Weekend Recap...3 days!

So my weekend...didn't go as planned, but turned out to be pretty great after all. One of my closest friends was heading this way to visit her husband who is here in SA doing AF training. He was Brandon's college roommate and BF...we were so excited for this visit after 5 years of not seeing each other. Well it didn't happen. Poor Renee had weather plague her trip and grounded her in SC...then when she was about to take off...airplane trouble and she had to just scrap the trip. I was so disappointed and sad not to see her, but so sad for her not to get to see her husband. They have been apart more than together it seems and I hate that she had high hopes for a fun weekend alone with him and it fell apart. She deserved this trip!

So, we had to change our plans. I was pretty bummed when we got the news on Saturday she wasn't coming and was trying for Sunday. We had planned a night out Saturday and since she wasn't able to go we went alone. Brandon and I tried a sushi place in New Braunfels and went to a movie, Valentine's Day. Dinner was awesome and glad we found a good sushi spot. CA spoiled me in that sense. The movie was funny, but the theatre was a bit ghetto fabulous. The kids did well with the sitter too...it is great that we are taking advantage of living in a place that we can go out and do things. I am so thankful for that. The time together is really something we missed in CA.

Saturday day we decided to take the kids to the park...it was sunny for the first time in over a week, so we went and had a picnic and played. It was great and the kids had fun. The park was quiet, but we had a fun time together. It was also a great way to wear out the kids for the sitter. :) I didn't realize until we were there how much we have missed our park days. When we lived in CA we went all the time. We had a park in walking distance from our first base house and literally, I went everyday if not twice a day with Zach those first two years. When Erin was born we went less, and it was more about Zach being in school than anything else. Then when we moved to the newer house on base the park was a longer walk. Zach loved to ride his bike, but some days it was just too windy for him to go that far...the park we loved we couldn't walk to anymore, so we had to drive, which isn't the same really. Some how it took the fun out of it. We got an playset for the backyard and I tell you, it got its money's worth from us. We went out there all the time. But I will admit, I miss walking to the park daily with the kids, playing and enjoying the fresh air, sun and being able to play.

Here are some photos from the park adventure...

Erin on the slide...

She is a ball of fun...this child never stops and is full of emotions...sometimes good, sometimes bad, but you always know how she feels and that to me is a good thing.
My little man had fun too...he wasn't as animated as Erin, but he enjoyed his day out a lot!
Erin found a little girl, okay the only other child there, to bug and follow around....
Mommy and her special guy. :)
Zach kept asking for help on the swing...he struggles a lot with swinging on his own...Erin offered to push...she is such a sweet sister to him.
Erin and the other girl playing in the fire truck, Erin is on the right.

Sunday we were waiting to see if Renee made it in and didn't make too many plans...I ran a quick errand out by myself and then came home to clean up and do things here. Zach and Brandon headed out to a fun mini golf place that he had been asking to go to...green acres! They both had a blast. Go Carts, Golf, games...he was so happy when he came home. He had a great day. Sunday was his first day on his full medication dose. He seemed to do well on it and was less fidgety from what we saw at home.

Yesterday we went to Artworks...a great place I found here! You take your child for Open Art on Mondays and for $5 they can do all the art projects they want for 2 hours. It was fun. I had gone with Erin, but never taken Zach and Brandon got to join us. Both kids had a blast and I am thinking of signing Zach up for some classes...we will see how his tball schedule is before we make plans, but I think it would be a good idea for a summer thing. He seemed to get a kick out of it.

After that we drove to Build A Bear...the kids were thrilled. I really didn't think it would be this big of a hit, but it was. I was shocked to be honest. Zach made a great choice...a cute puppy dog and chose all the accessories himself and named him Brownie. I thought it was the cutest choice for a boy who has loved his own dog so much. He picked out a dog bed too and Brownie even slept with him last night.

Erin being Erin started to choose a white dog with red and blue stars on it. I told her no and tried to encourage her to get a cute kitty cat...I thought she would love it. Oh no...she was stuck on the damn dog with stars. Finally I saw a frog and showed it to her and she loved it. I can do a frog. So she got Froggie and I helped accessorize her...If Erin had her way the darn Frog would have been clothed in some interesting items. Needless to say the kids both got the same amount of items and their frog and dog cost the same, so that was great. They even took them to lunch with us after. So cute.

Here are some photos of them with the build a bear goodies!

Zach asleep last night...I didn't turn on the lights, the flash just does that good of a job...notice Brownie to his left between him and the nightstand.

Zach and Brownie...he loves him!
He was showing Brownie how cool google earth was this morning before breakfast...
Erin and Froggie this AM before she headed out to school. (sorry for her bedhead hair). She loves this frog and even took him to school to show her friend Alyssa. So cute...

It was a great weekend...I was so disappointed not to see Renee, but we got out and had fun and really did some cool things with the kids...I love San Antonio!

Today in recap...

This was Rodeo week in San Antonio so they had the kids dress up in Rodeo attire...Zach wore boots and a cowboy hat on Wednesday and looked oh so cute! Oh I love that face. He was so proud of himself and happy to show off his rodeo wear.

Today we had the follow up ARD (IEP) for him to go over his goals and the substitute folder. The school was super nice to us and really was helpful this go around, so I can't complain. I was very pleased with what we got accomplished and how many items we asked for and received from them. I spoke at length to the OT after the meeting. He isn't working with Zach since Zach doesn't qualify for school based OT, but he will consult on things for him. He had observed him and had a lot of things to share that he saw and noticed. I liked him a lot and am so glad to have his ideas to work with...looking forward to getting more feedback from him. Zachary will have a sub on the 25th, so we will see how the new plan works for him and how that day goes. I think the new plan has a lot of options and chances for Zach to succeed with a sub in the room and I am hoping he does well.

I had lunch with him and a friend and then came home sick with a headache and nauseous. I went to get Erin at 2 from school. She had a Valentine party today and I took a photo of her and two friends. She looked very pretty today and seemed to have a lot of fun, but was very tired. I chose to go straight to school to get Zach early so we could all go home and rest. I was done, Erin was done and even Zach was tired and spacey today. No one was really sure they saw any difference with the medication in him, so we will continue the trial one more week...if no changes for the good we will discontinue it for now. No one said it was worse, but no one said they could see a difference either. 9 days in a row on green!!!

Here is Erin with two friends, Alyssa, Erin and Kyle!

Erin and her daddy tonight.
All in all a good week and I am glad to have some results with the school and hopefully good changes continue...

Off to bed tonight early I hope...

Quick Update

A quick update from here...No real information to share as of yet. Day one on the medicine seemed to go fine, but without more details from the school and teacher it is hard to know if there was anything they noticed different in him. He did tell me he felt fine all day, so that is good. He also did say he wasn't very hungry hungry at lunch. He was on green again, so that is a record 7 days in a row for him. We skipped OT last night...I just wanted to hang out with him and see how he was after the day. Plus when he has OT and no speech they keep him there a whole hour for OT and he usually leaves grumpy and worn out from an hour working on that stuff. I figured it wasn't the day for that. We stayed in a played Mario Cart, at dinner, did lots of home work and projects at dinner time for school. He was in good spirits. Brandon came home late, 10 PM...so the kids and I had a low key night in alone. Work for Brandon has been non stop this time of year...it is time to do the assignments for the summer moves. BUSY and stressful for him.

Zach has a spelling test on Friday for his new reading group/class. He is super excited and knows all of his words. He also has to bring a book home Thursday to read and go over with me and return Friday. I am loving this new reading group and so is he. You can tell he is excited about it every day. Tonight he has social group at his speech place...then we will work on Valentines for both kids to bring to school. Brandon and I head back to the ARD table tomorrow...hopefully we will sign it and be done.

Erin went to preschool in pullups...she came home in the same pair she left in...went in the potty twice there and never wet her pull up. Yeah Erin. Not as good at home, we went poop last night in the pull up...but we are making progress. :)

So hopefully at the ARD we can get some clues to his behavior on the meds and see what they think...interesting to see what is said.

No easy choice...

Today I took Zachary back to BAMC to meet with his developmental pediatrician. After months of wresting with the topic of medicating him for "ADD" I brought it up with him again. His teachers seem to be pushing this on him and on us...that his biggest issue at school is fidgeting, destractible, impulsively and not being able to stay on task. We see it at home too and know it is an issue. But we have also been told that because he has Autism it is likely a cause of his sensory issues. That he is over or under stimulated and then seeks those senses in behaviors that look like ADD. Either way when you are told by a teacher that she has to redirect him about 12 times in on hour, that is a lot.

I am completely torn. I would do anything to help him. If there was a magic pill that could make things easier for him, I would find it. But I don't want to change him. I am adamant when I say that the child I have is the child I want. He has his issues, don't get me wrong. Some days they are worse than others. Some moments I am heartbroken to watch him struggle with things that should be normal, easy tasks. But on no day would I trade him in for a "fixed" version. That version wouldn't be Zachary.

As I sat and listened to the doctor tell me about the drugs and choices for him I stared at my son. He played on Brandon's IPOD a game of skeet ball and was oblivious to the fact I was deciding what drugs would be best for him. I have had several friends with ADD. I have seen them on and off drugs. I have researched this topic many nights. I have listened to the teachers and therapists complain about his fidgeting. I have been frustrated to no end on some days when he won't sit still. But, the discussion of giving him a drug is different from actually doing it.

I read the list of side effects...some are not ones I am sure are ones we will be able to tolerate. One big one is loss of appetite. Zach is already tiny for his age...not even 40 lbs at 5 1/2 years old. I am scared that he will loose the fun, silly and bubbly parts of Zachary that make me smile in my worst moments. The parts of this child that are literally the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...I am so torn. I feel like no matter what I choose I won't be happy with the result. I feel like I owe it to him and his teachers to see if the drugs can help him in school to stay on task and focuses. It can't be fun to be told to do something over and over again. It won't be easier on him as he gets older to be the child that is always corrected by the teacher and unable to finish his work on time. But, I refuse to lose the little boy that I adore in order to make him an easier student.

Tomorrow we are supposed to start the first dose...one week on a half does and then move it up to see how he tolerates it. Apparently the dose is key, as all kids react differently to it and kids on the spectrum are even harder to gage. I am sick to my stomach thinking about it and what choice is best. I am trying to have faith that we will know what is right and it will all be fine. But right now I just feel so confused. Moments like this it is clear to me how hard it is to be a parent and responsible for making the best decision for your child.

Weekend Roundup...

After such a stellar week with Zach we decided to give him his request for his reward, bowling. We have tried to go with Erin before and it has always been bad, so this time we set out again with hopes she would participate and oh did she. Both kids had a blast. We went on base and ate lunch, bowled two games and had a fun time. Erin used the slide and had a red ball...she was all about the red ball. So fun. Zach loved that we all played with him and he did well too...although I did notice that the loud music, lots of lots and displays with pictures, colors and other stimulating things took its toll on him by the end of the time there...just a lot for a kiddo with sensory issues to take in and remain focused. It became very obvious at the end of game one that he was struggling with some of the lights in the room and objects on the screens...Again a reminder of as well as he is doing and as far as we have come, some things are just going to be struggles.

We then hit the commissary...No words...I just really have a hard time at this commissary....big and lots of items, but the people that shop there are frustrating...enough said.

We went to church Saturday night instead of our usual Sunday AM. Mass on Sunday is at 8 or 11:30, so we either are not up in time or it cuts into the meat of the day. Saturday Erin didn't nap, so we knew she would be a bit more difficult than normal. Both kids were pretty awful. It wasn't fun. But, the music was better and priest was better, so we will try Saturday again...

Bowling photos...

Yesterday was cloudy, cold and looked like it was going to pour rain any second...of course it is pouring today. We stayed in, cleaned, did laundry, ate yummy food for the super bowl. Zach played more Mario Cart...ridiculous how many hours he can sit on that things if left to do it. I had him and Erin do kids yoga with me...It was funny. They both tried it all and had fun and it is a good way to get them to pay attention and do some fun things. We will continue the yoga days for sure...I love it!
Tomorrow I am off to see the developmental doctor at BAMC...I plan to ask again about the options of medication for Zach. We continue to hear from teachers and therapists that we should try a form of ADD medication to help him fidget less in school and stay on task, limit impulses and be able to concentrate. We are willing to do this, but need a doctor to agree as well. So far we have been told these struggles are related to Autism and won't be cured by ADD meds. However, we know that ADD and Autism are often a dual diagnosis and that we won't know if it can help him unless we try it. Hopefully I can get some answers.

Sadly we are doing to be back at the ARD table on Thursday AM for another ARD meeting to go over the items we thought we went over last time. UGH. They want us to show them the substitute folder and go over more details of that...we want them to have it in the ARD how they will implement these things. So here we go again...

I am off to run some errands with little Erin today...yucky and rainy, but we must get things done anyway...

Great week...

This week was a good week. A great week for Zachary. I can't tell you how special that feels after some bumps in the road...it is nice to feel like things are back on track, see changes and feel relief.

We had a lot of rain, so miss Erin and I were in the house more than she might have like. I took the time yesterday to clean my house...got a lot rooms cleaned that needed it and felt great when it was over...Erin needless to say destroyed my other rooms while I wasn't watching...standard. Now to see how many hours until my hard work is destroyed.

Here is Erin playing with her dollhouse...what you don't see is that every dress up item she owns is on the floor and the entire room is a disaster.But those pigtails are cute.
Smiley face girl...
My rock band addicts.
Dad and Zach are super serious about this....Erin comes and goes.
Mommy and Erin....she likes pictures now and is all about Cheese!
Zach and I cuddling last night, watching tv. He and had a slumber party night. We started this tradition when Brandon deployed as a way to encourage good behavior. Living at Edwards there wasn't a lot to bribe the poor child with...so I started this and it was a big deal...we both love these nights. He had a great week and earned this one!
Zachary came home yesterday on green...5 days in a row. Not sure that has every happened. He was thrilled, I was thrilled. We had a nice therapy session with Carrie (the ABA therapist). He was tired from a long week, but worked hard. He had a fun time playing Mario Cart and then Brandon brought dinner home...yeah!!! Chuy's is a family favorite. They all then went to play rock band and I cleaned up. It was a good night. Erin and Zach were in great moods and we all had a lot of fun.

Zach is supposed to go bowling today...he is thrilled. That was his reward request. He was just so good this week, I am so proud of him.

So today we will go bowling somewhere. I have some grocery shopping to do and I some more chores here. Brandon and I will watch our netflix movie tonight, finally too! Should be a good day!

More rain...but I think rain might be working for us!

Rain is not fun for being stuck inside all day, a dog that won't pee, the mud and yuck that is now my yard...but funny thing is, rain has been good for us this week. I can't lie, I think I might be on to something.

Zachary had his 100th day of school today. 100 days since he started Kindergarten. I can hardly believe it. I was so freaked out his first day of school I am not sure I sat still one minute the whole day until I had him back safely in my car. I was scared he would get lost, he would be sad, he wouldn't be able to speak his mind, something would scare him, he wouldn't eat, wouldn't make friends, you name it, I worried about it. I was shocked and thrilled when he came home and was fine...no, he wasn't fine, he was great. He has really blossomed this year. He loves his school, his teach, his friends. I am so proud of him. I can't begin to share how this child make me feel. I have said since he was little that with Zach every pain he has had has been more painful and every joy has been more joyful. It is almost like things with him are amplified for me. Erin is by far the more dramatic of the two, but with Zach I feel his emotions right to my core...right along with him.

He had a great day. I went and ate lunch with him at school. He told his friends that he wanted to eat alone with me which I was thrilled. It is nice to see him with a friend, but I can't lie, I like my time alone with my pal. He and I had a nice talk and he really interacted with me. We spoke about twins, he has identical ones in his class...the mom dresses them the same and I have no idea how anyone knows who they are. He told me he wished he was a twin with Erin. I laughed and said oh no, you are too good of a big brother to her, it is perfect this way. He then told me, no I still want to be a twin...I want to make you little mom and you can be my twin. I swear he can melt my heart.

He came home today on green...4 days in a row...that might be a new record. He gets to go bowling this weekend if he stays on for the whole week...come on Zach!

I had two teachers stop and tell me how sweet he was as I was leaving and that meant a lot. I worry so much that some people find him difficult or a challenge, but it is obvious these two ladies see the good in him and know he is a special boy.

He came home and had an afternoon to do nothing...no therapy...so we did Mario Cart all night. He had a blast and that was what it was all about.

Erin had a big day too. She went to school and when I got there to pick her up she was in Miss Sherry's arms. I worried right away that she was sick, but no, she just wanted Miss Sherry and not mommy. Drama Erin at her best...I did get a nice surprise that she went potty 2 times at school today and was told to wear pull ups next week so they can encourage her to go on her own more. I was thrilled. Yeah Erin! My baby is now so big and it is really hard some days not to get upset about that. But, days like this it is so amazing to see how much she is learning and doing.

I am trying to figure out what to do with her next fall. She is in a Kids Day Out program. She enjoys it and everyone there is nice. I am not sure if the program is the best, but it is a nice place and I feel good with her there. I am thinking of moving her to a preschool in a near by city...I looked at it last year and heard great things about it. It has a reputation of being the best in the area and registration is usually insane. But, the reviews from moms are all that it is a great program and their kids loved it. I think I owe it to her to sign her up if I can get her in the registration. I am not sure if I should put her in both that and the KDO and let her be gone 4 days a week. I am not sure if I am ready for that. So many choices. Funny to say that after 4 years of no choices...

So...it was a good week for us...lots of good things...I can't complain about the rain if this is what it brings. :)

Rainy, but a little sunny too!

Well today was a miserable rainy, foggy and cold day. Nothing really was important enough for me to get out in the rain and do, so we (Erin and myself) stayed in. The day was pretty boring and sadly unproductive. I could get nine million things done home alone with Zach for a day...Erin, not so much. She is into everything, wants and needs something and just in general doesn't leave me alone long enough to pee much less tackle chores. Her new phrase of choice is, "Why Mommy?" She is so me it is frightening. So I did like 2 things on my list of 25 and called it good. Tried a play idea with her, went over like a ton of bricks...so that one won't be tried again. Instead we colored a bit, played hungry hippos, did dress up, watched more tv than we both enjoyed...destroyed and cleaned up things...you get the idea. Poor Sally spent most of the day needing to go potty and being completely freaked out by the rain to venture out. She is pathetic. I went out with an umbrella and she still sat there and stared at me like I was nuts. I felt nuts. Maybe she is smarter than we think.

The day really dragged on...I am starting to get a cold and pumping vitamins to no end. My pee is now rainbow colored from them all...I wanted nothing more than to sit and be lazy. Again I had no idea how easy I had it with Zach at this age...granted I didn't know it was abnormal and not so good he played so well alone, it worked well for days like this. We finally left to get him from school...Erin passed out as soon as the car stopped in the carpool pick up line. She is so predictable. It worked out fine since he had to go back to New Braunfels for a social group tonight...he does speech and OT there on Tuesday nights, so to go back tonight wasn't my first idea of fun, but he needs it and we are committed. It is a 6 week program...1 hour one night a week and we pay out of pocket for this...so he is going. He is in a group with 3 other kids, all somewhere on the spectrum with similar issues and needs to be addressed. He was super excited to go and meet new friends. So, I was excited for him.

He got in the car and whispered (he learned yesterday what a big mistake it is to wake Erin by being loud and then having her go to speech and be grumpy)...so today we whispered (i love that he loves rules). He told me that he was on green again...that people is 3 days in a row. He was so happy and I was sad that I couldn't scream with excitement for him. He deserved it. He has had a great week. Eye contact, sharing of information, no tantrums...just overall good week and very on the planet as we like to say.

So he told me a bit about his day....read his mail and then looked through some new books I had bought...ate his apple and we got there a few minutes early. I walked him and left Erin in the car...she was snoring. He told me I could go and he would stay for his group. The ladies in charge where there and said it was fine. I went back in an hour later...Erin still snoring...he had done well and was smiling ear to ear. They worked on conversations tonight. How to start one and then how to maintain them. All things he needs a lot of help with and apparently the rest of the group does too. So excited for him and for this group. I hope he gains more understanding of his abilities to do these things in his every day life. I am so excited for the doors this might open for him.

So despite the rain and nasty weather, I had a ray of sunshine in my day, his name is Zachary. I swear that child is amazing.

Revisions...

We had the revised ARD (IEP) at Zach's school today. We have had several issues arise that have caused us to be concerned that the last ARD was just not going to work for Zach and for continuation of his progress. Most parents probably would feel like having a label taken off your child is a wonderful moment, but reality is they didn't say he was cured, they simply said they didn't see that it was affecting him at school. We however do. We went back in today minus our advocate...she bailed. I was upset and scared that they would fight us on a lot of things.

First priority we wanted his diagnosis to be changed back to Autism being the criteria for which he is a child with special needs. They had limited it to speech, which as we all know is only a small part of this overall picture. We had compiled lots of information about things that have occurred since school has begun. We asked for the teacher to bring data about the number of times he is being redirected in the classroom and the speech therapist brought her own as well. The teacher hadn't given us the information before, but did have it available and the results were very evident. In a certain amount of time (not for sure if it was an afternoon or hour, really forgot that part), Zach was redirected 6 times individually. The class as a whole (which in turn includes Zach) was redirected 6 times and there were 11 other redirect ions to other students. So in total he had 12...that is a lot. The committee was in agreement that was more than average even though the teacher wouldn't say that specifically. We also discussed the day of the sub...oh that day was awful. We discussed in detail how devastated he was after that day and that there needs to be a plan in place to help him and the sub know what steps to take to accommodate him. He does still struggle with changes, and this is an example of that. The speech pathologist pointed out that Zach sits up front in class and at circle time..helps him be in front of the class, less distractions between him and Mrs. Key and also keeps him closer to her for her to redirect him better. An accommodation that is taking place, but not being noted. Not that I blame the teacher, in fact I think she is a great teacher. I just think she didn't realize how much she was already doing to help him. The changes she was making to address his needs were great, but without them being accounted for in his ARD no one knows and thinks he is fine. Able to function just the same as his peers.

We discussed his social skills and needs for those to be addressed and worked on in more depth. He also will have a behavior intervention plan or BIP in place. To help on days that he is super fidgety or even spacey...ideas to help him if he needs Stem time.

Overall we asked for a lot of changes, but they all had to start with the change in Autism being his criteria for special ed and they changed it. The rest was all asked for and agreed to with no argument. His ABA therapist that we have privately will even be allowed to go into the school and work with him.

I can't tell you what a relief this is for us. I have been so scared about this meeting and once the advocate backed out I thought we were done. We did bring them muffins again, but also placed a tape recorder on the table...amazing how much more amenable people can be when they are being taped. I am excited to see these changes start to take place and hopefully they will be helpful to him and the school. He will stay in the gen ed classroom (least restrictive environment), he will get special ed inclusion support. Meaning a special ed teacher will be in charge of monitoring him and his needs. I am thrilled with that. She is a super nice lady and will be observing him regularly and working with him and his teacher on ways to address his biggest issues in class.

So overall it went wonderfully. The changes made will make it easier for Zachary to succeed in school, but also for us to obtain private services (like his OT and speech), for him to transition into other grades without so many huge issues. It is a legal document too, so they have to follow it and that makes us feel so much better.

Brandon and I really feel good about how things went. I am so thankful for the support, prayers and well wishes that everyone sent us. Zachary is an amazing little boy and he has done so much work to be successful. I am so honored to be his mom and to be able to go to a meeting like this and share his story and fight for his rights. I don't know where Zachary will be when he is 18...I don't know what the future holds for him. But, I do know that no matter what happens I will be there with him. I will support and love him no matter what his future holds. Right now I just want to make sure that the future he has is based on what he chooses. I don't want him to ever be told he can't do something or not be given the tools to reach his potential. I have seen what this boy can do in the 2 and a half years since his diagnosis. He is amazing in every sense of the word.

So we made revisions and hope for good, positive and successful changes.

Here I am Lord...

I don't usually put out there my feelings on Church or Religion...For a lot of reasons. I in no way shape or form want to push my feelings or thoughts on others and I can't stand when people do that to me. I just think it is private and personal...but with that said this is my blog and those of you that read it, are close and personal people in my life and know I am sharing, not shoving my views. We as a family have really been enjoying our new church and all that it brings to our life having that time together. I have to say a lot of days in Catholic Mass the sermons don't speak to me and the hymns and readings aren't always the most powerful...well yesterday the sermon wasn't as on target to my way of thinking, which happens a lot at the Catholic church, but part I have learned to not getting bothered by and hear the parts that matter...the meaning. Yesterday was a bit different though, both the reading and hymn were awesome...

The reading was from my wedding and one most of us have heard a million times...I dare say one of the most "famous" parts of the bible to be used in times like weddings...

Love is patient,
love is kind.

It is not jealous,
it is not pompous,
it is not inflated,
it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.

Love never fails.

I love that reading and it always is a good one to hear...to reaffirm. It was a great talking point with Zachary too...how no matter how much we as parents get frustrated with our children, have to discipline them, raise our voice or even be disappointed in their choices, we always love them. Our love is strong and it is sure and we don't stop loving even when we are upset. I think he got that and it was a wonderful chance to discuss those emotions with him. Those moments are why going to church as a family was so important to us.

The other part of church that was moving and wonderful was the hymn they sang before communion. One of my all time favorites in church and Brandon's too, so it was a good mix of the two. I copied the words, not to push anything on anyone, but because I thought they were so pretty.

1.
I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

I, who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Chorus
Here am I, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

2.
I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people’s pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words to them.
Whom shall I send?

Chorus

3.
I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will send the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

I love days when we go to church and leave thinking or feeling...the chance to talk about the bigger things with Zachary or even between ourselves.

I have a lot on my mind with Zach's ARD tomorrow...I need a little faith that it will all work out and I am hopeful God will hear my prayers and answer my fears...