Last week was a rough one...

We had our first official re-direct at school last week.  Re-direct means that your teacher is having a problem with you and you either refuse to cooperate or are unable to for some reason.  Zach has made it 2.5 years without one...until Tuesday.  I went to pick him up at 2:40 to take him to therapy...he is always up at the front office and this time wasn't.  The receptionist is always super nice to me and wasn't very friendly...hmmm. Then I spotted his special ed inclusion teacher and saw the top of his head...they were in the office area...not a good sign.  I walked over knowing full well something wasn't right, but had gotten no calls all day, so I had no idea what it was....
He apparently had an awful day.  Everything and everyone made him cry. He was upset about everything and anything and it started early, never really improved.  He had an issue at Recess with some other kids and that seemed to really set him over the edge.  Then he ended up refusing to calm down and go out of the class with his inclusion teacher. He was being disruptive to his class at this point.  So they called the re-direct.  Instead of the usual person, the vice principle came.  Zach apparently handled it well and had a good talk with him.  However what was said, broke my heart...
When I picked him up I got the recap and was told what he said.  "I want to have an operation to remove Autism from my brain."  He said he wouldn't have to do therapy if it was gone, he would be able to control his temper and feelings better...he seemed so sure he would be better if he didn't have it.  I took a deep breath and told him what I thought....the truth and I mean this.  "Well Zach, if I had an operation that could get rid of your Autism tomorrow I wouldn't let you do it.  You are perfect the way you are and you are how you are because of Autism. You have worked harder than most kids your age learning to do things that are hard for you and easy to some. You have accomplished so much more than people thought you would. You continue to excel and amaze me. You are so smart, kind and full of love.  You are perfect just how you are, how God made you, how I love you. "  I honestly believe this and know in my heart that he will one day too...but it isn't easy to see your child suffer and feel hurt.
But, it reminds me of why I do what I do and why I parent the way I do. Life isn't easy for most kids...teasing, bullying...kids can be mean.  I want him to be tough enough to know that he is loved and wonderful to us and to a lot of people that know him. Life won't always be kind to him, especially other kids. I want him to have a thicker skin and self worth. He has done so much and will continue to do more. He is amazing.
Thankfully, the rest of the week was much better.  He accepted why we do therapy daily and why he has limits on things...and why he can't have a quiet class without friends talking to him (a big complaint last week)...well he might not understand, but he is trying to accept....
I swear the easier this road gets, the harder it gets at the same time...