am seeing HUGE things right now with him...His speech is coming along so well...his self esteem and desire to do things, "all by meself"  Yes, that is how he says it.  He is willing to try more things and adjust to more things.  I am thankful that I am able to use rewards now to help him get through tough times...he is getting things and willing to try.  I am so darn proud of him!!! I know that saying goodbye to school and teachers is hard, but I am so excited for what lies ahead.  Graduation next week....wow!

Brandon goes TDy next week..I know great timing, huh?  We will do the final stuff alone and just make it work...packers on Monday the 15th and that whole crazy week is about getting it done and out of here.  I am ready...not actually ready for the move, I am frazzled.  But ready to go and not going to let the move itself take away from the excitement of this moment, leaving Edwards, starting over and having a great opportunity of living in San Antonio right ahead of us. 

Working on some sibling stuff with Erin and Zach right now...not really sharing me very well and playing together...hard at these ages when he can do big boy things and she still can't. She is very much a 2 year old already even with her b-day 2 weeks away...temper tantrums, no-no-no, I don't like it.  Oh Erin. She is so sweet, loving, funny and full of smiles most of the time...but the attitude has arrived.  I am hoping once we get to TX to get involved in doing more with her while he is at school all day...She needs it and I think it will help a lot.  I can't begin to imagine how lonely I will feel without my buddy all day.  I adore Zachary and as excited as I am for him to enter Kindergarten, I am so sad to think that I will be without him most of the day.  OH...growing up is hard!

That is about it...hoping the wind stops and it warms up so we can hit the pool tomorrow...I need to start packing our suitcases up and setting aside items for the car ride this weekend and next week...I can't believe that my time here is almost over...

June...

June....where has the time gone?  In two weeks the packers will start to disassemble my house, place my life in boxes and load it all on truck bound for Texas with high hopes.  My baby boy just turned 5 years old and my baby girl is about to turn 2.  To think 60 months of my life I've been privileged enough to be Zachary's mom...unbelievable.  And 24 months with Erin have flown by in the blink of an eye...too fast to enjoy her infectious smile.

I have so many emotions right now.  I have never before left a place I have lived and felt this way.  I know I won't cry and break down as we pull out of the driveway and off the base...When we left Tucson I cried all the way to Utah!  I think there is a bit of sadness, guilt and regret along with the hope and anticipation I feel for our next assignment.  I have wished so many days of living here to be able to move...for this assignment to end and now it is almost here.  I don't have a ton personally to take from here...that is being totally honest and is a bit sad.  

 have loved being a mom and being able to stay home with my children.  I wish that I could have experienced these wonderful, fun years in a different place.  I will miss some things and some people from here, just not the things I might have in other places...

I have loved Zachary's school in Palmdale, PUMP.  It has been an amazing place for him and I am forever grateful to them.  I would honestly send him back there in a second and only wish I could have sent him there every day of the week if we had been closer.  They were so kind and willing to work with him...starting him in the 2 year old room when he was three so that he could get used to school, the kids, talking, socializing, potty training...so much really.  He moved up in a few months and has stayed with his age appropriate peers....now he will graduate next week. He learned so much there. He learned to love school, follow directions, make friends, doing what other kids his age were doing, ride a bike, share, play and communicate to others.  He blossomed there.  He has been blessed with 3 great teachers, but above all the last one has been the best, Miss Fabi.  Oh I adore here.  She has spoiled me.  I watched her last year when he was in the 3 room and I hoped I would have the courage to ask for her.  She seemed strong and firm, but loving and kind.  She is super neat and organized.  The children adore her and you can tell she loves what she does.  I will miss PUMP.  I am sad Erin won't get to go there.  Zachary broke my heart today as we walked in school.   It is sometimes a negative he can read so well. He noticed the board announcing Kindergarten is being taught there in the fall...just starting...he told me, "Look mommy, they have kindergarten here!  Now we don't have to go to Texas, I can stay at Pump." Oh Zachary...

He has also attended a school through the school district, first on base and now in a town about 25 minutes off base...both classes taught by the same teacher, Miss Helen.  When I first met Helen I had just sat through my first IEP (individualized education plan) with my 3 month old daughter in my lap and been told my son had autism. It wasn't the easiest day for me...Brandon was not there.  It was the start of so much.  Helen became his special ed preschool teacher.  She wasn't someone at first I warmed up to and only now do I know why.  She saw Zachary for all he could do and knew she had to get him to know he could do it...I saw her pushing my son out of his comfort zone and it made me mad.  While PUMP did so much for him, so did this....more so Helen.  She pushed Zach to not give up or give in...she made him work doing things he didn't always want to do.  Funny thing is she is now someone I really like and think I will remain friends with after we move and Zachary adores her.  She was the right person at the right time for him and for me...I am glad she pushed him and me toward our potential.  She is a great teacher and takes her time daily to email me about how he does in class, good and bad. I love that.

Then there is Miss Gerry...his speech therapist we see once a week.  She is great and we all love her. She has taught me so much...how to really play with him and engage him in ways I didn't know how to before.  She has given me the best gift...communication with my child.  He has grown and changed so much since he met her...we owe her a lot.  

Then there is the other Erin in my life...she has been amazing.  When we found out Brandon was deploying I knew I wasn't going to be able to do all the running around with little Erin and keep up with Zach's needs....I needed help and I got Erin.  She has been incredible.  She is sweet, loving, smart, creative, kind and someone we now think of us part of our family. She has seen me at my worst and still shows up here anyway.  Both of my children adore her and will be so sad to say goodbye. I am so thankful to her...the time and energy she has devoted to our family has been wonderful.  I am glad that I can call her my friend and now we will keep in touch.  

I will miss Julie...my amazing miracle worker/hairdresser.  She is fabulous and is able to tame my mess of hair...she is a great lady who actually has been down a similar path in life with her oldest son and has been a wonderful mentor for me in many ways.  My hair will miss her, but I will miss her more.

I wish I could go on about friends next, but I really can't.  I have been here four years and can't say I have made a plethora of them.  Some have already left and the two ladies I have known since I got her are leaving this summer also.  We have all 3 been busy having babies since we got here and raising our children, we have had little to no time to enjoy each other sadly.  I do hope that I have an easier time in SA meeting people and making friends.  I really struggled here and that has been hard.  

I devoted a ton of myself to Zach and really never got involved in anything.  I am sure I cam across as disinterested or even bitchy. If people only knew what I was feeling inside and going through at home...but really no one took the time to get to know me.  Those that did saw me for me and they are friends I am thankful to have.  I have been guilt ridden, angry, sad, lonely and overwhelmed for the better part of 4 years here.  I don't want that to define me....I am not a bad person, but I hope to leave the person I have been here behind...

I think I am pretty ready to say goodbye to Edwards and in some ways this chapter in my life. I will forever love the memories of my children and the experiences I have shared with them here.  So many huge moments and milestones I can't repeat and moments I will never get back.  I am excited to move onto a new chapter that I hope to be filled with opportunities for each member of this family...happier days and more memories to make!