A few quick things...

Well we did run down to Zuma Beach (Malibu) on Sunday AM...it was so beautiful when we got there and as you will see in the last photo...got awful and overcast and we ended up leaving earlier than planned. The first hour was great, second not so much. But we had fun and it was a nice trip regardless...
Today we hit the pool for the last time of the year...closes today. So that was fun for us, but Zach cried his eyes out when we left since it was closing and he couldn't go back tomorrow...oh it was sad. We met some new people to Brandon's squadron, they had a small BBQ tonight...very nice, but hard night for me...not in the mood to hang out with new people...not on my game if you will. Plus the kids were tired and cranky and there was little to do at their house in the way of kid stuff my age kids...so they got a bit restless...more Erin than Zach honestly. We left after about an hour and a half, but had a good excuse. It was nice to meet some new faces and hopefully we will see them again and it was worth it to go over there for a bit.
Got a nice call from a friend that use to live here our first year here...he deployed last year at this time to Iraq...his wife and I are good friends and I miss them a ton. He called to check on me and see how I was holding up, my plans for the deployment, back up plans, etc. It was nice and I appreciated the sincere gesture. Saw a few people at the pool today that also offered me to call if I need them, one we have known since our last base and I know I could call and it was good to see her. So...all in all I feel a bit better tonight as far as my list of in case of emergency is growing....just hoping that people will realize I also will need friends just to pass the time...make days easier and fun...that sort of thing.
We showed Zach the web cam today and he got a kick out of it...hopefully it will still be fun when daddy isn't in the other room. Sally dug a hole under the kids play house today...oh that dog. The old green bike got a flat, good thing we got him a 14 inch bike this weekend...he is doing well with it. Brandon is preparing to read some stories for the kids on tape...I think they will enjoy that.
It is hard to believe that after so much warning and time planning, we have a little over 24 hours to go and he will leave. I am trying so hard to stay strong and not get down. I know I can do this, heck I have to...but I can! The kids and I are tougher than I give us credit for and we will be okay...There is no replacement for Brandon or no way to ignore the vast hole that will be in our daily lives for the next 4 months...but I know that we will only learn to appreciate our time together more when he comes home.
Thank you to everyone that has sent me their love and thoughts, even if I can't respond now, it means a lot to know you are there and I am so thankful for your support and love...

Last Saturday...

So the reality is setting in tonight as I watch the kids get in their bath with daddy and laugh...this won't be happening again for a while. It sucks...no other word fits...it just does. I hate it for them and for me...I will miss Brandon so much. The kids will miss him...Sally will miss him. I know he is having a hard time leaving this time too, and maybe that is why it is harder for me too...we are feeding off of that from each other. He is sad to leave me here (physically here at Edwards) and with two small kids that require a lot of needs...and I am sad to have him going to do a pretty worthless job in the grand scheme of things.
But...my new mantra is suck it up....I just have to no matter how much I hate this and don't want this to be happening, it is...so suck it up. I must just accept it and deal with it. I can't change the circumstances of all of this for any of us no matter how much I want to or even try.
We are going to try to drive to the beach tomorrow...why not? We mine as well try to have some fun and get out of here while we can.
So Wednesday is just around the corner now and I am hoping to feel prepared and okay...right now I am just going to enjoy...

Friday came and went...

Friday went well...Zach had a good day at school and got a good report...always nice! I took a long walk with Erin to the post office and then child development center(CDC)...I wanted to get the kids signed up for "Give Parents Break"...you can take your kids there for one Saturday a month when your spouse is deployed. I didn't use it at Dyess since Zach was so tiny, but I might here and the kids might enjoy it. Plus I wanted to get Erin set up for the option to go to hourly care if I ever need to use that while Brandon is gone. So...we will see.
Went back to my doctor to get the stitches out...another hour and a half in the waiting room...ridiculous! They are out and that is good.
Had a nice dinner last night, nice walk to the park behind the CDC with the kids...since we don't have one in the neighborhood I wanted to be able to take our nightly walk and go to a park all in one...so this one is close enough to make our walk longer and give us time to play...should be nice and add some time to that part of our night when Brandon is gone.
It was super hot the past two days here. Last night it was 99 degrees at 9 PM. Hoping for a cool down...might run to the beach tomorrow AM, not sure...just want to use to the chance to get out of here while Brandon is here. I want to do a lot with the kids when Brandon is gone, but I have to be realistic to what I can do and handle by myself. So...we will do what we can. Zach isn't self sufficient enough and Erin isn't at all, so there are some things I know I can't try to tackle and others I might try and just see how it goes...I did the math last night and it is 18 weeks...I will be in NC for the last 4 and my mom and dad will be here for about 3 in October...Visitors are welcome!!!
We did have some cute moments last night and this AM with Zach. We were walking home last night from the park and he was riding his bike...I wanted him to see the sky...so I turned him and showed him the clouds...I asked what colors they were etc. He said, "Wow, that is a pretty sunset." I never used that word...I was impressed. Then at home last night and this AM he has been telling us he is playing school in his room. He gets out a book and sits in front of his closet (it has mirrors) and he acts like a teacher with students. It is so cute.
Erin is also gaining some more spunk and personality. She is so funny...she takes stuff out of my bathroom drawers and scatters them through the house, she is like a squirrel hiding nuts. My makeup is usually in the pantry now. :) She also does this cute thing with her feet when she is happy or excited...she gets a big smile and then steps in place super fast on her little feet....we call them her "happy feet". I love it.
I am off to enjoy my family...have a great day!

Busy Day!

So today we had a busy schedule and by tonight, it was clear the kids were done...
Zach had preschool this AM in town...Brandon went with me since he isn't going into work until he leaves Wednesday AM (9/3). He spent most of the AM on the phone with people trying to tie up loose ends. A bit annoying to me, but it was nice to have him around none the less. We got a few items for the kids for Christmas gifts...since he won't be here, it was a good chance for him to get things for them with me. Picked up Zach and he had a good day at school...he had a picture he colored in his cubby box...I took it out and then rechecked the name on the box...sure at first it wasn't his. It was actually colored, not scribbled in a rush. You could tell he pressed down with the crayon, stayed in the lines more than normal and put time into it...I was shocked. I asked the teacher if he really did that or they helped him. She told me, "No, that is his. I told him he is in pre-K now and he has to do work...no scribbles in my room anymore." I like this lady. She says it in a nice way with a smile, but she means business. I could have kissed her. I kissed Zach instead.
We got home to have the fan repair guy arrive within the hour... he happens to be the only cute maintenance guy on the whole base. I was happy he showed up since he also is one of the few to speak English...sorry, it is hard to ask for help when no one understands me. He fixed our fan and Erin's closet door that had an issue...all is well with that for this week...the house will implode next Thursday and the kids will be sick by the following weekend...that is how deployments work.
Then Brandon's new commander came by with his wife and two kids. He just took command about a week ago from the commander we have had for 2 years....He was a piece of trash in my opinion as a leader. Anyway...this man is very nice, sincere, and easy to talk to from my stand point. I didn't feel that air of attitude, but genuine interest in me and my children. His wife was great...spoke to me about my daily life to get an idea of our schedule, the kids personalities, etc. She knew about Zach and asked questions and offered information that was appropriate. She even offered to help if I ever had an issue getting someone to watch Erin for his therapy or school. It felt like she meant it. So...that was great. Their kids are young, so they get that aspect too. All in all it was nice they came by and offered help to us and reached out in a sincere way when I really needed to hear that...I am not too proud to ask for help now (I am wise enough now to know when I am in over my head)...so hopefully I will be able to turn to them if I am in need.
Then we had some time before the speech school open house in Boron...Erin was fussy and went back down for a nap...she slept late and we were rushed to get to the school. It was about 108-109 today...super hot outside with no breeze, no clouds, just heat! The school is small about a 30 minute drive from our house...so we got there only to wait while everyone was jammed in the cafeteria with no air...we hung out under a tree...HOT...a friend of mine whose son also has autism was there...she and her husband aren't super warm, so it is sometimes awkward to chat...should be easier since we live here and have things in common...our boys are in different classes and also at different levels right now...Zach has had marked improvement in a year and theirs seems to be having more issues pop up than go away. She did offer to hang out next Friday afternoon, so I will go...I refuse to say no...seems like if I do that here no one asks me again. :) She also mentioned that if I don't have plans for Thanksgiving they will be here and I can join them if I don't mind it being simple...I said sure...so we will see if I get any other offers...I am game!
Then we tried to go to dinner...it didn't go as well as we planned...it was busy and the kids were hot, tired and done...we rushed and left with a box...so not the best, but we tried.
I cleaned the back porch up today too and we moved the table into a better spot and set the umbrella up...hopefully the insane winds here don't knock it over...All in all a good day, busy and long...I am ready to watch some CNN coverage of the DNC that I missed....
I enjoyed watching Senator Biden last night and loved his speech. I like him a lot and wish he was the nominee to be honest. After working at a domestic violence shelter, he is a hero in our books for writing the violence against women act...He had some wonderful comments about his family, his thoughts on life and I loved his comments on power.
So...tomorrow I head to get my stitches out again...plan to read most of the rest of my book while there. :) No fun plans for the weekend...packing and spending time together...whatever it is.

Wednesday already...at least things are getting done.

So more exciting speeches tonight from the DNC...it has been fun to watch and get my interest peeked in the election!
Brandon took Zach to speech tonight and he had a great night. He had a good morning at speech school too, so all in all a good Zach day. He was tired tonight at bed time, so I think the full week of daily school is catching up to him, but it works for me...I like tired kids at bed time. :)
Erin and I walked to the salvation army truck on base to drop off some items this AM while he was at school and Brandon was doing his finally out stuff for work...long walk, but nice! We stopped by the old neighborhood and again I just get so sad seeing it all abandoned and depressing. Houses of friends that have moved empty...just sad...so I might have to stop going to that park for a while.
Got some things done for Zach's school...finally I think progress is occurring. We have his IEP (individualized education plan) yearly meeting set for September 25th...I have a sitter set up and that should be to discuss his progress, adjustments, etc. Last year at the meeting I got his diagnosis....I was alone (had Erin in my arms) and again this year I will attend alone. It can't be as scary as that since he has a diagnosis already...so I am hopeful it will be a good meeting and we can make some changes if needed. I did learn that the OT (occupational therapist) at his school quit. Seriously...we have been asking for OT for a year now. So, I called the special education coordinator and spoke to her for over an hour today. He has an IEP for that particular issue on September 3rd...Brandon deploys that day, so I will not attend, but allow them to add that to his IEP and I will sign it. When they get the new person hired and on board, he will get that while at that school. Currently he gets speech therapy while there for about 20 minutes out of his hour and a half school time. I know it isn't much, but it is what we have to work with and I will take all I can get. I also got a call from his new caseworker for behavior. I think he has 4 or 5 caseworkers...insane. This man also wanted to meet on the 3rd, but I told him no...he will meet me on the 8th and talk about what to do with Zachary's possible behavioral therapy. We go in spells...some weeks he is an absolute angel...this week and last being one of those...and then we have weeks that just make me want to lock myself in my room. Mostly the big issue is we hear over and over that he has a hard time sitting still in class and is squirmy. I know that is a normal 4 year old thing, but also a normal autism thing...so we must have it assessed to see which one his is, or if it is something else entirely. Regardless I am glad to see that after a year of these therapies being requested we are making progress to getting them. He has an open house tomorrow at his speech school, so we are planning to go to that from 5-6 PM. There is a great Mexican restaurant there, so we can tie that into our night.
Tomorrow he has school in Palmdale...Brandon and I will go together to take him...then housing is coming to fix our fan in the bedroom...then apparently Brandon's new commander wants to come by and see us...I am not sure what to think of this, but I will try to stay positive and not judge. I am so used to be in a squadron that works differently...where we go to First Fridays, know the leadership and they know us. I would have already talked to them before since Brandon is deploying in a few days...So...I will see how it goes. All in all, a busy day ahead for sure...
Below a few random photos, just for fun!
Erin being silly and sweet...stealing my shirt I am trying to photograph for Ebay...stinker.
Zachary...home after speech...super tired and ready for bed, but still oh so cute.
Crazy Sally...Oh my silly dog...she makes me laugh and the kids love her...
And me...Photo by Zach...I look so tall! Gotta love that he can make me look tall in a photo...

I had planned to talk about something else...

Okay I planned to talk about something else tonight...I was going to bitch and moan about the 2 hours I spent at my dermatologist only to have him tell me I had to come back on Friday to get my stitches out then...I read some of my new book, My Sister's Keeper and love it...was going to chat about some things from my day...but I am shifting gears...

Brandon flew tonight and wasn't home....I had planned to stick to my schedule and have the kids in bed on time, but got sidetracked watching the Democratic National Convention...I know my kids didn't love it, but I felt like I needed to watch...I am glad I did...

Okay...for all of my republican friends...I have a lot of you...please either open your mind and hearts to appreciate my opinion for what it is, mine...don't hold against me what I think and feel...it is politics! Or stop reading now and come back tomorrow...

I am not going to be politically correct for the sake of my readers...sorry, but I refuse to censor myself. I am not 100% a democrat or 100% a republican...in all fairness my ideals fall on both sides. I do tend more often than not to find myself on the democratic side of a lot of issues, not all. I will be upfront on that and debate that if you would like...I will also be clear on the fact that I like John McCain...I think he is great man, Senator, leader and American...I would have gladly voted for him 8 years ago if he had been the nominee and not Bush...I am a proud military wife and I support my husband, our troops that serve now at home and abroad. I also have a lot of personal experience in the social services world and have opinions from that...

I have been closely watching this election process. Like I said, I like McCain...I don't like Bush.I don't like the America we have after 8 years of Bush in office. No, it isn't gas prices, or the war...I don't like his policies on a lot of things and the way he has led our country. (keep in mind readers, my blog, my opinions)! I started watching the primaries and was so interested in seeing a black man and a woman doing so well. I will be honest...I really was blown away to see that diversity and amazing progress stand in front of us as presidential hopefuls... I won't lie, I like Hillary...I would have voted for her...I don't have any reservation saying that. I am sad that I won't get the chance to in November. Not just because she is a woman, but I like what she says and stands for and I could support her ideas. When she wasn't going to be the nominee I wasn't sure if I would jump to the Obama ship or wait and see....I waited and I have watched. I am not 100% sure yet what I will do, but I do want to see changes in this country and hope we can get them. I think we have failed in so many areas domestically and abroad...systems are broken and we aren't a stable and strong nation today that we should be.

I will say I was impressed by Hillary tonight and her speech...I still like her....I am not afraid to say it or own it. I think she proved she would have made a great president and is someone that can stand alone from her husband and be a leader our country needs right now. Her speech was great. I am enjoying watching this all unfold and see America in a place where we tonight...

Republican, Democrat, Independent...American! I just want to see a better America for my two children to grow up in...a place where the school systems are not so failed that more people on this base home school then send to the public school. Where services that are supposed to be paid for federally for my son to get therapies aren't available simply because they don't the money to support them...I want to see changes in immigration laws...I won't get on my soapbox on that one tonight...I want to see things in the world change, diplomacy needs to return! I am excited by the fact we have a real election on our hands and hopefully a change to our country in 4 more months...

Another Monday...

Today was pretty uneventful...Zach went off to school with a new van driver and no issues. He even told her that she was a good driver on the way home...she thought he was so cute. I did get an email report later from his teacher. She said he had a hard time today that they didn't do the letter A as planned...again, kids with his issue struggle with change, so I don't know why this is so hard for his special ed teacher to get...He apparently whined and even cried a bit, but wasn't awful...so to me that is progress. Whatever...I have taken a new approach...what he does at school is for them to start to address...I can't fix it once he is home and I am not there to help him deal with it. I do his homework and we talk about things, but otherwise I refuse to get upset about stuff I can't change or fix. Deep breath....
We played in the play pool out back while Erin napped and just had a lazy day...all in all good. We had dinner and a bike ride tonight and he had fun with that.
Tomorrow I get my stitches out in the morning while he is at school. That office is overbooked and super busy, so I will get nothing else done I am sure. Brandon has a flight tomorrow and will stay late to finish up work so he doesn't have to go back in the rest of the week.
Again I tried to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to friends...I know this deployment is going to be hard for me. It is unlike others before with the support of a squadron...no one else in my shoes to go through it with me. No one giving me information or offering assistance. But beyond that I am lonely here...lacking in friends to be honest. Last fall the lady that watched Zach for over 2 years moved...then we moved to a new neighborhood on base and with that our neighbors moved. Two families we were close to moved off base...A family we were really close to moved to Vegas this summer. My parents moved from AZ to NC in April...so I am feeling more alone now...I know I will be okay and can do this, it just would be easier with a better support network. I emailed two friends and basically said I know this will be hard so I would love to get together for play dates, even dinners if your husbands are TDY or will be home late some nights...anything. Here is Zach's school schedule and when we are free...didn't even mention poor Erin's naps...just hoping for offers to get together. One hasn't emailed back yet and the other spent a paragraph telling me how busy she is next month with her family in town, a trip to LA, then one to San Diego and her kids schedules down to nap times...but if I need them for an emergency don't hesitate to call. Thanks...I will be sure not to bother you if I am just in need of good ole adult conversation and oh what is that word....ah...frienship. Insert bad language here.
So...I refuse to get down and frustrated...I will stick to my schedule, try to do fun things when we can and take anyone up on any offer of fun, help, etc. I will look forward to my time in October with my parents...they don't know yet, but they might never make it off the base again once I get them here!!! :) I plan to enjoy every moment of their time and my time at Christmas. I refuse to let people get me down...My kids need me to get through this and I can do that for them and for me. I have people that love me and support me even from far away and I will let them help with love, support, phone calls, emails, whatever...
Okay...now that I have bitched and given myself a pep talk I am good...Off to watch my TV shows nicely recorded by me beloved DVR and head to bed...

fun photos...sweet moments

Just wanted to add some fun photos and sweet moments from the weekend. Time is passing way too quickly right now and I am capturing as much as I can. We had a nice weekend...Saturday Zach and Brandon went to the pool for several hours and Erin stayed home with me and napped while I did some things around the house. Today I got to take Zach while Brandon stayed home and got things done during Erin's nap time. It was nice to break up the time for us with him and also take the time to get things done around the house. Brandon got the spot light in the back yard up...we had it in the other house and it is so nice to have when it starts to get dark early here...the kids can still access the yard and play outside even after dark...without a local neighborhood park now, this is a big bonus for all of us. He also serviced the Civic at home, changed oil, fluids, inflated tires, etc. So nice to be married to someone so darn handy. This is why I get nervous when he leaves...he can fix almost anything and usually does. Literally around here if something breaks Zach turns to me and says, "Oh no it is broken....daddy will fix it." We clean out the garage a bit and have some items to give away, get rid of and get to the thrift store. The kids and I watched the Sesame Street DVD about deployments...trying to get the point to Zach. He watched it a few times and wanted a calender...the kids on there used one to cross of the days until daddy comes home...so we went and let him pick out a calender tonight in town. He seemed excited about it, so we will go with it. Got the webcam to work! Little by little things are coming together. I won't lie, I am sad and scared...but I can do this. Some days are going to be easier than others and some days I will want to crawl right back into bed...but I can do this. I am not aiming for perfection, just day by day. I have some goals while he is gone that I will try to work toward...a stack of books to read too! Before we know it January will be here!
So...the last week begins tomorrow and we are getting prepared as we can...and enjoying all we can...
Here are the photos...Erin in the tub last night...all smiles my little ham.
Yes, she really is this happy about 98% of the time...
My handsome boy...
Giving her brother love taps...

After dinner bike ride...he will be getting a new bike over the holidays since he is getting so tall!

Off he goes...
The boys...
The girls...(my house is the one directly behind me head in the background)...I kid you all not when I tell you we have no grass...enviroscape they call this...sandbox is what I call it...
Cuddle time with daddy...precious moments...

Hidden Treasure...

Well I meant to post last night, but ended up reading and watching the Olympics...it was nice to just unwind a bit. Yesterday I went for a long walk while Zach was at school...went with Erin and the Erin that watches her. She got a part time job offer yesterday and took it...I am hoping it doesn't grow to conflict with her time with us and most of all that in a pinch I can still ask her for help with things here. Little things like getting my hair cut will be difficult now...my hair dresser is no longer working Tuesday and Thursdays (the days I am in town with Zach and not Erin) and not working Saturdays...seriously! Just little things like that will take some juggling and adjustments...
Got his IEP scheduled for September 25th...they scheduled it for me at 7:30 AM on the 18th, so after several emails and a threat to call the principle...I got a time that works for me...hopefully they will make some good changes and we can get his Occupational Therapy included.
Last night we went for a trip to the park after dinner...yummy dinner!! Had fun playing and of course I forgot my camera...next time...then we headed off to the BX to get ice cream and look for an extension cord for the backyard light Brandon will be putting up this weekend. We all enjoyed ice cream, except for Zach of course...he doesn't like it...oh Zach. So we wandered the BX and got a few items we needed and of course ones I didn't. I said we should check outside in the garden section for any plants or sale stuff...as always the plants are on deaths doorstep...walking in we stopped to reprimand Zach for something. Brandon looked over and squealed..."It's Boo Boo Bear". Boo Boo was sitting right there on a display dinning room table. Just laying there...probably where my daughter flung it well over a week ago...seriously people! I have called that place, been up there three times...searched the store...I am actually happy for Zach's misbehavior for once, it lead us to Boo Boo!!! He is now being washed for the 3rd time in the washer! Erin was so excited to see him too...so sweet!
Today I am off to the commissary...yuck! Then hopefully some pool time and just good ole family time together. September 3rd is fast approaching...lots to do...
Here are some cute photos of Erin from the other night...I brought out an old baby stroller we had when Zach was tiny...she loaded her baby doll in it and cruised the house forever with it...laughing all the way!

Making progress...

I feel so boring this week...nothing too exciting to post about...I took some cute photos of Erin tonight, but didn't have time to upload them yet. Will do that tomorrow for sure.
I took Zach to school today and stuck to my plan to go do a long walk at the park...yeah! The weather was beautiful. That part of Palmdale is actually semi pretty, so it was a nice walk and the sky was just breathtaking blue...love those days. Not too much wind, but enough to make it nice. I did 3 miles and felt great. I was a bit bummed that last night my IPod went on strike...it had to be reloaded...okay to be fair I rarely use the thing, but it still made me mad today that my standard play list I like to walk to was no more. So, I just walked my butt off to my Dave Mathews albums on there and that was fine.
Side note...so sad to learn of the death of their saxophone player Tuesday...he was one of the original band members...for anyone that does not know...I LOVE Dave Mathews. I am a huge fan...been to over 5 concerts I think...just love him and the band...very sad news!
So, I will need to get my IPod back on track...I am not a technological person, my husband is. I forget to charge my cell phone...thank God for car chargers so I can charge it on the way to town. I love my email, facebook, ebay, etc...but that doesn't mean I am super into gadgets...Just figured out a few websites. :)
Brandon took Zach bowling tonight on base...he loves to go bowling (throwing marbles). Good daddy time too. No matter how much I am trying to approach the subject of Brandon leaving, I feel like I am getting no where with him. In the end I think he will have to just have it happen to get it and I hate that for him. It is going to be so hard for him to understand and I just hate that he and Erin have to be without Brandon...I am an adult. It sucks for me and I will miss him, but I understand this is his job and will cope as best I can. They will just miss their dad!
Got a few books I ordered online today...yeah! More things to keep me occupied at night and on down time.
Got information about things on base too...Plan to try taking Zach to gymnastics on base on M/W from 2-2:50. There isn't anything offered for Erin (that is who I had hoped to get into it), but they have something for his age group and honestly he is not super coordinated, so I am hoping this will help. Found out the pool is open some good hours starting after labor day and we can take part in going there...hoping I can convince some of my girlfriends without kids to assist me on a few occasions. :) All in all I am making progress with some things.
Found out that Zach will qualify for a casework from the county (Kern County). He will be given a case worker out of Tehachapi...area about 45 minutes north of us. That person should then help us set up behavioral therapy. Finally some progress...should hear from that in about 3 weeks. Also copied the Rules and Regulations for CA laws for kids with disabilities...plan to be prepared for his IEP meeting next month...and placing that big book on the table next to me will show them I mean business...
Brandon has a lot on his to do list before he leaves...I better go and get some of my things done too...Photos tomorrow I promise.